Monday, January 26, 2009

If CL Personals were a fast food restaurant

I've got some personal stories and thoughts to post soon, but I really want to share with you, dear readers, this Craigslist ad I just found:


CL: Welcome to Craiglist's Personals, can I take your order?

Me: Uh, yeah, I'll have a smart, late-20's to mid-30's, physically active woman please.

CL: Short, medium, or tall?

Me: What's short?

CL: Short is 5'2" or shorter, medium is 5'2" to 5'8", and tall is 5'8" or taller.

Me: I'll take either short or medium, whatever you have in stock.

CL: Okay, short or medium it is... hair color?

Me: Well, it doesn't really matter

CL: Okay. Do you want to meet for drinks and dinner, or just the standard coffee/tea and engaging conversation?

Me: Hmm... I can meet for coffee, and then get to the dinner if it turns out to be fun. Going to an art gallery afterwards will work great too

CL: Okay, your total comes out to... a short description of yourself.

Me: Um, okay... white/Latin, 33, hot, fit, fun, fearless.

CL: I'm sorry, we've run out of short/medium women looking for hot white/Latin men. All we have are flakes, spammers, and men posing as women. Do you want one of those, or maybe something else?

Me: Damn it. Okay. Any tall women looking for a connection?

CL: Let me check... nope, no tall women either.

Me: Ugh... are the flakes any cute?

CL: Escorts? Did I say flakes? I'm sorry sir, they just canceled them from the menu at the last minute

Me: Okay then, I'll just try again later...

CL: Well, okay, thanks for coming to Craigslist's Personals!

The moral of the story is: If you'd describe yourself as a luscious, full-course, delectable dinner instead of a fast-food item, by all means send me an email to place your order! Your total will come out to...a picture and a description of yourself! =)


Ily said...

Aah! When metaphors attack!

Superquail said...

That is hilarious! Will you be emailing this fellow?

Katie said...

I don't know that I really consider myself a "luscious, full-course, delectable dinner" but this ad certainly was a fun read.

Superquail said...

What do you think a person needs to be in order to qualify as a "luscious, full course, delectable dinner"?

Katie said...

I don't know what it would take, SQ, but even if I did, I'm not sure that I'd ever want be described that way unless it was by someone I knew really, really well.

Superquail said...

I rarely think of people as food, but I do remember this one friend who I always thought of as Skittles. Whenever I would come back home during a vacation from college, I would meet up with her and we would chat and it would be jolly good fun, but after awhile it all started to taste the same, if you know what I mean.

But that is not really describing her as a person as much as it is the nature of our friendship.

Katie said...

That's an interesting comparison, skittles. You're right though, after a while they do all taste the same. That might be a good metaphor for my online dating experiences… let me work on that one.

Superquail said...

I really like Skittles, but I can't eat the red ones. The food coloring they use (red 40) gives me crazy headaches. I'm not super-sensitive to it (I've heard stories of people who check the packaging of everything to make sure there isn't any red 40 in it) but red skittles do a number on me.