Dating to Learn

When I started this blog, I was learning to date. Two years later, I know how to date. I know what makes a good first date and what doesn't, what to wear (I have a signature green hat that has become my "I'll be the one in the green hat" identifier), what to talk about and what to leave for future dates (if there are any), and how to get out of a date I'm not enjoying.

Now, instead of learning how to date, I'm paying more attention to what my dates have to teach me. Of all the guys I've met in person and the many more I've only encountered online, I've learned all sorts of things. One of the main things I've learned is how to appreciate something even if I don't enjoy it myself. Sandy, for example, explained to me why he enjoys riding motorcycles. I have no interest in motorcycles, but, thanks to him, I can see why they appeal to so many people. Carl and Paul have discussed their fondness for video games, Carl for developing them, Paul for playing them. Just because I don't understand the appeal of trying to become a Level 65 mage doesn't mean others can't have a great time doing so. Dan tried his hardest to get me to like roller coasters. Sorry, Dan, they're not for me. I'm simply not an adrenaline junkie. However, I can appreciate how much goes into making a good roller coaster and why so many people enjoy them.

Others have introduced me to things I might, or might not, have found on my own. Aiden pointed me to the beautiful soundtrack of "Atonement." Theo introduced me to Bruckner. Henry taught me the game Flux—how had I never played it before?—and retaught me gin rummy; I proceeded to beg him to play both games with me for months after. And even though Gavin couldn't for the life of him give me any reason to enjoy his stories about military training, he did take me to a great neighborhood restaurant.

A full, updated blog post will be up soon, but it's been a long week what with starting my new job(!) and I just haven't had the energy to write. What have your dates taught you?

The Date

Alright, you guys, here it is. I would have posted sooner, but I went back to work this week and then spent the last four days in bed with a bad cold.

The date was really great. I took the bus down to his hometown and we hung out for the whole day. I hadn't been to the town for years, so it was fun to be shown around by a local. We toured the main street and made a mental list of places to visit later, walked on the pier and at the beach, ate a delicious Thai lunch (he's been to Thailand and he says that restaurant has the best Thai food he's had outside of Thailand), listened to music at his house, spent some time at the local amusement park (where he got me to ride a roller coaster, something that no one's been able to do for the last dozen years), and then went back to the main street to check out all the places we'd spotted earlier.

Had things not gone as well, I easily could have left many hours earlier; however, we got along so well that I ended up taking the last bus out of town. That all said, I didn't get the feeling that either of us was attracted to the other; rather, I think we'll be good friends. We've e-mailed back and forth in the last week and, at some point, he'll probably make his way up the coast so I can give him a tour of my hometown, but for now I don't think anything more will come of it.

I feel good about this and I'm really happy to have a new friend.

Dan

As I mentioned, Dan's back. For those of you who don't remember, he's the one I was e-mailing with back in March and April but who lives about 60 miles south of me. Shortly after we started chatting, he told me that he'd just started dating a girl (as in that weekend), but hoped we could still be friends. We'd been having good conversations and he lived so far away that I figured the most we'd ever be is friends and didn't see any reason to stop talking to him. What I never wrote here is that he and the girl broke up after about a month. About a week after he told me this, I stopped hearing from him. It was weird, but I was so busy with work and everything else in my life, that I didn't worry about it.

Then, last week he messaged me to apologize for being out of touch and we've been messaging a ton ever since (though not with the extreme frequency with which I was messaging and IM-ing Ian back in February). We finally talked last night—for an hour—and I'm going to meet him this weekend. I'm excited about this.

Coming soon: another bad username post. I've accumulated a number of good ones, including 'halfgoat,' 'MrMooEar,' and 'iamkoolaid.'

Dating non-natives to the area

So Superquail asked me why, "you only want to date people from the area, but you don't want to date people who grew up in the area," in response to my posts about Carl. The answer is fairly simple, really. I live in a big city but I have dozens of "It's a Small World" moments every year, times when I meet someone who knows my best friend from high school or lived down the street from me growing up. It's not that I'm afraid or ashamed of my past, I just find that it's nice to meet people with whom I have absolutely no connections. The chances of that happening with a local are slim, so I like to date people who aren't from the area. I guess I also like playing tour guide—being a proud native, and all—but that's a much smaller reason.

