Girlfriend Application

Having had a conversation yesterday about what is and isn't important in a partner, I thought that this was an interesting—albeit ridiculous—way to determine relationship potential. I find #9 rather offensive. What do you think of this list?

GIRLFRIEND APPLICATION - 26

1. Who did you vote for president? Why?

2. How close to your family are you? If not, why not?

3. What are your favorite tv shows and movies?

4. How often do you work out? How healthy are you?

5. What is your body type?

6. Describe your perfect date.....

7. What is your occupation? What is your ideal occupation?

8. School??? Done? Going? Future?

9. Why are you single now?

10. What annoys you the most about the opposite sex?

11. What is your favorite feature on me?

12. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

13. Are you religious? Explain..

14. Where have you traveled? Where do you want to travel?

15. Name 3 things that you must have in a relationship:

16. Have any kids? Ever been engaged? Married?

17. Name 3 things that you love about yourself?

I am fortunate enough to be the perfect age of 26 where I am mature and successful enough to be ready for a real quality relationship and at the same time young and energetic enough to make new friends and travel buddies without the deep involvement. So I am open to anything really. A girl that is fit or slim/petite is important to me as I am super fit. I take pride in my body and hopefully you do as well. Living with the deaths of my mother and best friend it is important to have a girl that is caring and cheerful most days. I just love living life happy and not dwelling on anything negative. No “Debbie Downers”! No drugs.

Thanks for the wonderful advice

I want to thank everyone who commented on my last post. You all provided me with lots of good advice and I think you're all spot on. Ken is severely lacking in tact, but my great desire to go to Philip Glass overrode my intuition; it took your comments to pull me back to reality. I've not heard from him for a number of days, so I think it's safe to say he's no longer interested. Frankly, I'm not either.

Here's your Craigslist silly for the day:

I WANT YOU TO LAMBADA ALL OVER MY FACE - 31

Is that too forward?

Maybe I should have said something like, "looking for a partner in crime," but we'll probably get arrested for being too awesome. (Is that even possible?)

I'm not trying to sell you anything (email me, email me, email me.) I'm just here to tell you that there are good, decent guys on CL and that you should give them a chance (by "them" I mean me) who are open to exploring all sorts of wonderful things (like lambada face dancing.)

Anyway, I can go on and on about what I'm all about but all I'll say is that I'm loyal, good hearted, respectful, humorous, and stable.

I'm confident that you will consider my attempt to gain your attention as commendable and what has transpired over the course of this ad will be talked about for generations to come (I'm also great at bullshitting.)

If you like funny, smart, sexy, interesting guys with a heart of gold you should contact me (I'll forward your email to someone that fits that description.)

Just kidding.

Bye.


P.S. If you're still reading (hint, hint, Lanafactrix), you could totally make my day by becoming a follower of my blog. To the six of you who already have: Thanks!

MWP (Most Worthwhile Person)

On Sunday I read a Craigslist that, for once, actually sounded promising. See for yourself:

PHILIP GLASS IN FEBRUARY. MY TREAT, WHO WANTS TO GO? - 23

Who would like to go to Philip Glass on Feb. 16th? My treat, would be nice having company to enjoy the performance with. I'm a normal guy, young professional, enjoy hanging out with all kinds of people. Your pic gets mine.

Now, for those of you who don't me (or, perhaps, even those of you who do), I really like Philip Glass. I'm not a Glass junkie, but I've heard my fair share. However, I've never heard any of his pieces live. Some of you may be thinking, "She just wrote that post about not wanting to date someone younger than her, so why is she considering this one?" I guess my answer to that is: It's Philip Glass, someone else would be paying for my ticket, and I'd get to meet someone new.

I responded and have exchanged a couple e-mails with the guy (let's call him Ken), but last I heard from him he said:

Not sure about the concert yet, you definitely sound like the most worthwhile person to talk to about the music. Regardless, it would be fun to meet up for coffee or a drink sometime to discuss music and other random things. Not often get to meet an SF native.

I told him to keep me posted on the concert and that I'd still be up for coffee regardless, but now I'm wondering if that was the right thing to say. If I'm the "most worthwhile," why isn't he sure that I should be the one to accompany him? Should I keep in touch with guy? Or is the MWP comment more offensive than I originally read it?

At least I know I can ignore this guy:

ARE YOU A HOT MESS? ME TOO!

So I am a very energy passionate fellow who is chipper and full of good cheer however I can honestly say I am one of the most complicated men you'll ever meet in terms of richness, texture, depth, and various shades of color.

I tend to view life in a kaleidoscopic wide angle lens and have a fascination in the interesting often overlooked mundane parts of our existence. I can delight in the absurd and dabble in the ridiculous and would love to share my slightly askew and yet perfectly sane perspective observations and adventures.

If you are even slightly intrigued and wish to learn more or just share a few thoughts of your own I invite your response.

