Nearing the End

As I mentioned last time, I've run out of energy for online dating. It takes a lot to maintain my profile and wade through the multitudes on the site and, now that I have a job again, I don't really have as much time to do that. It's not that I don't have time to date or be in a relationship (like some people we know, *cough* Travis, *cough* Paul…), but I'd rather spend my free time out and about doing things and potentially meeting people than sitting at home in front of my computer for hours on the dating site.

Travis and I continue to e-mail. We went out last weekend for lunch and ultimately spent less than an hour together. I suggested trying to get together for dinner during the week, but he says that he's "not sure about weeknights, as I've really started to value just getting those few hours each night to sit around and decompress." While I totally understand the need to decompress, it's just one more sign that he clearly does not have the time for a relationship right now.

And then there's Paul, the Miata. I like him a lot. We hung out again on Friday, just as friends, and had a really nice time. There are so many things to like about him, but there are just enough things that I dislike that I know a relationship with him would never work, even if he was ready for one. All in all, I'm happy to have a great new friend. I need more of those.

This is my 197th post. I might try to stretch the blog out to 200, but there probably won't be much after that. If there's anything you think I should write about before I go on hiatus, please let me know. I'd love your suggestions!

Three Weeks of Preamble = Excellent First Date

This is going to be a bit of a tease, since I don't have time to write much, but:

- Theo's disappeared. I never heard from him after our second date. Also, I think he blocked my e-mail.
- Paul's still around, but we haven't seen much of each other and, because he's been in finals mode at school for the last few weeks, we haven't chatted much either.
- Jesse? Who knows what happened to him. Then again, I don't care.
- Travis. He messaged me and we messaged, IMed, and texted for a few weeks before we finally went out on Friday. Fantastic. I can't wait to see him again. I'll write more, as soon as we've worked out the second date.

Since Travis came along, I've pretty much been off of the dating site. It's been at least a week since I logged in. I continue to receive messages, but I've not responded to any of them. I rather like this situation.

Oh, and for those of you who liked my car metaphors, I have no idea what Travis is and that's just fine for now.

You Are Amazing

I started off the weekend as confused as I could possibly be, but, thanks to all of your comments, I finished it much more sound of mind. If you haven't read the comments on my last two posts, I encourage you to do so. I received lots of great advice and perspectives and was able to really think through the odd situation in which I've found myself. So here's what I've determined:

• Theo is the one I would like to keep seeing in earnest. He has come across as a bit shy, so, after waiting three days since our date last week, I decided to message him last night. I have no problem with taking it slow with him, though I do hope that our next date doesn't involve a frantic run to catch the last train (like the first two did).
• Paul is a cool guy, but a bit of a player. Should things not work out with Theo, he'd be around if I wanted him to be.
• Jesse is the wild card. He asked me out at the last minute tonight, but I'm home sick with a cold. I asked him if we might be able to hang out later this week. He seems interesting, so I don't want to write him off, but I'm treading very slowly with him. 

Even though I've sorted this out for now, I'm sure I'll have a lot more to consider in the weeks ahead. Please continue to comment and share advice/experiences. It means the world to me.

Car Metaphors

I started to write this as a response to Lanafactrix's comment on my last post, but I decided to make a new post out of it. 

Lanafactrix has identified with my rational brain completely. Paul probably is bad news, but I'm not quite ready to let go of him yet.

The thing is, I think I like Theo a lot. L suggested that if he doesn't light my fire, that perhaps I ought to be with someone who does. However, it's not that Theo doesn't light my fire, rather that we are moving at a very different speed than I have with Paul.

I don't know how to drive, but if I did, Peter would be a red Miata and Theo would be a silver Volvo. The Miata is prone to being pulled over by cops, but is exhilarating to drive; the Volvo, on the other hand, is top quality, down to earth, and safe.

Ultimately, I know I want the Volvo, but I'm not quite done with my test drive of the Miata.

