Sunday, November 30, 2008

Dark stranger from the dark-blue stream

I heard back from the Craigslist guy (let's call him Derek). He sent some pictures along with his response so now I know a bit more and it still seems good. We're going to try to get together this week. This will be my first date off of my particular dating site, which is kind of exciting. Wish me luck.

P.S. When I was trying to figure out what alias to give him, I decided to look up boys names that start with D. Here are a few interesting names I found, along with their origins and meetings.

• Darby (Irish, Scandinavian; free man, freedom, from the deer estate)
• Devon (Irish, Latin, Old English; poet, perfection, people of the deep valley)
• Digby (Old Norse; from the farm by the ditch)
• Doug (Gaelic, Irish; dark stranger from the dark-blue stream)
• Duane (Gaelic, Irish; dark one, swarthy)

Incidentally, the name I chose for it's normalcy, Derek, means 'gifted ruler of the people.'

Saturday, November 29, 2008

A love call, in limericks

I did e-mail the Craigslist guy, but I'm worried that I might have waited too long. *ily told me that the messages expire after a week, and it was only the seventh day, so hopefully he'll get it, but I'm not too hopeful.

Since there doesn't seem to be anyone new on the dating site that is worth my time, I went back over to Craigslist to see what I could find. There were a lot of the typical Friday night/early Saturday morning booty-call messages, but I did find the following post (from which you can finally be sure about where I live):

A love call, in limericks - 24

Love’s tough (somewhat more so than rhyming)
It can bankrupt you, nickling and diming
Still, I’m no misanthrope
And I’ve just got to hope
Against hope that I’ve got the right timing

I once locked my heart in the freezer
To stay there until I’m a geezer
But if some little gal
Should improve my morale
I’d first thaw it out; then I’d squeeze her

And though I may be a late-comer
I think it would not be a bummer
To take bike rides with me
Down to old GGP
In the cool Frisco winter, and summer

But if she should think me a hassle
(And heaven forbid this be facile)
I would work to perfect
My display of respect
Till she knew she was queen of the castle

And if her love started to dwindle
What would I do, her heart to rekindle?
Under stars bright and shiny
I’d fondle her heinie
And thus I would act out my swindle

And if things align, and we’re ready
(Though to think this far now would be heady)
We could write us a tome
Till the cattle come home
And yeah, I suppose we’d go steady


Yes, it's dumb to put limericks on Craigslist
But I'll fill up the mill when it begs grist
And I might be a dork
But if you care one quark
Let’s test out how it feels when our legs twist

Friday, November 28, 2008

aww shucks

"i just turned 36, so i guess i shouldnt be messaging you
but my screen says to contact 'Contact 5 new strangers'
and well, i picked you, now for a question, do you karaoke?

This was the rather amusing message I got yesterday. Even if he wasn't 36, I really don't think I could go for a guy who uses smiley faces in excess and is into karaoke.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

He was a perfect gentleman

but there was zero chemistry. Zero. That said, it was a nice excuse to get out, eat some good Japanese food, and see a movie with someone new. Plus, he gave me a ride home, which, given the weather, was quite nice.

He's interested in seeing the opera, so perhaps I'll go with him to the opera sometime, but otherwise, I think I'll move on to the Craigslist guy. I'm off to try to write a response worthy of his post…

Before I go though, here's an interesting view on life from Nate1112:

"Life is about to get entirely too boring in a few weeks, or possibly totally awesome; but surely not somewhere between the two. Getting a real job is going to be about as fun as cleaning up the bathroom floor after a toilet overflow. On the other hand sitting on a 40k a year job, yes I don't like to set high goals, could offer up the lifestyle of a king who rules a small country, especially living with roommates…"

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I've Loved You So Long

Wally and I are going out tomorrow night, first for some food and then to see the new French movie that's the title of this post. I'd suggested seeing Slumdog Millionaire, but he'd already seen it and suggested I've Loved You So Long instead. I went and saw Slumdog last night—it's awesome, by the way, so go see it if it's playing near you—so at least we can discuss that if we get past the initial first date topics too quickly.

Thank you to everyone who responded to my previous post about the Craigslist guy. I'll probably message him, but I'm going to wait until after the date tomorrow to decide. I have a feeling that Wally will end up being another Culture Vulture friend and not a guy I end up actually dating, but we'll see.

