Guildenstern seeks muse

Tired of Rosencrantz.

The project is to escape the script.

(flips the coin)

Heads.

Your turn.

So said an ad I found on Craigslist the other day. I'm not entirely sure what to make of it, but it certainly stands out from much of the dreck that is on CL personals.

Craigslist = Instant source of …?

If you're not actually looking for anything serious, Craigslist is certainly, um, interesting. After my initial foray into the world of Craigslist personals in the spring, I wasn't exactly thrilled with my prospects there. However, I've been meaning to look back into it, for a diversion, if nothing else.

Diversion indeed. Here are some of the subject lines on the "Men seeking women" section that were posted in the last few hours:

• I would like to be kissed by a geek - 25
• Latent homosexual fantasies/desires and cunning linguist - 45
• NAUGHTY SOCIAL CHANGE ACTIVIST - 42 - (somewhere SPICY)
• I Don't Have To Work Tomorrow! Drinks? - 32
• like a challenge? 500 roses..read this one!
• My Name is Whitney, and I'd Like You to Meet My Dad
• ROMANTIC ENGLISH KNIGHT SEEKS HIS PRINCESS TO SWEEP OF HER FEET :-) - 22
• I won't send you pictures of my genitals. Honest. - 34
• Professional ARTIST seeks ARTIST/ MUSE for amazing adventures - 32
• educated, professional toker seeks smart partner in crime - 30
• Slave Wanted, benefits - rent, food and a damn good lifestyle - 32 - (cage)
• Foreign, handsome, cultured toyboy in exchange for board - 19
• Petite, Slender Cutie With Perky Booty? Happy Funny Hipster For You! - 44

Here's one last ad, shown in its entirety, for you to contemplate:

Subject line: Dense as Dostoyevsky
Ad: Saturated with the noise and in dire need for the silence of lust, malfunctioning brain, long legs, scanning eyes, muted munchian scream, girl.
Functional android, looking for new memories.

Kittens

I like kittens. They're cute, silly, and frequently cuddly. I don't, however, like being compared to a kitten:

"I like my women like I like my kittens: active, playful, and just dependent enough to cuddle and take naps with me. Litterbox-trained goes without saying, of course. (I now have two wonderful little kittens, and I love them dearly.)

"Physical fitness and hygiene are important. My kittens lick their butts—and I'm not saying you should too (though I'd be rather impressed if you could!), but I expect you to keep yourself clean. I'm clean and fit, and it's unlikely I would be interested in someone who is dirty, or in someone who is not in some very vague realm of fitness."

Thanks, crazy guy, for that interesting perspective. (I'm not going to post his username because, though this is totally weird, I'm pretty sure it's actually his name.)

Older Men

I know many women who like to date guys who are older; however, older usually means 3-5 years. It does not mean "old enough to be my father."

So, that said, why oh why is my profile so regularly looked at by men who fit into that "father" category? Do they really think that a 24 year-old is really going to date someone twice her age? Urgh. Plus, I know women in their 30s and 40s who can't find men who want to date them because those guys are going after 20-somethings like me.

It's times like this when I find myself agreeing with Avenue Q's Kate Monster when she says, "I HATE men! I'm leaving! I HATE the internet!"

Srsly…

I simply don't know why people like this (username: Planetface) even bother…

"I don't take this site seriously, or srsly for that matter. I don't like jerks, but I'm an asshole. I'm a kickass walking contradiction. ----------- It said I needed to add to my self-summary to get more points and stuff. We all know this is about getting the high score, so rock on. I don't really know what to say here, but I'm hoping I can ramble on long enough to complete whatever length is needed. Somehow this reminds me of fluffing out my papers in high school to meet a quota. I ate a…"

I don't know what he ate, because that was all that showed up on my homepage and I had no desire to look at his whole profile. But really, why would you even join a dating site if you were going to approach it like this.

Debating politics: Turn-on or Turn-off?

After being IMed last night about politics (in part, I assume, because I have some political positions for this election on my profile), I have to say it was a bit of a turn-off. I mean, I guess it was flattering to receive an IM that was about something substantive, but at the same time, an in-depth debate about redistricting is not really what I'm on the site for.

For those of you currently in relationships (or who can remember past relationships in detail) what do you think about this? Are you turned on by a political debate with your partner?

And on a lighter note: Here's someone else who has some feelings about what he does and does not want to be IMed about (taken from his journal post):

"I would not like to get any messages from any users that are pro dog fights. Also, you can trick me into going to a dog fight if you create a poster that said, "Dawg Fights" but frankly I wouldn't like being tricked into it. What sort of person are you if you go around looking for love on [dating site] and then you organize dog fights? I wish dog fights involved two dogs in airplanes shooting down each other. I would never root for the Great Dane. Only if this was some sort of fantasyland can we ever see a great dane winning."

I suppose it is worth noting that this guy lives in Texas…

A shaman

"I am an artist, shaman, writer and inventor in life and relationships. I invite you to explore my on-line world at: www.DaneEasterRose.com."

I went to this website and it is a bit…scary? odd? ridiculous? You tell me. Oh, and if he's an "inventor in relationships" why is he on a dating site?

Just friends

After responding to his last message on Friday, I finally heard back from Richard today. He said that he's only just getting back into the dating scene and didn't really feel a romantic connection between us; he did, however, feel really comfortable with me and hopes he made a new friend. I think I've been single for such a long time that I was wanting things to work out with Richard (relationship-wise) so badly that I overlooked the fact that we will probably make great friends, because I actually feel the same way as he does. It just took reading his message to make me figure this out. I'm surprisingly happy with this, as hard as that may be for some of you to believe. He proposed meeting up again soon—especially if it involves board games (yay!)—so we'll likely see each other again this week.

And now, for today's, um, interesting, profile: "Intellectual-Adventurer seeking a Muse. Think Indiana Jones meets Ender Wiggin, looking for someone like Reese Witherspoon or perhaps Amelie. I am confident and outgoing. I seek adventures, particularly tests of the mind, body and will—the impossible ski run, the glacier-clad mountain, the unsolved theoretical problem. Even if I fail, I wil have learned something—and I don't take stupid risks. Yet, I also have a softer side. I'm not afraid of being creatively affectionate…"

Seriously? You think I'm going to message you?

While I was out and about today, I received the following message:

you're looking fine but you're looking better in victory secret and i'm a new on okcupid so not sure what i'm doing but happy late happy halloween. like to take u out to whitewater's on your mind - we can do it.

on my spare time i help the homeless for the community but most of the time i spend working.

msg me

WTF?

Halloween

After an exhausting week, I came home yesterday afternoon and collapsed in bed with some Thai take-out and "Paris, Je T'aime." At 9 o'clock, it was time for bed. However, when I put my computer away for the night, I left it running and with myself logged into the dating site. Therefore, around midnight, I received the following IM:

monkey1996: I like a women that begs:)

monkey1996: I'm scary but it is halloween right

monkey1996: what are you doin online here

Needless to say, I didn't respond and I've now blocked him. Who does he think he is?