These Posts Write Themselves Sometimes

Username + Quiz Result = WTF?

Bad Usernames: Part 4

It's time for another round of bad usernames. This one was prompted by the first on this list, fearmybooty, but spurred on by the sudden rash of names ending in "4U" and a few others that were too, um, good, to pass by.

• fearmybooty (Why? Does it smell? Are you going to sit on me? Let me go back to my first question: WHY?)

• BiG_FriGGiN_d (First off, what's with the mish-mash of upper and lower case? Second, am I supposed to be impressed that you said "friggin" instead of something else? Third, what does the "d" stand for, or do I even want to know?)

• TheRussMan4U (Lose the stupid nickname—"The Russ Man" might as well be something equally inane like "Big Man on Campus"—and the 4U and then we'll talk. Maybe.)

• basementcat4U (Is this meant to imply that you like cats that live in basements or that you are a cat who lives in a basement?)

• summerlover4U (What happens in the spring, autumn, and winter?)

• braziliandude4U (I think you are Brazilian, but what if you are trying to express your fondness for Brazilian waxes?)

• 5hourenergy (That's pathetic. Get some more sleep.)

• thierry4U (If you want to use your real name but someone has already taken it, don't add 4U onto the end of it, no matter what the dating site suggests. Try to muster up a little creativity and add something else, please.)

• itsrevolution4U (Who exactly owns this revolution?)

• coolboy4U (This sounds like the screenname a 13 year-old boy would pick for his AIM account.)

• loko4U (You coud at least spell "loco" correctly. That said, why would I want to date a crazy person?)

• sickallover (Well that just makes you sound so appealing…)

• bluecoller (I really hate to say this, but your username just fits one of the unfortunate stereotypes about blue collar workers.)

• STFUandKissMe (Nothing says I love you like this wonderful turn of phrase.)

When will they learn?

Is he asking for it?

The other day I saw that a guy with the username of jewbags had looked at my profile. Not wanting to actually open his profile, I entered his username into the search box and wound up with this. dissux10304 sounds like a real charmer. I'm not sure about jewbags, but I believe that what he's written is in response to the question, "What do you do on the typical Friday night?"

This Morning's Rejects

My site allows me to block people whom I find distasteful, thus giving them no chance to message me. I just blocked two people:

666voices. Even if he hadn't looked totally scary in his picture, the name was enough to send me running for the "block" button.

clogan9. Here's the part of his profile that popped up on my homepage this morning: "yes i know i need to write things here, maby u can help fill this up with what u think of me?" I could let him know, but it would be mean… so I wrote about it here, instead.

I've got a date tomorrow!

It's with a really cool sounding guy I'm going to call Greg and I'm pretty excited. Here's why:

1. He just moved to this city and is from the opposite coast. He's curious to learn about the city from a native like me.
   
2. He's told me twice that he's excited.
3. We're not going to walk for miles—we're going to a museum to see a cool-sounding exhibit that opens tomorrow.
4. We haven't exhausted every possible conversation topic before the date (like I have with the last couple guys)

In other news, sfgiantnut21 just looked at my profile.

Bad Usernames: Part 3

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know that I have a penchant for collecting usernames that I think are terrible and then writing snarky comments about them. If you don't like the snark, skip this post. If you like my commentary or are curious to know what some of today's males think make good usernames, read on.

• Bigmonolith (Some get bonus points for using an SAT word, but not you for using this crude euphemism)
•DarkHeartXIII (Oooh, you sound so dark and scary…)
• Expertgumchewer (and that's something that should make me want to date you?)
• Halfgoat (So you're a satyr? That's so not my type.)
• Hugefuckingdork (This is just wrong… especially if you know anything about whale anatomy)
• Iamkoolaid (Are you punchy?)
• Iatemykitty (a. I'm a cat person, b. I'm basically a vegetarian, and c. WHAT?)
• Jizzblaster (Attention whore)
• Mrubermensch (Regardless of how you choose to define übermensch, this guy's ego seems to be a bit inflated)
• Nofishtoday1 (Are you eating fish? selling? catching? I'm confused.)
• Paprikanator (The Terminator of Spice World. Ooh, maybe Sporty Spice could have a death match with Paprikanator… who would win?)
• Plaidfluff (How can fluff be plaid?)
• Rockthemullet (Mullets are gross—the hairstyle and the fish)
• Sfgiantnut21 (This guy just needs one more letter to make this into a great username. As it is, the name makes me wonder if he's only got one…)
• Sockgremlin (If I'm not mistaken, this is a character from a bad '80s kids' book)
• Superkittykill (I sure hope this guy and Iatemycat never get together… cat lovers beware!)
• Urnotcompatible (Well then, why should I bother?)

And thus concludes another round of "What were they thinking?"

Tonight's rejects

Well they're not really rejects as they didn't contact me, but I've rejected them based on the first few lines of their profiles (and one for his horrid username).