I'll end this post with a self-summary from a guy to whom I will not be responding:

"6" defines me darkness all over this one but still shines under pale skin headstands are my usual every other day routine alternate states are in favorites without taking it, risks are worthless so is life without risks i am brave and vulnerable but that makes me stronger i am sensitive cause i am smart i can feel everything feelings are all relative…" (zziya)

Monday, November 24, 2008

Call me a hopeless romantic

but this Craigslist post really drew me in. What do you think? Should I message him?


I'm that boy on the train in the morning. You may notice me, I may notice you, OR if we are particularly adept we may notice one another yet make it so unobvious that the other party never even detected it. Thus diffusing an otherwise intense moment when someone wants to say something to a total stranger that, for one reason or another, picqued their interest but opts not to because lets face it its the early morning commute and the last thing she/he wants is to be "hit on". Perhaps thats true in general but perhaps thats NOT true in this particular case.

Perhaps that boy over there,that you took a quick peek at and then promptly looked away just as he gazed up,with americano (black, naturally) and book in hand, and headphones on who, despite the requisite groggyness cant help but sway to whatever it is that is moving him and setting gorgeous score to what would otherwise be a hellacious sardine can journey to the underground (is it Bach? Radiohead? Tribe Called Quest? Cat Power?) is the boy you've been pining after.

The one who can quicken your pulse and make you blush, drive you completely nuts and make your day, teach you things you never knew you were interested in and be taught things by you he had no idea he cared about.

He's bookish and awkward but the life of the party. Youre the only one who seems him cry, and its rare, but when it happens it happens with gravity and depth and you find it human and charming. He consumes art relentlessly. He just turned 30 and is beginning to finally get his act together though, it must be stated, he is still rough around the edges. Maybe you are too. He'll read entire passages from books aloud when the inspiration strikes and gets chills from live music.

It's all about being dynamic. Metal on the jukebox and $3 beers at a dive bar one day, martinis and the symphony the next. For the latter he will slap on a tie if you agree to pin your hair up and walk arm in arm with him. Maybe youll even wear elbow length silk gloves?

He works in advertising selling people shit they dont need and though he experiences the occasional twitch of moral dilemma, he exercises his brain daily and works with talented people and in the end digs what he does.

He's a poet but tells no one this. He's never sent anything out for publication because he, like most, is terrified of rejection.

Walking the line between sarcasm and sincerity, seriousness and ridiculousness, maturity and intermittent wrecklessness.

Cooking. Hes killer in the kitchen but again never says this. He wants to learn how to make sourdough bread from scratch but blows it each and every time.

Ideal night? Bill Evans lounge piano, copious amounts of wine, and cooking at home for his girl who, because it turns her on to see him turned on, may have just slipped into some 50's housewife dress she found at a thrift store and is doing something deliciously domestic like setting an adorable table and making sorbet for after dinner.

He falls for brainy, busty, bohemian types who have enough gas in their tank to paint the town red and enough zen to stay in with a book and nice lamp light. You call em like you see em and know how to give tough advice and shoulder rubs alike. You are intense yet demure and whisper inappropriate things in my ear at inappropriate times. You have drive and passion and are relentlessly in the pursuit of better versions of whatever is the currently best version. We sleep in on sundays and makeout and have mimosa fueled brunches and then hit a museum. Or if the weather sucks, we crawl back in bed and watch the star wars trilogy.
You like rolling in freshly cut grass and the sound of rain hitting the window. Candles make you feel warm and vulnerable. You may smell like lavender or dusty bookshelves or both. You are sweet like ice cream and spicy like a pepper. You are a badass but shy as a lamb

Looks. Im pretty effing cute Im told. Dirty blonde curls, bright green eyes, plump lips that should have awarded him a PhD in kissing, and he wears denim incredibly well.

Hes a bit broken hearted and disenchanted these days. He is hoping, perhaps just as you are, that someone out there can brighten things up a little and put a much needed charge into life.

i hope youre out there hoping Im out there and that you respond.
i really do.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Fail blog

Well, more specifically, blog fail. Yes, that's right. I was on a roll, posting almost every day for the last month… until this week. Whoops. I'll chalk it up to the fact that I've been busy with work and life (oh, and making stuffed creatures from the book Plush-o-rama: Curious Creatures for Immature Adults).

