that you don't want me there in your life?
(Coldplay, "What If")
The date with Henry went really well, I think. We had dinner at an awesome South Indian place (lots of nice ambiance, lots of delicious food for your money) and then walked over to a funky little cafe that has live music every night. Last night, as it is every Sunday, was classical music. Henry's a classically trained singer—he even did a masters in voice—and spent some of his childhood playing various brass instruments, so he got just as much, if not more out of the concert than I did. It was nice to be with someone with whom I could have an awesome conversation but who also shares my love of music. Music is such a central part of my life that I find it hard to imagine a relationship could last if the guy in my life didn't appreciate it as I do.
So now I'm waiting. I messaged him and I was the one to ask him on the date, so now I feel as though I should give him a chance to message or call me. I got the impression that he had as good of a time as I did, so I'm hoping he'd be up for a second date. Even if a relationship doesn't come out of this, I really would like to have him as a friend. He's that neat and I'll be disappointed if he doesn't feel the same way.
Therefore, I'm a bit confused about the fact that before I messaged Henry, I'd IMed with a guy I'll call Adam. I originally messaged Adam to correct something on his profile, but didn't expect anything to come of it. Instead, we IMed for over an hour and I ended up with his phone number. He doesn't live in the city, and the one day he was going to be here that week was the one day I already had plans, so we'd agreed that I'd call him in a few days and that we'd go from there. To make a long story a teeny bit shorter, I didn't call him because I wasn't feeling well (I told him as much) and then kind of forgot about him as I planned my date with Henry. He just IMed me. He asked if I was feeling better, we exchanged pleasantries about the weekend, and then he said he'd call me this week.
This is why, when last year I was faced with the option of chatting with two different guys during the same week, I decided I couldn't do it. It's too confusing—emotionally, logistically, etc. I really want to see how this thing works out with Henry, but Adam seems cool too. I never thought I'd be in this position—don't get me wrong, it is flattering—and I just don't really know what to do about it. Advice? Words of wisdom?
11 comments:
Glad it went well! I've never been in that situation, but my advice would be, at this very early point in the game, to date both of them.
(I'm trying to figure out where you ate-- Udupi is the cheap one but Dosa has better ambiance...)
Udupi. It's surprisingly nice given the price, what with the dark wood furniture, cloth napkins, decor, etc. Want to go there sometime soon?
Any time! That's my favorite place.
I dated two guys at the same time once. It was very confusing. One night, I just got off the phone with one of them and the phone was in my hand when it rang and ti was the other guy.
Things got crazy and eventually I had to drop one of the dudes. He didn't take it well. Eventually, I dropped the other guy, too.
My recommendation is this: when things start getting serious, then you'll have to pick one. Unless you've had a conversation on the topic, don't assume that you're the only girl their dating either.
You make an excellent point, SQ. I have only ever been willing to date one person at a time, but I often forget that not everybody thinks this way. I think when I decide that I want to see someone exclusively, it's important to talk that over with the guy and find out what his feelings on the subject are.
Why not date both? Seems unlikely your feelings for both will remain exactly the same long enough for it to be a problem.
I'll probably go on a date with Adam sometime soon, and see how it goes. However, it's like SQ said: it can be really confusing trying to remember what I've talked about with one guy or the other. Is he the one who has two brothers and a sister, or is he the one with just a brother. Or, is he the one who's really into hearing books read aloud to him or is that the other one?
I think you'll be confused because they look so much alike...BAM! ;-)
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
For all of you who are still reading these comments, Ily (who, unlike you, has seen pictures of both of them) is sadly mistaken: they don't look alike. They're white and have facial hair but the similarities pretty much end there.
What you said about trying to keep track of what you said to who is a problem I had not considered. Hmm. Try thinking of it this way: if you were having a conversation with one of these guys and he got mixed up whether you were an only child or had an older sister, how would you feel? Would you be offended, or would you think it was just a casual mis-remember?
My guess is that neither of these guys has a perfect memory and therefore will probably not be hurt if you forget a few details about their lives. You are still in the "getting to know you" stage of the relationships and so there is a lot of new information coming your way. You can't be expected to remember it all.
Thanks for your reassuring comments, SQ. I guess I'm hyper-anal about this sort of thing.
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