Is he asking for it?

The other day I saw that a guy with the username of jewbags had looked at my profile. Not wanting to actually open his profile, I entered his username into the search box and wound up with this. dissux10304 sounds like a real charmer. I'm not sure about jewbags, but I believe that what he's written is in response to the question, "What do you do on the typical Friday night?"

If CL Personals were a fast food restaurant

I've got some personal stories and thoughts to post soon, but I really want to share with you, dear readers, this Craigslist ad I just found:

IF CL PERSONALS WERE A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - 33

CL: Welcome to Craiglist's Personals, can I take your order?

Me: Uh, yeah, I'll have a smart, late-20's to mid-30's, physically active woman please.

CL: Short, medium, or tall?

Me: What's short?

CL: Short is 5'2" or shorter, medium is 5'2" to 5'8", and tall is 5'8" or taller.

Me: I'll take either short or medium, whatever you have in stock.

CL: Okay, short or medium it is... hair color?

Me: Well, it doesn't really matter

CL: Okay. Do you want to meet for drinks and dinner, or just the standard coffee/tea and engaging conversation?

Me: Hmm... I can meet for coffee, and then get to the dinner if it turns out to be fun. Going to an art gallery afterwards will work great too

CL: Okay, your total comes out to... a short description of yourself.

Me: Um, okay... white/Latin, 33, hot, fit, fun, fearless.

CL: I'm sorry, we've run out of short/medium women looking for hot white/Latin men. All we have are flakes, spammers, and men posing as women. Do you want one of those, or maybe something else?

Me: Damn it. Okay. Any tall women looking for a connection?

CL: Let me check... nope, no tall women either.

Me: Ugh... are the flakes any cute?

CL: Escorts? Did I say flakes? I'm sorry sir, they just canceled them from the menu at the last minute

Me: Okay then, I'll just try again later...

CL: Well, okay, thanks for coming to Craigslist's Personals!

The moral of the story is: If you'd describe yourself as a luscious, full-course, delectable dinner instead of a fast-food item, by all means send me an email to place your order! Your total will come out to...a picture and a description of yourself! =)

Man-years

Last night I went on a date with Ryan. I'll write more about the date in a moment, but first I want to discuss the issue of age. Ryan's 30 and I'm 24, and that may seem like a fairly wide gap to some people. My answer to that: it's not a big gap when you're dealing in man-years. Man-years are like dog-years or cat years except where for animals a lower number of years corresponds to an older age, for men the lower the number, the lower the age. Although this has yet to be scientifically proven, I believe that to find man-years you must subtract five or six years from his biological years (BY) to determine his man-years (MY) There are always exceptions of course, but I think this formula works pretty well for the guys with whom I've gone on a date in the last year.

Ryan: BY: 30; MY: 24-25
Sandy: BY: 25; MY: 19-20
Wally: BY: 25; MY: Who knows? He was a really boring date.
Richard: BY: 30; MY: 24-25
Greg: BY: 33; MY: 27
Dan: BY: 24; MY: 22 (for the most part, though sometimes he seemed more like 19)
Carl: BY: 24; MY: 18
Eli: BY: 25; MY: 55 (big exception, I know, but it's really true)

So the date was fine, but nothing special. The whole point of the date was to try a Thai place that neither of us had been to and we did just that. We were able to keep conversation going for over an hour, so that's good, and I'd be up for trying another Thai place with him again; however, there wasn't any chemistry to speak of so if we were to go out again, it would just be as friends. As we left to go our separate ways, he said he'd call me. If he does, great. If he doesn't, whatever.

I'll leave you with this lovely ad from Craigslist:

WHORE'S GALORE IN THIS FORUM - 35

Just spam, fake and ugly third class woman here. There is no hope of any connection here.

I was almost tempted to message him just for kicks, but this guy clearly isn't worth even that little bit of effort.

Real Simple's "Love Rules" - Part 3

9. Love conquers all.
Love can withstand many hardships, but, as sociologist Pepper Schwartz writes, "Love won’t conquer poverty, addiction, or abuse." And it doesn't take something so severe either, as personal-development expert Barbara De Angelis says, "Love is a big part of a lasting relationship, but shared values and commitment are still required."

10. Everyone experiences the seven-year itch.
Who says it takes seven years? I think at some point in most relationships there's going to be a temptation to split up or start seeing someone on the side. Whether or not that temptation is acted on is up to the couple and how hard they're willing to work to keep the relationship going. Psychologist Howard Markman would agree with me I think, as he states: "The data show that most people who thought about getting divorced were happy they stayed married when surveyed five years later. When things are tough, focus on increasing friendship and sensuality in the relationship."

11. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
As much as I wish this were true—I fancy myself a pretty good cook and like making food for guys—I don't think it usually is. "It’s true if he loves food, but that part about having to feed the needs of his heart is true, too. Still, don’t lose sight of your own needs. For a relationship to be successful, both partners need to feel pleased and fulfilled," writes sex-therapist Judy Kuriansky. Ideally, my partner would want to cook with me and have the same skill-level that I do; there's something incredibly attractive about cooking together that I'd like to experience again.

Thus concludes my response to Real Simple's article. Are there any "love rules" that you've heard that I didn't include here? I'd love to know.

Finally, because a day doesn't go by that I don't find something truly ridiculous on Craigslist, here's your daily funny:

SURREALITY CHECK: DOES YOUR ASS EXIST WHEN NO ONE'S CHECKING IT OUT?

or is it Schroedinger's Ass?

For a clever answer, a professional asstimator will consider postmodern drinks.

36th Anniversary of Roe v. Wade

Today, January 22nd, 2008, is the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade and, as such, it has been declared National Blog for Choice day by NARAL (National Association to Repeal Abortion Laws) Pro-Choice America. I knew about the anniversary, but I didn't know about NARAL's campaign until Lanafactrix mentioned it on her blog.

Abortion may not be an obvious topic for this blog, but I think a connection can be made. While I am not doing online dating for one-night stands, there are plenty who are. I hope and assume that those people are taking every precaution to ensure that their date doesn't result in a pregnancy, but I'm sure there are still numerous pregnancies that happen just in this way. (I still haven't seen "Knocked Up" but I know that's the general gist of the movie.) Now, of this group of pregnancies, surely there are some that are carried to term, but there are probably quite a lot which are aborted. There are many, many reasons why I believe that a woman should have the right to choose (not being ready for parenthood, for her health, because of an assault or rape, etc.), but accidental pregnancy is certainly one of them. If a woman isn't ready to be a parent she should have the option to abort.

As a side note, the dating site has a question (one's answer is used when being matched with other users) that goes something like this: "Do you think it's OK for a woman to date/sleep with a man solely to get pregnant and then leave him as soon as she does?" I answered no.

Real Simple's "Love Rules" - Part 2

Continuing where I left off in my last post…

5. Never go to bed angry.
While it might be hard to sleep if there is something upsetting you, I agree with the "experts" that trying to talk about emotional subjects when you are very tired often ends up making the situation worse. I think psychologist Nancy Kalish has it right when she says, "You shouldn’t go to bed angry, but that doesn’t mean you have to solve every problem before you nod off. Even if an issue isn’t resolved, people who love each other should be able to put it aside and get some sleep, but with the understanding that it will be addressed in the near future with a time specified."

6. There is such a thing as love at first sight.
I've never experienced it—at least with animate objects (handbags on the other hand…). I think what sociologist Pepper Schwartz has the right idea: "It’s a romantic story when it works out, but you don’t hear about the relationships that end badly. Relationships start slow and build; they aren’t necessarily wonderful from the start."

7. Always keep him guessing.
This is very much like #3 (Always play hard to get). This phrase could mean a range of things, from spontaneously buying theatre tickets for an evening out to being outright dishonest. Clearly the latter is a bad thing, but random romantic acts are not. Dating-site co-founder is spot on in my book: "There’s good guessing and bad guessing, and it’s really about what kind of guessing you’re making him do. Try to keep the relationship fresh by being unexpectedly romantic."

8. You can never be too close.
I think at some point we've all felt smothered by the person (people) we love. Everyone needs some space in order to keep the relationship strong. Also, there's definitely the risk of taking another person for granted. As Ellen Wachtel, couples therapist, states: "Many marriages are damaged by partners thinking that closeness means not having to censor what they say or do. Some couples take each other for granted. Metaphorically speaking, they never get out of their sweat suits at home. If you don’t make an effort to be well mannered or attractive to your partner, then you’re too close."

I'll stop there for now. Tomorrow I'll work through the last three points:

9. Love conquers all.
10. Everyone experiences the seven-year itch.
11. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Real Simple's "Love Rules"

In the issue of Real Simple delivered to my apartment today, there's an article ("Love Rules") which examines common beliefs about love and relationships. They picked 13 "rules" and then had nine "experts"—including a founder of the dating site I use—discuss them. Since some are about marriage and/or kids, I will exclude those from my musings; I will, however, work through about ten over the next few days. Here are the first four.

1. Say "I love you" every day.
I think this is really important but, as psychologist Nancy Kalish says in the article, "it should be said often but it should be said sincerely, so it means something. Not just “Good-bye. Love you.” I think this is a good thing to keep in mind for a lot of words and phrases (curse words, in particular).

2. Play hard to get.
What's the point? I'm not in the business of wasting people's time. I completely agree with Sam Yagan, the co-founder of an online dating service: "Playing hard to get starts the relationship off on a deceptive foot. If you want your relationship to be based on trust, honesty, and communication, why would you begin it like that?"

3. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Short absences, perhaps. Long-term ones, I don't know. If we're talking a business trip or vacation, something with a definite end, I think I could handle it. If it's a nebulous, "I'll be away for a while and I don't know when I'll return" kind of thing, I think I'd have to do some serious soul-searching (as would, I think, the other person in the relationship).

Sociologist Pepper Schwartz had this to say on the matter: "To a point—and then absence makes the heart go roaming. You need a steady diet of intimacy and the other person’s presence to remember why you’re in the relationship. If you don’t see each other often enough, you can start to lead parallel lives instead of lives that intersect."

4. You can learn to love someone.
I'm going to agree with Greg Behrendt (co-author of He's Just Not That Into You) on this one: "No, that sounds like settling. I don’t believe in settling, because it’s not fair to the person you’re with or yourself. It’s not like settling on an apartment you don’t love but can live with." I think this is how I felt about Sandy. I really wanted to be in a relationship with him and he was giving signs that he wanted to be in a relationship with me, so I fooled myself into thinking that it would be great, but really I don't think it ever would have moved from like to love.

Next time I'll tackle these points:

5. Never go to bed angry.
6. There is such a thing as love at first sight.
7. Always keep him guessing.
8. You can never be too close.

Until then, I'll leave you with yet another reference to cougars. It's a title of a Craigslist post that I came upon tonight: TENDER PREY WAITING FOR A HUNGRY COUGAR - 35. What is it with cougars all of a sudden?

The ultimate cougar? No just a really sweet story.

You may have heard by now that there is a 107 year-old woman in Chongqing, China who is finally looking for a husband. Apparently she was very traumatized as a child when she was frequently witness to her uncle beating her aunt and, because of that and China's deeply patriarchal society, she never wanted to marry. Until now. Read the whole story here.

Given that I just wrote a bit about cougars, the first thing that popped into my head when I heard this story was that she must be the ultimate cougar. She could be the great grandmother of some of those women from yesterday's story. However, this woman is going to look only for another centenarian, so that they have as many things in common as possible.

According to the story, she'll be looking at nearby old-folks homes for a mate. Too bad online dating isnt' an option for her. Even if there were centenarians who wanted to look for love online, most dating sites allow only for two-digit ages.

Thai Food and Cougars

In my unofficial quest to message one new person every day, I messaged a guy from the dating site who said on his profile that he's trying to find the best Thai food in the city. This being a topic I know a lot about, I wrote him to say that I'm always looking for good Thai food and asked if he'd like to join forces and look together. I also sent him the link to my Yelp list of Thai places I've reviewed.

Lo and behold, I got a response from him—he'll be Ryan on this blog. We've bandied a list of places to try back and forth, and it looks like will be going out on Saturday. I like that there's a point to the date (try to find some good Thai food) but that there's been nothing personal to our e-mails. If we hit it off, great. If we don't, at least we get to share a meal with someone new. Oh, and if we do like each other, there are at least 100 more Thai restaurants in the city…

In other news, the San Francisco Chronicle ran a story in yesterday's Living section entitled "Cougars—unyoung women on the prowl." The article describes a singles event ($10 admission fee) for women over 50 and the (primarily) younger men who wanted to date them. My parents are almost 10 years apart, but, as my mom recently put it, she'd "been around the block a few times" before she met my dad and was, at that point ready to settle down. That said, my dad is the older one, not the other way around. This is all to say that I grew up knowing that I might find someone who was perfect for me that was not exactly my age.

However, as I read this article and looked at the accompanying photos, the only thought I had was: "These women are old enough to be the mothers of these guys." I don't know about you, but this just makes me uncomfortable. I watched "You've Got Mail" yesterday—more on that soon—but the whole "Annabelle is my sister and Matt is my uncle" part is completely unnerving. I don't think I could handle knowing that a friend of mine was dating a woman old enough to be my mom.

What do you, my lovely readers, think?

Finally, for today's interesting CL ad:

WOMAN, CREAM PIE, FLAT TIRE, CANNIBALISM, PANHANDLING

Don't think too much about subject line, it performed its function.

Looking for a girl to do Things with. The usual quals … clever, passionate, sexy, slender. Extra turn-ons: nonconsumers, manageably insane, off-shore breeds.

Me - tall, fit, driven, with a taste for improbable designs and chocolate.

So many false hopes

I didn't set out to do this, but since Wednesday I've messaged a new person every day on the dating site. I'm really trying to make something work, to find someone, to put myself out there, but I'm really not having any luck. It's disheartening to say the least.

On Wednesday, it was a guy who said he likes to travel and he listed hummus as one of the six things he can't do without. Of all the things people list in the "six things" section, hummus is not at all common. Food sure, but such a particular thing as hummus struck me as interesting. Plus, I really like travel and hummus. No response though.