Wally and I have been messaging a bunch this week, but so far there's been no date. I asked him out to a movie, but I sent the message so late last night (and via the dating service, not regular—and probably more frequently checked—e-mail) that he didn't get it until about an hour ago. He seems interested though, so perhaps we'll be able to get together this week.

Last night I looked at Craigslist again, just because Saturday night Craigslist postings are amusing, and found some really heinous posts (see below). However, I did read one that was so well-written that I might message to find out if the guy is for real. I'll post his listing here tomorrow, but for now you can just read some of the losers' subject lines:

• Sagittarian Looking For His Better Half......
• 12 fine reasons why I should be your next friend with benefits. - (come into my parlor......)
• Now it's your turn to tell me I'm cute also :) - 32
• world famous biker dogs total chicky & magnet & me for free
• Let 's go lingerie shopping - my treat :)
• Very bright, a lusty lass of any age, with eyes of wonder
• persian woman sought by this handsome, successful businessman
• Be Hepburn to my Tracy, Bacall to my Bogie - 53

Monday, November 17, 2008

Word from Wally

So I heard back from Wally—receiving any response at all is usually a cause for celebration—and he sounds really cool. I don't have too many plans for the weekend, so perhaps the two of us might be able to meet…

A quick bit of silliness from someone calling himself "babychipmunk":

"Ive always been young at heart, and I use the term loosley. Throughout my years on this planet, I've applied my creativity to every aspect of my life. Im what they call an AB or Adult Baby. ABism didnt actually become a corner stone til later on. I enjoy the euphoric escapism and returning to that state of innocence. I also appreciate furry or babyfur art since I have a soft spot for that sorda thing. In relation, Im an obsessive fan of Sonic the Hedgehog…"

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Shizznisel-snip snap

I got a good one (from Wally). I'm way too tired to answer it tonight—let alone write anything more about it here—but I will tomorrow. Until then, how about a funny bit from a fellow named hubert707:

"well well well what can i tell u perves that will make u happy....ummmmm the hottest outfit a girl can wear is a wife-beater in the morning with no makeup on and boy shorts that right their is the shizznisel-snip snap."

Saturday, November 15, 2008


I messaged Wally. Now I'm just waiting for a response. Waiting. I really hate waiting.

However, after having spent a couple of hours at the Prop. 8 protest today, I have absolutely NOTHING to complain about. I may be waiting for some guy to message me back, but millions of people are waiting for marriage equality. There's really no comparison.

Friday, November 14, 2008


Self-esteem is an interesting concept: too little makes for a pessimistic, often self-depricating individual; too much and a person is cocky and arrogant. I'm like Goldilocks, I guess—I'm looking for a guy with enough self-esteem to feel comfortable with himself but not enough to make him arrogant.

Having said that, here are some relevant posts:

Too much: I am a natural with electronics and anything that requires infinite patience. I'm one of those annoying people who is basically good at everything with little to no effort. I am good at and love cooking. Its not vegan though - I am a 4th generation dairy heir. (electronic milk)

Too little: I'm a passionate, driven and entirely absent-minded person who wants to make the world a better place and is concerned about the massively unequal distribution of wealth. I love learning and meeting new people. I'm probably not cool enough for this website. (foldr)

Too much or too little? I can't tell: Sometimes I stay up too late and send nonsensical messages… so if you get a weird message from me, just ignore it. Unless you can come up with an EVEN WEIRDER reply! We can out-weird each other until the internet explodes! (apparatattack)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Oooh…perhaps I really will message this one

For all my sarcasm and snark, I do still use the dating site for its intended purpose: trying to find someone I might want to meet and, if all goes well, date. This morning, when I logged in, there was a profile snippet of a new user whom I will call Wally (username: World-At-Large). He sounded cool, so I looked at his entire profile and discovered that we have a ton in common, but enough differences to keep things interesting. According to our site, we are an incredibly high match; I think I'll message him…

And now for your diversion:

"I'm a very sensual being, I enjoy being in my body and exploring it in many ways. I enjoy using my mind also, but try to stay in body more than in my thoughts. I have a deep Love for the innocence of the human race and a disgust for the dark side of humans that has created so much war on ourselves and the planet." (EroticTouch)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

You should message me if…

The dating site has a profile section that is titled that way and it can be very interesting to read what people say. Here are some examples:

"…you are selling a medium to large sized bust of Chairman Mao made out of opaque white glass. (I don't particularly admire the man. I just want to turn him into a lamp and/or use him as a hat model.) If not that, just message me if, you know, we are some what statistically compatible." (m3rm3r)

"You feel it…isnt that what it starts with? And if my description on here isn't too vague for you and you might be interested in actually getting to know me.Or,you're curious..Please just be at least 95% intelligent..I would go for 100% but let's be realistic." (lyesus)

"You don't want to borrow money off of me. --OR-- You need emergency medical assistance and there's no one else to call you an ambulance. I'll get right on it! --OR-- You want to borrow money off of me. Guess I'm just fickle like that! ;)" (Blah McJones)

"You feel able to converse with me and you kick ass. You know who you are. Everyone jokes that they kick ass but most know, deep down inside, that they truly kick nothing. Would you call yourself giggly? Yep . . . not kicking ass. Also you should have no harsh feelings about my open support of casual sex. My wang is mine and I'll use it however I want and I respect your right to use your junk however you see fitting as well!" (386643)

I'm a little concerned about the ambulance guy. If I'm in need of an ambulance, I don't think I'm going to IMing a random guy on a dating site so that he can call an ambulance… Oh, and all of the statements are copied exactly as they were written—no matter how bad the punctuation and/or spelling.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Guildenstern seeks muse

Tired of Rosencrantz.

The project is to escape the script.

(flips the coin)


Your turn.

So said an ad I found on Craigslist the other day. I'm not entirely sure what to make of it, but it certainly stands out from much of the dreck that is on CL personals.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Craigslist = Instant source of …?

If you're not actually looking for anything serious, Craigslist is certainly, um, interesting. After my initial foray into the world of Craigslist personals in the spring, I wasn't exactly thrilled with my prospects there. However, I've been meaning to look back into it, for a diversion, if nothing else.

Diversion indeed. Here are some of the subject lines on the "Men seeking women" section that were posted in the last few hours:

• I would like to be kissed by a geek - 25
• Latent homosexual fantasies/desires and cunning linguist - 45
• I Don't Have To Work Tomorrow! Drinks? - 32
• like a challenge? 500 this one!
• My Name is Whitney, and I'd Like You to Meet My Dad
• I won't send you pictures of my genitals. Honest. - 34
• Professional ARTIST seeks ARTIST/ MUSE for amazing adventures - 32
• educated, professional toker seeks smart partner in crime - 30
• Slave Wanted, benefits - rent, food and a damn good lifestyle - 32 - (cage)
• Foreign, handsome, cultured toyboy in exchange for board - 19
• Petite, Slender Cutie With Perky Booty? Happy Funny Hipster For You! - 44

Here's one last ad, shown in its entirety, for you to contemplate:

Subject line: Dense as Dostoyevsky
Ad: Saturated with the noise and in dire need for the silence of lust, malfunctioning brain, long legs, scanning eyes, muted munchian scream, girl.
Functional android, looking for new memories.

Friday, November 7, 2008


I like kittens. They're cute, silly, and frequently cuddly. I don't, however, like being compared to a kitten:

"I like my women like I like my kittens: active, playful, and just dependent enough to cuddle and take naps with me. Litterbox-trained goes without saying, of course. (I now have two wonderful little kittens, and I love them dearly.)

"Physical fitness and hygiene are important. My kittens lick their butts—and I'm not saying you should too (though I'd be rather impressed if you could!), but I expect you to keep yourself clean. I'm clean and fit, and it's unlikely I would be interested in someone who is dirty, or in someone who is not in some very vague realm of fitness."

Thanks, crazy guy, for that interesting perspective. (I'm not going to post his username because, though this is totally weird, I'm pretty sure it's actually his name.)

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Older Men

I know many women who like to date guys who are older; however, older usually means 3-5 years. It does not mean "old enough to be my father."

