Within minutes of posting the ad Superquail wrote for me, I started receiving responses. I've gotten three in the first thirty minutes alone.
Message #1: Very short response, simply sharing that he too had been to Australia and wondered if I might like to chat. He sent a picture, but I can't really tell how old he is. I wrote a similarly short response, telling him only where I'd been in Oz and asked where he'd been. I attached the same photo that's on the dating site.
Message #2: A concise self-summary, which included, among other things, his age, height, and the fact that he'd just gotten out of a four-year relationship. Oh, and he's into talking, not e-mailing, IMing, etc. No picture either. I'm not sure if I want to be somebody's rebound. We'll see if I message him back.
Message #3: Uh-oh. A local. A local exactly my age. He seems to be doing well for himself, but he's also into dancing and clubbing, something that I'm totally not into. I don't know. We're probably only separated by two or three degrees (if that, this is not that big of a town, all things considered). Maybe I'll message him.
Oh, and in slightly different news, tonight's super-aggressive me also messaged two people on the dating site, one of whom just responded. Yippee! Perhaps something will come of all of tonight's activity…
New Thoughts
3 years ago
6 comments:
That's so cool!! I can't wait to see how this develops. Since I'm far to far away to set you up on real dates, it's pretty awesome that I was able to do this!
I feel inspired to give a piece of unsolicited advice. I have a friend who I shall call "Ann" who had nothing but woes in the world of romance. She was one of those steady girls, the kind who is beautiful, but doesn't turn heads. She walks into a room, and no one notices.
She was a hard-core girlscout, a valedictorian at her high school, went to Stanford, all of that jazz. She was an intellectual heavy-weight, big in helping other people out, volunteer work, promoting environmental protection, and raising awareness for just about every good cause you could think of.
Ann was not the kind of girl who would be described as "wild" or "crazy." Not the kind of girl who sweeps guys off their feet. Instead, she's the kind of person who's got your back no matter what happens. She is the kind of friend who will be there for you in the worst situations and never hold a grudge or hold any of your mistakes against you.
So, she had trouble finding boyfriends. She hooked up with a few guys who turned out to be only interested in a one-night stand, or who were really into someone else, or who were kind of obsessive.
Then she met a guy while traveling in the Amazon. The clicked and now they're getting married.
At first when I found out that he was 40 (and she's only 25) I was appalled. But then I got to thinking about it: maybe a man needs to be 40 years old before he can really appreciate what it means to have a woman who will support you and love and who doesn't get phased by anything.
So, what I am mildly suggesting here is this: maybe you need to pick out an older vintage.
I second Superquail. I know, off the top of my head, at least two happily-married heterosexual couples who both a) met on the internet and b) have a significant age gap. In both, the man is older (one by seven years, the other by twelve). And my boyfriend (whom I met on the internet) is eight years older than I am. I was really worried about the age gap at first, but it doesn't seem at all like a big deal now. I mostly just call him Oldy McOlderson a lot.
Actually, I look at profiles for guys who are up to about 33, maybe 34. As long as they don't seem like recent college-grads in non-recent college-grad bodies, I'm fine.
Also, I like that nickname, Oldy McOlderson, and it's a lot better than the way I originally read it, Moldy McMolderson (although, on further thought, Scully might have been able to use that for Mulder).
There are plenty of successful couples with a significant age gap. It is true that if you are super into pop culture and the person is not entirely of the same generation, there may be some inside jokes that the other person doesn't get - at least at first. But that doesn't seem an insurmountable obstacle to me.
I e-mailed with a guy last year who was 11 years older. It was a bit awkward when I'd say things like, "Oh I remember that song. It came out when I was in sixth grade…" and he'd say, "Um, I was in grad school then." Other than that though, I think there's a lot to be said for older guys.
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