I've recently become a regular reader of the Huffington Post, where I stumbled upon this article: "
Why Do the Smartest Women Have the Toughest Time Dating?" by
Dr. Alex Benzer (hypnotherapist and author of
Tao of Dating,
Tao of Persuasion,
Tao of Sexual Mastery). In the article, Dr. Benzer writes about how he hates seeing all of his "smart, educated, lovely female friends remain single, alone and lonely in spite of their best efforts."
Here are the seven things Dr. Benzer believes are keeping all of us smart women from finding the right man:
- Some smart women put themselves in a no-win bind when it comes to finding an intellectual match.
- Smart women bring their inner CEO to the date.
- Smart women don't make love a top priority.
- Smart women mistake a person for real fulfillment.
- Smart women overthink it.
- Smart women underplay their feminine charms.
- Smart women are waiting for love to show up versus showing up as love.
I'm not sure that I agree with Dr. Benzer on most of these points, though I know #5 will always be true for me. I'm an expert overanalyzer.
Read the article and tell me what you think. Do agree with him on any of these. Disagree? Have something to add to the list?
2 comments:
Hee...most of what I was going to say was already commented on by other people on the Huffington Post site, so I'll just copy/paste a few things I agreed with:
1. Meh. I'm with a few of the other women on here. I'd rather be single than feel like I have to cater to a man's ego all the time.
Too much push-me-pull-you here in the subtext. "Be a light" but ultimately, "dull your shine."
2. I think this author is seriously confusing smart women and successful women.
3. Why do smart women have problems dating? Because smart women actually think they are a man's equal, and men (deep down) still don't appreciate this.
Maybe that's a pessimistic viewpoint, but in too many cases, "be feminine" means "be a stereotype". And in the long term, that will never work out. But then again, I come from a completely different theoretical angle than Benzer does, and I'm totally against gender roles that people feel compelled to act out just because they have certain chromosomes. What we need is new dating for new times. Whether people like it or not, feminism happened. We've been told to dumb it down for 3000 years. Can we really change that and yet still have the rest of our society remain exactly the same? The problem isn't smart women, it's that the rest of the culture hasn't caught up with us.
I totally agree with Illy. Furthermore, the newest studies say that having more education means that a woman is actually more likely to end up partnered.
So maybe the whole thing just boils down to this: dating can be hard and confusing, and everyone feels like they have disadvantages in one way or another. Smart women shouldn't blame their smarts; smart women should use 'em!
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