I'm Completely and Utterly Confused

So I made the mistake of going out with Paul on Thursday and then Theo on Friday. Knowing that I'd be seeing Theo on Friday for a second date, I told Paul that Thursday was going to be a strictly friends outing for us. I had to specify this because Paul has recently told me that, while he is not ready to be in a committed relationship, he's very much attracted to me and isn't sure he can be "just friends." When I met up with him for a casual dinner, I was feeling really excited about my upcoming date with Theo. I was sure that I'd have no problem behaving like I do with any of my other friends.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Paul tried to play it cool during dinner, but by the time we went across the street for ice cream, he was rapidly losing his ability to be just friendly. There was much flirtation and flattery and it got to me. My rational brain was fighting a serious uphill battle against my emotional brain; his rational brain was nearly decimated.

And still, the night was young, so we went over to a bar to sit and talk some more. By this point we were holding hands across the table. He wouldn't let go, but I didn't want him to. Therein lies the confusion. Even though I'd only been on one, completely G-rated date with Theo, at this point, I really want things to work out with him. Were I to do anything with Paul at this point, I worry that it would come back to bite me later if things with Theo continue to go well.

To make matters even more confusing, the second date with Theo went really well, but it was just as slow as the first. We seem to like each other and enjoy each other's company, we share many of the same likes and dislikes, and we always have plenty to talk about. That last point has, oddly enough, been the only real problem on our dates as we've found ourselves rushing to get him on the last train home at the end of the evening and never have time for a decent goodbye.

On paper, Theo wins against Paul hands down. He's older, more mature, witty and funny in the same way I am, passionate about classical music, a good dresser (I never did tell him last night how handsome he looked in his suit), doesn't drink or smoke, etc. However, I can't ignore the fact that there's incredibly intense physical attraction between me and Paul. My rational self picks Theo. My emotional self picks Paul. Which one will win in the end? I don't know, but I sure would like to find out soon.

P.S. In my last post I mentioned that I'd messaged with Jesse while waiting for an e-mail from Theo. I'd not heard anything from him since, so I assumed that I wouldn't. Only I did. I'm incredibly flattered to have the attention of these guys, but it makes everything so freaking complicated. If Daria's Quinn Morgendorfer (top left) and Gilmore Girls' Rory Gilmore (above right) morphed into one person, it might very well be me.

Short-term vs. Long-term Dating

I've been thinking about this a lot recently due to the whole Paul situation. When I wrote last week, I said that Paul and I had agreed we were going to be friends due to his inability to commit to a relationship at present. I also thought we were going to see each other this past weekend. It turns out that a) he's too busy to hang out on most weekends and b) he just doesn't want to be in a committed relationship at all at this point in his life. We IMed tonight and, in our honest conversation, he said that he's going to stay on the dating site despite his unwillingness to commit to anyone. His profile says he's looking for short-term as well as long-term dating (clearly that last one doesn't match up with reality).

In the more than two years I've been on the dating site, I've never really been able to determine what's meant by "short-term" dating. Now that I've finally had to think about it, I guess it's whatever is between one-night stands and long-term relationships. I guess I've wanted to "settle down" for a while now—I've always craved stability—so I can't remember a time when I wanted to casually date anyone. I am realizing though, what with Paul and, of course, Henry, that there aren't a lot of guys out there that are ready at this point in their lives (mid- to late-twenties) to settle down. Why is this?

If you have any insight into the short-term/long-term situation, please share.

From One to Three

The second date with Paul was really fun and we both had a really good time. However, Paul made it clear—and I much prefer this to being strung along—that he's not ready for a relationship at the moment. (This, of course, begs the question (as *Ily actually asked me the other day) of why he's even on a dating site in the first place; however, I'm willing to overlook that for the time being). Paul's finishing college this year—finally—and he's also got a stressful job running the campus newspaper, so I can understand him not wanting to start a relationship now. Looking back on my own college experience, I can't imagine having a new relationship start up my senior year. The poor guy wouldn't have gotten much of my time, and what he did would have involved a very stressed-out me.