Later that night I messaged the Katie/Jennifer guy. I haven't heard from him.

On Thursday, I read a profile that specified wanting a "partner in crime" among other things. I sent him a note that simply said, "If I were your partner in crime, what crimes would we commit?" Sadly, I never found out.

I opened my inbox on Friday to find that a new user (of the dating site) and looked at my profile and rated me favorably. I'd looked at his profile a few days before, but he'd only written a little bit in his self summary; I didn't really feel I knew enough about him to warrant a message. However, I decided to write him after his rating of me. I kept it short, responding to a comment in his profile about liking to find new music. Again, no response.

Then, right as I was about to log off and go to bed, an IM came through. I politely told him as much, but said I'd be happy to get a message from him.

Tonight, I think I'll message this guy who posted his ad on Craigslist this afternoon.

CUDDLING AND CUPCAKES - 29

My ideal Saturday night does not involve crowded clubs or loud dance floors. I would like to find a good cuddler to relax and watch a movie by the fireplace on this warm evening. There may be cupcakes involved if the timing is right, or really good dark chocolate as a fallback.

Do you have the cuddling skills to win a gold medal at the cuddle olympics? Do you offset all of China's human rights violations with your ability to relax and show affection?

You might be an olympic cuddler if:

1. You evaluate a lululemon wardrobe based on its cuddle versatility.
2. Your 27th pose involves melting into someone else and relaxing for the evening.
3. You understand human anatomy well enough to know my arms appreciate blood flow.
4. A cold day prompts images of a warm fire and a pile of blankets.
5. When you see a cute kitten you want to hold it gently as it nuzzles against you.
6. You enjoy relaxing to the sound of a heart beat.

Are you not quite at the olympic level of cuddling greatness? You will also improve your movie knowledge with such hilarious one-liners as:

• "Orange mocha frappuccinos!"
• "You need to be kissed. And often. And by someone who knows how!"
• "It's not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your men."
• "They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!"

Cuddling training sessions include chocolate. Worldly, dark, complex chocolates (I just got some good stuff from Madagascar). Act now and you may also enjoy some nice wine!

So why are you home alone on a Saturday night? What would you ideally like to be doing with your night instead? What is your olympic cuddling training regimen?

I am 29, single, and live in the SoMa district of San Francisco. I rented Hot Fuzz and I would like to see Revolutionary Road in the theater. I have many other movies and am not averse to on-demand rentals. I work hard, have a creative side, and appreciate the cool variety San Francisco has to offer.

What do you have planned for your long weekend? Any resolutions you would like to cross off early? Qualification rounds begin shortly.

Who doesn't like cuddling and cupcakes? I know I do.

Silence From Ted

Ted has not written back and, given that I saw his ad on Craigslist again last night, I'm guessing he's not going to. If I'm really honest with myself, that's just fine. He seems like he might be a bit too busy this spring to actually be a good date/partner.

Katie or Jennifer

I found this ad on Craigslist tonight and decided to be spontaneous and respond. Why not? It's an interesting premise, at the very least. With any luck, his name won't start with D…

KATIE OR JENNIFER - 33

So I've never dated anyone named Katie or Jennifer. But it seems that I keep meeting women named Katie or Jen, and I'm always attracted to them, and all are always taken. So, I know there must be a single Katie or Jen out there somewhere.

I'm single, fit, never married, no kids, don't smoke, responsible, easy on the eyes, more Mission than Marina, not rich, not broke, wine with dinner, beer at the bar, etc. etc...

So Katie, Kat, or Kate... And Jennifer, Jen, or Jenn. If you are out there, let me know...

Also, if your name doesn't start with a "K" or a "J", and you want to contact me, I won't hold it against you.

Evening chats

Last night I was IMed by a guy on the dating site who has looked at my profile a number of times. I might not have written back—according to the site, we're only marginally compatible, there are a lot of things about which we think differently, and I've never had any inclination to message him—except that he directly addressed something on my profile, rather than simply saying "hi" as so many do. We chatted for about half an hour about mostly non-personal things before I decided I was bored and ready to go to bed. So, to stop chatting, I typed something to the effect of "I'm a schoolteacher, so I've got to go to sleep now." He responded with "Sweet dreams."

I logged off after that, but was left a little unsettled by that last comment of his. Perhaps, to him, it means nothing more than "bye" or "good night," but to me the phrase is much more personal and intimate than that. I guess I just didn't like it that someone so unfamiliar to me was wishing me "sweet dreams." Hmm. Am I weird for feeling this way?


Today's silly (from Craigslist, as usual):

NON-SUPERMODELS NEED NOT APPLY - 22

Hello to all the supermodels out there. If you are single, excellent! If you are not, well, too bad for you. Here is a tall, dark, and handsome guy available on the market. Though I must warn you, I am very picky. If you are not a tall, rich, supermodel, please close this ad now…

I sure hope this guy was joking. Supermodels on Craigslist? Yeah right.