Reject #1:
- Username: opolis
- Profile opening: "I came to [this place I live] to reinvent myself as a more interesting person. I may have gone too far. Do you ever feel like you are the last sane person on earth? Is that statistically possible? You'll notice I'm very dynamic. I'm more deviant than I look, and I like it that way. I can have a good conversation with anyone. I'm always working on a stupid art idea or helping a friend with one of their's. I like to ride things with two wheels…"
- Picture: Definitely not very deviant-looking.
- Conclusion: Ugh.

Reject #2:
- Username: smallweiner4u
- Profile opening: "My name is smallweiner4u, if you want to know why, you'll have to ask! Isn't that a clever way to catch your interest?"
- Photo: Not bad, but not attractive to me either, no matter what the username.
- Conclusion: There are much better ways to get my attention and "capture my interest" than this. At the very least, he could have made it smallweinerforyou. There's nothing I hate more than text/IM abbreviations.

Dan

As I mentioned, Dan's back. For those of you who don't remember, he's the one I was e-mailing with back in March and April but who lives about 60 miles south of me. Shortly after we started chatting, he told me that he'd just started dating a girl (as in that weekend), but hoped we could still be friends. We'd been having good conversations and he lived so far away that I figured the most we'd ever be is friends and didn't see any reason to stop talking to him. What I never wrote here is that he and the girl broke up after about a month. About a week after he told me this, I stopped hearing from him. It was weird, but I was so busy with work and everything else in my life, that I didn't worry about it.

Then, last week he messaged me to apologize for being out of touch and we've been messaging a ton ever since (though not with the extreme frequency with which I was messaging and IM-ing Ian back in February). We finally talked last night—for an hour—and I'm going to meet him this weekend. I'm excited about this.

Coming soon: another bad username post. I've accumulated a number of good ones, including 'halfgoat,' 'MrMooEar,' and 'iamkoolaid.'

IMs & Bad Usernames (cont.)

After not receiving messages from anyone all week, I got three within an hour tonight. Weird. Unfortunately, none of them were from people in which I have any interest. It's something, though.

Now, I have these to add to my list of bad usernames on the dating site:

• 15dollarWilly (Ew. That's all.)
• Anualsects (Don't bother disguising your true intent with "clever" spelling changes. Anyone with half a brain can see through this and realize where you're going with this.)
• BigBadgerJohnny (Is this supposed to make you sound manly? Brawny? My dictionary defines badgers in this way: a heavily built omnivorous nocturnal mammal of the weasel family, typically having a gray and black coat. By this definition, you are a weasely, overweight night-owl who is prematurely gray. So not attractive.)
• BigMonolith (Are you using your username to compensate for something or is your ego really that big?
• DiscoCottontail (I'm picturing John Travolta circa Saturday Night Fever but with Easter Bunny ears to accompany the white suit.)
• DisgustThing (Now that's good self-advertisement…)
• Guruturtle (I'm stumped. Are you a guru for turtles or is that your spirit name?)
• KarmaAdjuster (Maybe this guy should get together with Guruturtle?)
• MaximumSlug (Go talk to DisgustThing. Perhaps the two of you could work on better names. Then again, with your skills (or lack there of), the results might be pretty scary.)
• TrevyTrev (How old are you, 5?)

Oh, I could go on like this forever. There are just so many bad names. I'm sure I'll collect a few more in the coming weeks, and then I'll post them. What are the worst (or best) usernames you've encountered?

Bad Usernames: What were they thinking?

Usernames can be difficult to create, especially when you are creating one for a dating site. You might not want to put your real name, so maybe you use a nickname or initials. Perhaps there is something you're passionate about—you could use that. Maybe you want to say something about yourself, such as your ethnicity or a physical attribute. With all of these options, and many more, why on earth would people choose the following names (all of which I've blocked, many because of the username alone):

• Bacterian (I don't think I'd want to date a small single-celled organism, which is what this one sounds like.)
• CarnalMustard (Good play on Colonel Mustard, and yet I don't like mustard that much…)
• DarthSweetness (You've got to be kidding me…)
• FattLover76 (Does that mean you are a lover of fat, or are you a fat person who wants to be a lover? Oh, and you might be implying that you are 76, and that would just be wrong.)
• GerbilGod7 (Are you a small furry rodent or do said rodents pray to you? Either way, I think I'll stay away.)
• GodofMischief (Anyone who knows me would know that I wouldn't go anywhere near this guy.)
• MrMooEar (Are you 4? That's the kind of name a little kid would give his cat or stuffed animal.)
• Precambrian (If I thought the guy who was 76 was old, what do you think I must think about you? However, maybe you're a tiny hard-shelled animal, in which case I refer to my comment about Bacterian.)
• RascalMage (See my comment about DarthSweetness and that about GodofMischief.)
• SkinnyBuddha (I can understand the skinny part, but what makes you Buddha?)
• SquidBreath (I don't like Squid, but tuna breath is gross; therefore squid breath has to be bad.)

Finally, three that are total turn-offs for their blatant and over-the-top sexuality:
• RedPhallus (Bad—is it diseased?)
• ShaftPusher (Worse)
• AnalSexMaster (Worst—you're on the wrong site if you think this is a good name)



What are the worst usernames you've come across?