The Tyrany of Soft Expectations

The title of this post comes from a comment on my last post left by the lovely Lanafactrix. In case you didn't see her comment, she said:

I think, as far as men our age go, they're suffering partly from the tyranny of soft expectations. American culture tells them that they shouldn't want a steady girlfriend or a wife or, God forbid, children. Young men in serious relationships are ridiculed constantly by their peers, whereas young women are congratulated by theirs.

Her comment reminded me of an article I read in the New York Times a few weeks ago ("On College Campuses, a Shortage of Men"). While not about online dating, the article pointed out how men, particularly when they are in the minority of a population, "have all the power to control the intensity of sexual and romantic relationships."

What I find particularly interesting about all of this is that the gender split on my dating site seems to favor women. From what I can tell, there are significantly more men on the site than there are women. I did a sample search using my standard criteria (straight, 25-32, within 25 miles of me, single, no smoking) for men and then women. There were over 1000 men, but only 840 women who fit that search. Sure, this is not the most scientific data, but I'd wager it's pretty accurate. Add to this the societal pressure for men to send the first message and women can really be picky.

But then, perhaps this is all one vicious downward spiral: More men than women, women can pick and choose from the messages sent by men, but then fewer men want long-term relationships, etc. My head is starting to spin… What do you think?