So, that said, why oh why is my profile so regularly looked at by men who fit into that "father" category? Do they really think that a 24 year-old is really going to date someone twice her age? Urgh. Plus, I know women in their 30s and 40s who can't find men who want to date them because those guys are going after 20-somethings like me.

It's times like this when I find myself agreeing with Avenue Q's Kate Monster when she says, "I HATE men! I'm leaving! I HATE the internet!"

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


I simply don't know why people like this (username: Planetface) even bother…

"I don't take this site seriously, or srsly for that matter. I don't like jerks, but I'm an asshole. I'm a kickass walking contradiction. ----------- It said I needed to add to my self-summary to get more points and stuff. We all know this is about getting the high score, so rock on. I don't really know what to say here, but I'm hoping I can ramble on long enough to complete whatever length is needed. Somehow this reminds me of fluffing out my papers in high school to meet a quota. I ate a…"

I don't know what he ate, because that was all that showed up on my homepage and I had no desire to look at his whole profile. But really, why would you even join a dating site if you were going to approach it like this.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Debating politics: Turn-on or Turn-off?

After being IMed last night about politics (in part, I assume, because I have some political positions for this election on my profile), I have to say it was a bit of a turn-off. I mean, I guess it was flattering to receive an IM that was about something substantive, but at the same time, an in-depth debate about redistricting is not really what I'm on the site for.

For those of you currently in relationships (or who can remember past relationships in detail) what do you think about this? Are you turned on by a political debate with your partner?

And on a lighter note: Here's someone else who has some feelings about what he does and does not want to be IMed about (taken from his journal post):

"I would not like to get any messages from any users that are pro dog fights. Also, you can trick me into going to a dog fight if you create a poster that said, "Dawg Fights" but frankly I wouldn't like being tricked into it. What sort of person are you if you go around looking for love on [dating site] and then you organize dog fights? I wish dog fights involved two dogs in airplanes shooting down each other. I would never root for the Great Dane. Only if this was some sort of fantasyland can we ever see a great dane winning."

I suppose it is worth noting that this guy lives in Texas…

Monday, November 3, 2008

A shaman

"I am an artist, shaman, writer and inventor in life and relationships. I invite you to explore my on-line world at:"

I went to this website and it is a bit…scary? odd? ridiculous? You tell me. Oh, and if he's an "inventor in relationships" why is he on a dating site?

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Just friends

After responding to his last message on Friday, I finally heard back from Richard today. He said that he's only just getting back into the dating scene and didn't really feel a romantic connection between us; he did, however, feel really comfortable with me and hopes he made a new friend. I think I've been single for such a long time that I was wanting things to work out with Richard (relationship-wise) so badly that I overlooked the fact that we will probably make great friends, because I actually feel the same way as he does. It just took reading his message to make me figure this out. I'm surprisingly happy with this, as hard as that may be for some of you to believe. He proposed meeting up again soon—especially if it involves board games (yay!)—so we'll likely see each other again this week.

And now, for today's, um, interesting, profile: "Intellectual-Adventurer seeking a Muse. Think Indiana Jones meets Ender Wiggin, looking for someone like Reese Witherspoon or perhaps Amelie. I am confident and outgoing. I seek adventures, particularly tests of the mind, body and will—the impossible ski run, the glacier-clad mountain, the unsolved theoretical problem. Even if I fail, I wil have learned something—and I don't take stupid risks. Yet, I also have a softer side. I'm not afraid of being creatively affectionate…"

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Seriously? You think I'm going to message you?

While I was out and about today, I received the following message:

you're looking fine but you're looking better in victory secret and i'm a new on okcupid so not sure what i'm doing but happy late happy halloween. like to take u out to whitewater's on your mind - we can do it.

on my spare time i help the homeless for the community but most of the time i spend working.

msg me



After an exhausting week, I came home yesterday afternoon and collapsed in bed with some Thai take-out and "Paris, Je T'aime." At 9 o'clock, it was time for bed. However, when I put my computer away for the night, I left it running and with myself logged into the dating site. Therefore, around midnight, I received the following IM:

monkey1996: I like a women that begs:)

monkey1996: I'm scary but it is halloween right

monkey1996: what are you doin online here

Needless to say, I didn't respond and I've now blocked him. Who does he think he is?