Sunday, December 27, 2009

Two-year Anniversary

It's been two years since I joined the dating site. I've IM'd, e-mailed, gone out with, and been in a relationship with guys from the site with some successes and, as you know, some failures. I spent my anniversary trying to increase my number of profile views (I was able to double them today) and, later, chatting with a guy who lives about as far away as one can be while still being in the continental US. Who knows, perhaps I can add penpal to the above list next year.

Dud Date

I guess I would have written about it sooner—if I could have mustered up the enthusiasm. Let's call him Gavin, after my city's dear mayor (though the fact that they're both male and this guy's name began with a G is about all they have in common). He'd IM'd me one night when I was bored. I was initially put off by the fact that his profile picture showed him in a military uniform, but I decided to overlook that when I learned that he had joined the National Guard to become a translator and was interested in pursuing a career with the State Department (the latter of which has been a goal of mine from time to time).

Just as Superquail and *Ily posted in the comments however, I should have trusted my gut. When I told one of my co-workers about the date she compared him to the character from "American Pie" who always started stories with, "This one time, at band camp…" because this guy started everything with, "This one time, at basic training…" The date—dinner at a neighborhood Spanish restaurant and a shortish walk (which I quickly ended by getting on a bus to go home)—was one long string of stories about his time at basic training. If he wasn't talking about that, it was about high school and, if I was lucky, college. No matter what subject I introduced, he was able to turn it back to training within seconds. Perhaps he should be a recruiter instead of a translator.

Regardless, he didn't recruit me. So as not to spoil his Christmas, I waited until this morning to write and say that I wasn't interested. Sorry, Gavin, but you're not the one for me.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Second Date with Alex - Part 2

The date was…fine. The movie we saw, "An Education," was excellent. The rest of the date, well, there was lust and not a lot else. Once that haze cleared we realized that maybe we're not the most compatible of people and decided that would be our last date.

This experience with Alex made me think a lot about the differences between dating someone from online vs. someone one meets in person. Alex and I technically met in both realms before our first date. Had I just met him in person at the meet-up group, I would have been attracted to him, but probably not have asked him out. I'm too shy. If I'd only ever encountered him online, I probably wouldn't have messaged him, given our "match percentage" on the dating site. (It wasn't particularly low, but about at the bottom of my current threshold.) Instead, we met in both places and he asked me out; unfortunately, we seem to have overlooked the fact that we don't really have anything in common. We aren't radically different from each other, but enough that anything long-term (or, apparently, short-term) never would have worked out.

He was, however, well-dressed.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Dating Standards/Second Date with Alex

Before I get to the main point of this post: I'm going on my second date with Alex tonight. We're going to go see the movie "An Education." I'll write again tomorrow to update you all on that.

OK. On to the main point. Standards. We all have them. Some are high, others are low, but, I would venture to guess, there are some basic things we all look for in a potential partner. I wrote a post about this ages ago but it's been a while since then. While Henry met a lot of my standards, there were a few (especially at the end—this should have been a warning sign) that he didn't.

As a joke, a co-worker gave me a page-a-day calendar for 2009 called "A Year of Bad Dates." It got buried in my closet upon leaving that job in June, so it was fun to spend a few minutes the other day catching up on what I'd missed. I've got a post to write about the calendar in general, but for today I'll focus on one page that said, "Do you think you're being too picky? Heck no!" Here are their "dating standards":

While I don't care about the George Clooney part, I quite like the "impeccably dressed" part. If there's one standard Henry didn't meet that Alex does, it's that one and I can't even begin to tell you how nice it is to have someone who puts as much effort in looking good as I do.

What do you think of the list?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

First Date with Alex

A few weeks ago, I started regularly attending a group for people, like me, who are unemployed. We do free or fairly cheap things during the day on weekdays and generally have a great time. When I went to sign up for my second meetup, I noticed that a guy (I'll call him Alex) from the dating site had also signed up (same picture, same guy). Deciding to play it cool, I said nothing on either site and went to the meetup—a walk around the zoo—with the expectation we might talk a bit, but that I wouldn't mention the dating site unless he did.

To make a long story shorter, we had a good time talking at the meetup, he eventually found me on the dating site, we exchanged a few messages and IMs, he came to another meetup (one that I was in charge of), but then there was silence. However, it was Thanksgiving week. Then on Monday I got a message from him asking me on a date—for milkshakes. My favorite. So I said yes and we set the milkshake date for today.

I had no idea how the date would go, but I shouldn't have worried. Alex is a really nice guy, quite different (and much better dressed) than Henry, and we had a pretty darn good time. We tentatively set another date for next week. I'll keep you posted.