Sit on my facebook

My fellow blogger Ily often writes about popular culture on her blog, but I only do so on the very rarest occasions. This year, I'll try to write about it more often. To this end, I'd like to bring up the upcoming He's Just Not That Into You. Inspired by the book that was inspired by "Sex and the City," this movie features a lot of big-name actresses across from a bunch of (mostly) not-big-name actors trying to figure out how to get into or be happy in a relationship. In the trailer, one loveless character (played by Drew Barrymore) explains her situation to a friend:

"I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my blackberry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting." (Mary [Barrymore] to Anna (Scarlett Johansson) while standing in the middle of an aisle at a drugstore.)

Sadly, this is not too far off from my experience. I don't have a blackberry and I never text, but I've got two e-mail accounts, the dating site, Craigslist, facebook, and, of course, my cell phone. What's a girl to do?

Needless to say, I'll have to see this movie, even though it'll break my streak of only going to movies that are/will be nominated for a bunch of big-time awards. It doesn't come out until late February, but I'll be sure to post a review once I've seen it.

Until then, I'll keep using all means to find a date, including Craigslist, where I found this gem:

SIT ON MY FACEBOOK

Trying this again...
Sit on MyFacebook. Ah yes....cyber dating. E-rotica. It's a wierd thing. Oh look, I'm your online friend and I was just upgraded to 'Haunting' from 'Distant'. Thanks. I've met a few folks on here. Not many really. Maybe I'm picky. I think we all are by nature. It's not a fault. I mean, nobody enters a LTR thinkin', "Oh, you'll do, I suppose"...Doesn't mean you have to look like a Jolie or a Pitt or whatever other yardsticks of beauty there might be but surely there's gotta be sparks, fireworks, even little geiger counter farty noises, something.
So instead of a long list of all my utterly-fantastic-attribute-and-hobbies stuff, I'll just say I'm a fairly typical SFer. I wasn't born here (abroad in fact). I've had adventures. I want some more. I'll have some more. I like live music, occasionally hittin the town and maybe even painting it red. I know how to walk over a mountain and I have reasonable restaurant manners. I do stuff...learning, working, earning, traveling (lots) and I'm not a freak. I'm not a suit either (unless you're a very high-end corporate client, getting married, dead or a judge.) To summarize so...despite my dashing good looks, vast wealth, incredible sense of humour and physical perfection I am also delusional...
You: Funny and probably not into reality TV, Fox News, gobs of makeup or overly glam, sport, if things like Burningman changed your life, your life was boring to begin with...it's just a party. Tolerant of meat, occasional town-painting, occasional gym visits, occasional laziness, thermarests and bedwetting (just kidding on the last one)
A pic would be lovely...a banter equally so.
Ciao.

C'mon, Santa…

The Whirligig guy from the good ad in my last post wrote back to me. Let's call him Ted. From the information I gathered from his e-mail address and subsequent internet searching, he's the CEO of his own film production company and has worked on a bunch of films as a producer (and occasionally a writer). Clearly, he's ambitious, so +1 for him. With any luck, we'll chat online some before meeting for coffee sometime this week.

As I said last time (and may times before), the good posts are often hidden by the vast amount of bad ones such as this:

6'2", KINDA HOT, TOTALLY FUNNY SEEKS GOOD BAD GIRL - 33

C'mon, Santa, all I wanted for Christmas was a Good Bad Girl? Geez, I was good last year-- I mean, I was bad last year... I mean. Crap. Santa, please send me a lady that's packed with personality, knows how to work what her momma gave her, and is fun to hang out with! Please. :) Me: 6'2", 33, great career, good lookin, funny, smell fantastic, i tip bartenders well, and love to laugh. I get compliments on my eyes, chest, butt, and big hands. Plus, I don't dress like a bum. Howzabout you? Do ya dare to go out last minute for some Saturday night drinks? :) (Your pic gets mine.)

I mean, I guess he gets points for honesty by describing himself as only "kinda hot"; however, the rest of his ad is pretty lame. Next year, try writing Santa. Maybe you'll have a better chance of getting what you want, mister…

For every great one, there's a crazy one

Before I get to my post, I would like to invite all of you lovely readers to become "followers" of my blog. I don't have a hit counter, but it would be fun to see who's actually reading this. Click the "Follow this blog" link at the top of the page to find out more.

So, as my subject line says, there's at least one good guy for every crazy guy. I hope. I mean, this is Craigslist that I'm talking about after all. Today I found the following ad and responded to it.

AND THUS THE WHIRLIGIG OF TIME BRINGS IN ITS REVENGES - 26

So another year has cycled and I would love to get out and meet someone new.

