Oh yeah, it was bad—really bad

No more dates with Eli ever again, no matter what definition of 'date' you want to use. He was awkward, exceedingly dorky, and he talked THE ENTIRE TIME. Sure, some might say that just means he's nervous, but really, I couldn't get him to stop talking. So, to the recap you've been waiting for:

We met at a central, public location. When I got off the bus, I could see him standing there waiting. He gets a point for this, though; I do appreciate promptness. He lost a few points though because, unlike a normal guy, he wasn't carrying a messenger bag or backpack, but a small duffel bag. Who carries a little duffel bag around, let alone on a date?

We began walking up to the staircases we wanted to explore and easily started up a conversation. Or at least I though it was a conversation. I quickly realized, however, that it was a monologue. Imagine, if you will, a play in which the protagonist is on stage, spouting off about himself at a younger age (or some other topic that is really only interesting to him), when a servant/page/friend comes on stage to try and tell him something; he listens momentarily, but continues talking before the other person can finish speaking. Now, multiply this scenario by 20, add at least 10 steep staircases and many hills, a lot of rain, and then you will understand what this date was like.

I did try to interject my own thoughts/responses/opinions/etc. at first, but I finally just gave up and asked him questions, letting him respond for as long as he wanted. At one point, we were quite close to a favorite bakery/café of mine and I said something like, "Oh, look, That Bakery is right down there. I love that place! (Hint, hint, want to go and get out of the rain?" Unfortunately, he had other staircases he wanted to climb, so we kept on going. Of course I should have stopped, told him I wasn't having a good time, etc., but I didn't for some horrendously foolish reason and kept on going. Stupid me. Live and learn, right?

The only good part about this whole debacle was that we met at 2 and he had to go his own way at 4. As we were saying goodbye (a very awkward one, by the way, as all I could think was, "oh please, get me out of here now"), he reminded me that he'd brought with him something for the Groundhog Day party I'd mentioned I was going to that night. It was a groundhog golf club head cover. As if the date hadn't already been ridiculous, this just made it even more so. I thanked him promised him that it would go to the party and then bid him a hasty farewell so as to get far away from him as quickly as possible.

When I got home I was tired, sore, sick (I wasn't feeling great in the morning, but I didn't want to cancel the date on the off chance he was actually a cool guy), and exceedingly wet. I actually stopped to buy a space heater on my home so I could begin to dry out my clothes and my boots. I went back out a few hours later to have dinner with a friend who was going to the party (I had decided that there was no way I was going to make it, especially with the storm outside) and hand off the groundhog. I figured if she had it, perhaps she'd lose it and I'd never have to see it or Eli ever again.

Now I'm home and trying to dry out and warm up. I think it's going to be a while before I ever feel warm again…