Thursday, February 28, 2008

He might exist

Ian might be a real person, there is someone by his name at the university, but there is absolutely no information other than his name with which to verify or negate his supposed identity. In the Curiouser and Curiouser file I can add this, though: This morning I had a message from the dating site letting me know that someone had given me 4 out 5 stars on personality. It had a click here for a hint link, so I clicked and who's profile pops up? Ian's. Yet, it still says that he hasn't logged in since Saturday. What the heck? Well, regardless of whether or not he likes my profile, we are clearly not going on a date today, seeing as I've not heard from him in days. Fortunately, I've been invited out to dinner with a group of friends, so I will not be at home alone tonight.

In other news, I received a message from another guy last week (I'll call this guy Zeke) who actually had a high match percentage with me. I looked at his profile—it was well-written and he sounds like a cool guy—but I can only focus on one guy at a time and I was so preoccupied with Ian that I didn't give Zeke more than a passing thought. However, I did respond to his message since he did seem like a good guy, and told him that I was just starting to see someone new, so thanks but no thanks.

Well, he looked at my profile again today, so I decided to try again with Zeke. I just sent him a pretty humble message saying that I was too hasty in turning him down, since it seemed the guy I was planning on dating didn't actually exist. If he was still up for chatting, I would be happy to hear from him. We'll see… I'm off to dinner.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Do you actually exist?

I sent Ian an e-mail this morning telling him he'd better contact me, either to tell me why he'd been absent for four days or to be honest and tell me he never wanted to hear from me again. I am sick of restless sleep, concern for his well-being, and suspicion of his true identity. I'm not going to e-mail him again, but I'd love to be able to mail him the following letter:

Dear Ian,

Why would you send me so many e-mails and spend so much time chatting with me only to disappear? Did we get too serious too fast? Are you afraid of commitment?

Do you actually exist, or did you create this online persona so that you could get to know me without ever having to meet me? Today I called the academic department you said you work in and asked to leave a message for you. The woman I talked to told me there was nobody by your name in the department. If you don't work in that department, do you actually look like the guy in the photo you put on your profile? Do you actually have a brother who's deaf or a history as a high school football player notorious for the "hippo dance"? Is anything that you told me true?

You do realize that I am so bewildered by this whole situation that I've started to laugh about it? Of course I'm hurt that I spent so much of my time and shared so much with you, but now I'm just amused by your willingness to waste so much of your time with someone you're never going to meet or talk to ever again?

If, for some reason, you decide you want to contact me again, you better have damn good proof that you've been comatose, held captive by FARC guerrillas, or something along those lines for the last week. Otherwise, you have no chance with me every again.


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Where are you?

So he was definitely supposed to be back in town tonight, as he told me he was going to tutor tonight so that we could go out on Thursday. I really think I should have heard from him by now. I've started searching for him on Google, but his name is way too common to come up with any useful information. I've even searched his name in combination with words like, crash, accident, and obituary. Nothing. Ian seems to have just disappeared off the face of the Earth. Not only have I not heard from him, but he hasn't logged on to the dating site or AIM. How can someone go from 3-6 hours of IMs and multiple e-mails everyday to nothing at all?

Still nothing

I'm starting to become concerned for Ian's well-being. I'm sure he's fine, but to not have heard from him for two and a half days is starting to eat at me. I sent him a very brief e-mail this morning just to say hello and ask if everything was all right, but I never heard back. Hmm…

Monday, February 25, 2008


After exchanging multiple e-mails and IM every day for the last week or so, I haven't heard anything from Ian since yesterday afternoon. In most relationships, this would be normal; however, we've been in such constant contact that this is weird. He's supposed to be coming home tomorrow after having been working out of town for ten days, so perhaps he's just tying up everything there, but I'm just a bit perplexed. Hopefully I'll hear from him tomorrow…

Friday, February 22, 2008

What a wonderful week

I didn't post this week because I've been spending so much time in front of the computer as it is. Right after V-Day I started chatting (IM only) with a guy I'll call Ian. He's my highest match on the dating site now (he just joined the site a couple of weeks ago) and his profile is really well written, so I took the plunge and e-mailed him to tell him as much. He responded and it went from there. We've been exchanging a ton of e-mails and IMs, though we've yet to talk on the phone. I've been on vacation this week, so I've basically scheduled the few things I need to do around his activities to maximize our ability to chat.

