It's really interesting how my dislike of alcohol and, thus, my general disinterest in bars and clubs, has made it quite difficult to find and meet single men. Sure there are lots of other ways to meet people, but meeting new people at bars seems like something most twenty-somethings are good at. Therefore, I would like to announce that I've found a bar that I actually like. It's got half hour pizzas at happy hour (and they're really good too), nice staff, a good location, cool art on the walls, and lots of good places to hang out with friends or sit by oneself and read a book. I've been with co-workers twice, but yesterday I decided to go over on my own with a book, have some pizza, and just enjoy being somewhere other than my apartment. I plan to make this a regular Friday thing. It's a really nice way to unwind after a long week.
Why am I telling you all of this? Well, you see, after an hour and a half or so of sitting there at the bar with my book, pizza, and non-alcoholic beverage, a guy sits down next to me. He doesn't look out of place, but it seemed like maybe he hadn't been there before. The waitress gave him a food menu and explained that the pizzas were half-price. I decided to go for it: I turned to him and made a pizza recommendation. We ended up talking for two hours.
Now, I'd like to point out that while it was flattering to have his attention, I don't think I'd really want to date this guy (let's call him James). Here are my reasons (and don't hesitate to comment and let me know if I'm being too petty):
- He's 38 (he told me about having recently been to his 20-year high school reunion).
- He's the father of a four year-old boy. There was no ring, so I'm guessing divorce, but I didn't ask.
- James drank about five glasses of Stella and had just started on his second bottle of Bud Light by the time I left (7 beers in 2 hours? Isn't that a lot?)
- He spends most of the week in San Jose, but comes up to San Francisco regularly. However, he travels for work A LOT
- James doesn't care about current events. We had a chat about this and we both agreed that the mainstream media is too full of depressing stories about violent deaths, wars, and the recession; however, we disagreed in that I still am a regular consumer of news, just from other sources.
- Going along with my previous point, I felt smarter than him, by quite a lot. I'm not sure if I could enjoy being with someone who wasn't my intellectual equal.
In the end, I gave him my card, mostly so I could pass along my Yelp reviews (he'd never heard of Yelp) since he seemed desperately in need of knowledge about where to go and what to do when he's in San Francisco. He asked me if he could call me and I said I prefer e-mail. We'll see. I'm not sure whether I would actually want to see him again. However, it was nice to have this kind of interaction. Perhaps next time it'll be with someone I definitely do want to see again.
Back to the online world for now. I'm probably going on a date tomorrow night with a guy from the dating site (he'll be Henry). We're both classical music fans and there's a cafe that has free classical music on Sunday nights that I've been meaning to check out for a while. I told him about it and he thought it sounded good. Henry gave me his number and I'm to call him to set up the date. I'll let you know how that goes.
Finally, because this post is already long, I'm going to make it a little longer by sharing with you this tidbit from Craigslist:
DATE ME NOW - 25
Shut up, do what I tell you, I'm not interested! These are just some of the things you'll hear if you answer this ad. I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself. P.S. No dogs!
New Thoughts
3 years ago
5 comments:
In my opinion, an experience can be valuable even if it doesn't lead to marriage and babies. I think your experience with James is in this category.
What you gathered from this is that you have the social savvy to make conversation with a new person, even if he doesn't turn out to be exactly what you're looking for.
I have to admit that the divorce and child make him substantially less attractive to me. Stuff like that shows that the two of you wouldn't have some very important things in common. While I never like hard and fast rules, I see nothing wrong with saying that you would like to be with a person who has never been married since that comes with a lot of baggage.
Meeting new people in bars is really hard, especially if it's loud and/or dark. You have the advantage of being sober, but a lot of people seem like they have to be wasted before they can talk to a new person. It probably depends a lot on the bar and the crowd, but I think meeting new people in the light of day is usually the best bet. I wonder who these 20-somethings are who it's easy for...maybe a lot of people are just looking to hook up, so their expectations aren't that high.
I think you're right, Ily, when you point out that a lot of the people who go to bars to meet people aren't looking for a long-term relationship. If an LTR comes out of it, great, but if it doesn't, there's always another bar for another night…
I think some people just like drinking and getting drunk, and maybe they are looking for someone to do that with. I've never really figured it out myself. Alcohol is so unpleasant to consume and it gives me no pleasure I could observe.
Please consider that you are overthinking all of this. I suggest that you try to enjoy youself 'in the moment'. Instead of trying to imagine each guy as your husband and quantifying his less appealing traits why not just take things as they happen?
So, this guy isn't into the news, drinks too much and has a kid -- so what? Maybe he only drank that much b/c he's not used to talking to such a hot babe as yourself? Maybe he has an armadillo sized wang in his pants that you could have had hours of fun bouncing on all night; maybe he has a Gene Simmons sized tounge and a pussy eating fetish too. You'll never know.
By the way, that craigs list post you quoted is actually a quote itself -- from the British comedy show "The IT Crowd". Things are not always what they seem.
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