That all said, Paul and I have agreed that we are far too compatible to let each other go. We're going to go out again this week and see what happens from there. I'm not exactly sure we stand on the friend/friendlier continuum, but I'm surprisingly OK with that. What I do know is that I haven't stopped looking at other guys on the dating site.

In other news, I've been saving a bunch of articles to share and debate with you all. I've got them all set up and they'll post one a day over the week. Please share your thoughts. I love reading your comments!

From Three to One

It seems like ages ago that I wrote I was going to go on three dates in one week with three different guys, though it was really only ten days ago. I realized that though a couple of you have heard from me in person about the dates, most of you are probably wondering what happened.

Tom, as I said before, turned out to be a great guy—just not the one for me. In an ideal world, I'd become friends with him; however, we met on a dating site, not a friend site, so I doubt either of us will actually pursue that. (Though if I'm ever desperate to play Scrabble, he's the one I'll call.)

I really liked Aiden. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to feel the same. We had a fine time on our date, and it ended with a “We didn’t get to discuss ____, we’ll have to do that next time” from him, so I just assumed I’d hear from himagain. Nope. I wrote him a day later to say I’d had a nice time and ask if he might be interested in another date, but I’ve not received as much as a smoke signal.

As I was still waiting to hear back from Aiden when Friday afternoon rolled around—and it was ugly and rainy out (like it had been for a few weeks)—I was quite unenthusiastic about my date with Paul that night. I thought about canceling, but he IMed me a couple of hours before to tell me how excited he was and I didn’t have the heart to cancel.

We had planned to meet at a local museum that does afterhours events on Friday nights. At 6. I got there with plenty of time to spare, so I went in for a bit to warm up before going back outside (no rain, fortunately) to wait for him a few minutes before 6. By 6:15, I was cold, grumpy, and done with my magazine. I finally texted him, figuring he was trying to find parking, only to get a reply that he was really sorry but was still a number of blocks away due to bad traffic. Fast forward another 20 minutes and a few more texts and he finally shows up. I really wanted to be mad at him, but he was so endearingly apologetic that I forgave him right away.

All in all, we had a pretty good time wandering the galleries and chatting. We left to get dinner and had another good chat before he had to leave for a late-night comedy show with a friend. I had thought I’d be relieved when it came time to go home, but I wasn’t—I wanted to see him again.

And I will. Saturday night. Of the 16 guys I’ve dated from the dating site, only four (including Paul) have made it to a second date. Will he be the third to make it to a third date?

Finally, I want to thank all of you for reading this blog, especially those of you that I’ve never met. I don’t know how you found me, but it’s pretty cool knowing that this blog has moved beyond my immediate circle of friends.

A First For Me

This week I will do what I've never done before: go on three dates with three different guys. I'm not quite sure how this happened, but I'll enjoy the popularity while I have it.

I've already mentioned Aiden, the one who seems really great but lives a fair distance from me. We've plans to go out tomorrow night. Then there's Tom, who IMed me on Friday night while I was waiting to hear from Aiden. I was bored and he seemed nice enough, so we started chatting. After three hours—yeah, I know that's a long time—we had decided to go out the next day. We had lunch and went for a hike out on the coast and had a pretty good time. I liked him well enough, but I think he'd be a much better friend for me than a boyfriend. More on that another time.

I finally got an e-mail from Aiden saying that he'd call last night, only I missed his call. When I called him back, I had to leave a message. While I waited for him to call me again, I logged on to the dating site and looked at one new profile. That guy, Paul, looked at mine and IMed. Two hours go by and we're set to go out on Friday. Meanwhile, Aiden hasn't called.

The thing is that of the three, Aiden is definitely the one in whom I'm most interested. He's smart, charming, funny, and into world affairs (something Henry was not). Oh, and he's pretty good-looking to boot. The distance is the biggest obstacle, and I guess the one that makes me feel OK about going out with these other guys.