I am an interesting character with a unique view on life and living. I’m over read, over educated, and have a nerdy edge but have social skills and work in the liberal arts. I’m currently in grad school and pushing to finish this year if all goes well.

In the city meeting someone new is an interesting endeavor. I’m not shy at all but I’m not a huge drinker, don’t do drugs, and don’t tend to like large dance clubs which for some reason makes me not quite hipster enough for some. I am however not shy and tend to be able to hold a very good conversation on almost any topic.

I’m certainly not perfect, but no one is, and I hope you aren’t either. I’ve traveled all over the world and politically you could say I’m socially liberal and fiscally conservative. I would join the libertarian party if the over half of them were not crazy and organizing it was not like herding cats. I grew up in the bay area as a total nerd but somehow retained great social skills.

I would love to meet an intelligent, outgoing, outspoken, opinionated, fun, and unique woman. I love curves on a woman but I really don’t have a “type”. Someone dynamic enough to go to the symphony one night, chill at home and read the next, and then maybe go to a dive bar and chat forever the next. This of course over time should be integrated with amazing physical attraction and possibly you being pinned against a wall in passion.

As far as myself I’m 6’2’’, blond, blue eyed, slender, and in very good shape. I tend to mostly wear jeans, T-shirts, and worn boots.

So if any of this seems to interest you shoot me an email with a picture and we’ll chat some more and maybe venture out for coffee or a drink.

This guy seems great, so I hope I hear from him. Here's one I've no intention of replying to, since he is likely crazy; however, his post was so off-the-wall that I felt I should post it here:

MANLY MAN BEAST WARRIOR

Manly man beast warrior. I ride a horse and carry a battle axe. My manly chest hair is flaring in the wind and my manly package is bulging out of my tight loin cloth. It’s bouncing up and down as I ride my stallion up beside you and scoop you up unto my horse. I throw you over my shoulder and smack your ass. Cus that’s how I roll! Then I take my bitch back to my cave. My manly man cave dwelling and throw you down on my bear skin rug in front of the manly fire. I then proceed to give you multiple orgasms. Just by looking into your eyes!

I AM A BEAST WARRIOR LISTEN NOW AS I SOUND MY MATEING CALL....
AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH

Oh, and he included a picture of himself as well as an illustration of some sort of crazed Viking warrior.

How about this one?

I am the aunt of a 25-6 year old nephew, mother of a 29 year old son. Both are hetro, employed and will be attending my open house on January 17. It's a very eclectic group, neighbors, relatives, friends and work folks. More folks in the 55-65 range than under 30.

I don't know you but if you are willing to take a flyer and just drop by for a party (hors d'oeuvres and wine) to me at least two eligible young men, e-mail me and I will send you and invitation.
You can bring a friend and we are in your neighborhood.

I've received two more responses to my ad since I wrote my last post, this one and one other (which was, well, lame). What do you think about this one?

15 Responses

After receiving three responses in the first 30 minutes of having my ad up on Craigslist, I ended up getting 12 more in the following day. Amazingly, they all seem to be responses to my ad and not just random spambots; however, they are of varying quality.

1. Australia guy. As I said, I did e-mail him back, but that exchange died quickly and I expect nothing of it.

2. Just-got-out-of-a-4-year-relationship guy. Hmm, maybe.

3. The local who likes to go dancing and clubbing. I don't think I'm going to go anywhere with him.

4. This guy has just moved back from another part of the state (the same place Sandy lives), and is on Craigslist because he is "tired of the same girls from the bars." He's a possibility.

5. This one sounds OK (though he's short) but he says he apologizes "that I don't send pictures out due to my job but I know I won't disappoint." He can't send pictures from his own e-mail because of his job? What does he do? This just seems weird to me.

6. He sent a picture and is about my age, but barely wrote anything and lists his interests as "sports, tv, movies, listening to music and hanging out." Hanging out? Since when is that an interest worth listing in an answer to a personal ad?

7. Honesty man. He opened his response by saying, "first of all I wont lie to you at all thats a promise." He says he's an Italian Asian mix and I wonder if he's actually from another country as his English is not quite right given that he says he's very educated. He sent a picture and looks nice enough. He's an option.

8. Remember how Superquail wrote in her ad for me, "I don't want a guy…who honestly believes that he is a more interesting person just because he smokes pot…"? Well, this guy just sent a photo of him blowing a big cloud of smoke towards the camera. It's actually kind of an arty shot, but that's so not the point.

9. OC man. He's from there and is going to be in a city about 50 miles south of me for five days and wonders (in very odd, poorly line-broken English) if I might want to meet him during that time. Hells no.

10. This one simply said, "You are real Classey too! I can just tell!"

11. He sent a message asking how my holiday season was and stating that he doesn't usually do internet dating. No photo, but he said he had a hard time trying to upload one on Craigslist. I could get a photo—and maybe I will—but I'm concerned because he's got an area code that isn't immediately close by. Actually, come to think of it, isn't it weird to put your phone number in the first e-mail? Wait a second: he didn't respond to anything in my post. Spam?