In other news, Dan's back. He sent me an e-mail the other day, after being out of communication since April. He wrote a very sincere apology for not writing and after a few e-mails we're talking about trying to meet up sometime soon. I assume it would just be as friends, but that's totally fine with me (I think).

Greetings from Florida

I've been super busy lately and have had little time to even check in on the dating site, let alone message anyone or check out new profiles. However, I have received a number of messages, profile-views, and "woos", which are the cop-out way of telling someone you like them. It's like poking on facebook. Pointless except for the fact that it lets a person know you've shown some interest. If you're going to bother, go ahead and a send a real message, even if it's short. At least there's something to go off of.

Of the messages sent my way, a few have been real losers, a couple have piqued my interest, but most just sound sort of blah. Unfortunately, the one that sounds most intriguing and compatible is in Florida. Apparently he was recently in my area and decided to check out girls here to see if there were any good ones. He seems to think I fit in this category as he's sent me one message and 4 IMs in the last week. Normally, I stop considering a guy if he's more than 15 miles away. Why should I even think about someone who is 2496 miles away? I suppose we could talk online, do the long-distance pen-pal thing, but that really hasn't worked too well for me so far (I've not heard from either Zeke or Dan in more than a month, and they were only 60 miles away), and I'm not really sure I want to invest the time and energy in it. One thing is for certain though: I will write him back, at least so I can acknowledge him and show that I'm not a complete jerk for ignoring him (I have been really busy).

Have you ever started a relationship this way (i.e. communicating electronically over vast distances)?

Edit: In the five minutes since I wrote the above, Florida IMed me again. I guess I have to give him points for his persistence.

Not too much to report

I've looked at many new profiles recently, but haven't made any successful matches. There are three main problems that are contributing to this:

1. I think they sound great and they don't feel the same.

2. They think I'm great but I think they sound awful. 

3. They appear great until I realize that they smoke/do drugs, live too far away, or are really into World of Warcraft (or something along those lines).

I'm still talking to Dan, but we're only sending a couple of e-mails back and forth each week. Perhaps there will be someone else soon. Of course I'll be sure to write if there is…

A Busy Slow Week

Yes, I realize the title of this post is a bit odd. No, it is not a mistake. It was a very busy week for me. It began with laryngitis, then, once I got my voice back, lots of singing and lots of talking. Lots of talking, for it was a week of conferences and meetings at work. To add to all of this, I think I'm anemic, and, as such, have been sleeping at any given chance.

All of the above left little energy or time for virtual-stalking, e-mailing, or chatting on the dating site, let alone blogging about it. However, there has been a little bit. Last weekend I started exchanging e-mails with a guy I'll call Dan. He'd been writing a pretty interesting blog on his profile and I'd been leaving a few comments on it. He messaged me and we went from there. As with Zeke, unfortunately, he lives 60+ miles away. Therefore, I knew early on that even if anything did evolve, any semblance of a real-world relationship would be quite challenging.

Of all the guys I've messaged with so far, Dan's the first who's actually my age. We graduated from college at the same time, grew up with certain world events marking the exact same points in our lives, etc., which I have to say is kind of nice. Anyway, we sent a bunch of "getting to know you" kind of e-mails last weekend and then on Monday he sent a message that, among other things, said he'd just started (as in the day before) a relationship with someone. He wrote that he hoped we could continue messaging, as he enjoyed our conversations, but understood if I wanted to move on, seeing as we were on a dating site. Well, I took Superquail's advice (as well as responding to my own gut reaction) and decided to continue talking to him. The fact of the matter is that I like having someone new to talk to and since I knew going into it that a relationship wouldn't be reasonable, I wasn't really disappointed. Perhaps some day, if one of us is in the other's town, we'll meet up and hang out; but for now I just have a good, new pen-pal.