I really like this guy. He's in graduate school, a huge music buff, and quite nice to look at, too. He's smart and witty, and calls me on all of my snark and sarcasm. He's been sending me all sorts of new music, though mostly Scottish in origin, and sends me a message every morning just to say hello. We're set to have a date this coming Thursday and, if that goes as well as we imagine it's going to, we'll spend Saturday together.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentine's Day Fun with the GH

As you may have gathered, the groundhog became known simply as GH among my friends. GH went to school and visited my friend, the art teacher, and the two of us took it on an Amelie-inspired photography project around the school. There are train-shaped lockers for the Kindergarteners, so here is the GH as the conductor:

The GH also visited the office of the school's grounds-keeper and head of maintenance:

GH visited a few other places with us before being passed along to another friend. He brought it along with him to the computer lab:

So the GH went from being an object of loathing to an object of hilarity. GH still has some traveling to do, so I expect to post some new pictures soon.

Sunday, February 10, 2008


So after the dreadful date, Eli became known as Groundhog Boy among my friends. I heard from him once, the day after the walk, and he said, essentially, that he had fun on the walk but that he was just starting to see another gal (his word, if you can believe it) and figured that if we ever did anything together it would just be as friends. Now, what you need to know is that this e-mail was really, really long. What he could have said in two sentences he said in at least 20. Oh, did I mention that he said I was "easy to talk to"? How ridiculous is that? He didn't let me get a word in edgewise. The only good thing was that he said he didn't need the groundhog back, in case if it had gotten lost or damaged the night before. Phew, at least now I was off the hook and didn't have to worry about seeing him again.

My friend had the groundhog for a week, but I did get it back. What to do with it? I can't very well leave it sitting on my couch, just staring at me, now can I? I have decided to take it to work. I do work at an elementary school, after all; surely someone there could enjoy it. Besides, I told one of my work friends about it and she's dying to see this creature. Perhaps she'll know what to do with it.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Oh yeah, it was bad—really bad

No more dates with Eli ever again, no matter what definition of 'date' you want to use. He was awkward, exceedingly dorky, and he talked THE ENTIRE TIME. Sure, some might say that just means he's nervous, but really, I couldn't get him to stop talking. So, to the recap you've been waiting for:

We met at a central, public location. When I got off the bus, I could see him standing there waiting. He gets a point for this, though; I do appreciate promptness. He lost a few points though because, unlike a normal guy, he wasn't carrying a messenger bag or backpack, but a small duffel bag. Who carries a little duffel bag around, let alone on a date?

We began walking up to the staircases we wanted to explore and easily started up a conversation. Or at least I though it was a conversation. I quickly realized, however, that it was a monologue. Imagine, if you will, a play in which the protagonist is on stage, spouting off about himself at a younger age (or some other topic that is really only interesting to him), when a servant/page/friend comes on stage to try and tell him something; he listens momentarily, but continues talking before the other person can finish speaking. Now, multiply this scenario by 20, add at least 10 steep staircases and many hills, a lot of rain, and then you will understand what this date was like.

I did try to interject my own thoughts/responses/opinions/etc. at first, but I finally just gave up and asked him questions, letting him respond for as long as he wanted. At one point, we were quite close to a favorite bakery/café of mine and I said something like, "Oh, look, That Bakery is right down there. I love that place! (Hint, hint, want to go and get out of the rain?" Unfortunately, he had other staircases he wanted to climb, so we kept on going. Of course I should have stopped, told him I wasn't having a good time, etc., but I didn't for some horrendously foolish reason and kept on going. Stupid me. Live and learn, right?

The only good part about this whole debacle was that we met at 2 and he had to go his own way at 4. As we were saying goodbye (a very awkward one, by the way, as all I could think was, "oh please, get me out of here now"), he reminded me that he'd brought with him something for the Groundhog Day party I'd mentioned I was going to that night. It was a groundhog golf club head cover. As if the date hadn't already been ridiculous, this just made it even more so. I thanked him promised him that it would go to the party and then bid him a hasty farewell so as to get far away from him as quickly as possible.

When I got home I was tired, sore, sick (I wasn't feeling great in the morning, but I didn't want to cancel the date on the off chance he was actually a cool guy), and exceedingly wet. I actually stopped to buy a space heater on my home so I could begin to dry out my clothes and my boots. I went back out a few hours later to have dinner with a friend who was going to the party (I had decided that there was no way I was going to make it, especially with the storm outside) and hand off the groundhog. I figured if she had it, perhaps she'd lose it and I'd never have to see it or Eli ever again.

Now I'm home and trying to dry out and warm up. I think it's going to be a while before I ever feel warm again…

Here goes

I'm about to leave for my walking date with Eli. I see two potential problems:

1. It's raining. Not hard, but definitely raining and it doesn't look like it's going to stop any time soon.

2. I have put very little effort into preparing for this date. This doesn't bode well for you, Eli.

Perhaps this will turn out better than I expect, but I'm guessing there won't be much more to say about Eli after today.