12. All he asked was, "What's a K-bird?" I didn't respond to him, but for those of you who don't know, Superquail's nickname for me is Katiebird.

13. He is perhaps the best prospect of the bunch.What do you think?

"I saw your ad and it piqued my interests. I just finished my residency and now I'm looking to meet someone new for fun, friendship, and possibly more. You sound like a cool and interesting person that I would like to get to know. I'm down to Earth, easy going, fun, loves to laugh, very open-minded, and honest and trustworthy. I have no dramas in my life, besides what goes on at work, no children, no previous ex wife, no skeletons in the closet, and i'm an all around good person -- no bad karma here, just good vibes. I love to surf, bodyboard, body surf (been in the ocean surfing for the past 15 years), swim, run, paddle canoes, spear fish, snorkel, and lift weights. I also love to sing, play the guitar (i've been playing classical guitar for 14 years), dance, draw, write poetry and stories, work with my hands, play pool, watch live music, etc... I also like cooking and make great pasta with salmon. I've also lived in South America before, and have traveled quite extensively."

He even included a link to his music. I've not listened to it yet, but that seems nice. There were two pictures as well, and he looks nice. Should I message him back? He offered to take me out for drinks.

14. This was one of the most interesting responses. This guy was writing on behalf of a friend whom he feels needs a date. He wrote:

"Hi! So I came across your craigslist ad, and.. well….this may sound a little strange, but I am looking to hook my good friend (& roommate) up for a date. He would never take the time to post/respond, and I owe him.. so…. Heres the deal, he just moved to city and doesn’t know anyone in the area, and I know for a fact he is tired of dealing with the type of girls you meet at a bar/club :-/

Anyways… ill get to the point… my buddy’s name is jon. He just turned 25, white, 6’2”, about 205lbs of pure man muscle (no homo) .. college graduate, entrepreneurial business… Successful business owner of 6+ years... VERY hard worker… always up for a good time (weekend party, bars, you name it..)…. works out regularly… athletic… a DAMN good wakeboarder/snowboarder… motivated, focused, down to earth, funny, honest, easygoing… ive known this kid since freshman year of highschool, and I can honestly say he is a great standup guy. …

o ya, and he loves photos of veggies too, but then again, who doesnt?"

Anyway, as much as I might want some pure man muscle, this guy seems to be too much of a partier and a bit more of the frat-boy type (I know I said I wouldn't type-cast people) than I care for.

15. Eggplant guy. "I think its organic eggplant. I don't know..i am no vegetable expert, but I sure do love em. Anywho, I am not very good at being "online" so here goes; I like listening to records, reading bukowski, and just being kind of existentialist and completely happy and satisfied with life (i know im a paradigm).

If you wanna maybe eat some delicious Ramen, hang out, listen to good music you should probably start talking to me soon...please? :)"

So who should I respond to? Anyone?

Soulja Boy

I've been talking a lot recently with friends about the lists some people keep in mind when looking for a mate. While most seem to agree that having a list is pretty silly—one never knows what is going to lead to love—I do have a few desires that I can't seem to get past. On an early post I talked about liking it when a guy is taller than me and I've certainly mentioned my dislike of drug users. There's one trait though that I've never discussed, in large part because it is more political and I've tried to leave politics out of this blog. Given the prevalence of people who fit into this category, however, I feel I should address it. So, here goes.

The second I find out someone has been in the military, I immediately discredit him as a potential mate. Yes, that's right: I discriminate against soldiers, airmen, marines, etc. While I realize that the military can teach a lot of amazing skills, I don't support the government and its military decisions. As much as I would like to say this is true only for the people who joined while Bush was president, I don't think it is. My grandfather was a conscientious objector in WWII and, after doing a report on him and this designation when I was in high school, I've always felt that were I drafted, I would seek conscientious objector status as well. Therefore, I do not think that I could be in a relationship with someone who willingly joined the armed services, especially if he did so while Bush was in office.

What do you think about this? I'd love to know your opinions on this matter.

Three responses in 30 minutes

Within minutes of posting the ad Superquail wrote for me, I started receiving responses. I've gotten three in the first thirty minutes alone.

Message #1: Very short response, simply sharing that he too had been to Australia and wondered if I might like to chat. He sent a picture, but I can't really tell how old he is. I wrote a similarly short response, telling him only where I'd been in Oz and asked where he'd been. I attached the same photo that's on the dating site.

Message #2: A concise self-summary, which included, among other things, his age, height, and the fact that he'd just gotten out of a four-year relationship. Oh, and he's into talking, not e-mailing, IMing, etc. No picture either. I'm not sure if I want to be somebody's rebound. We'll see if I message him back.

Message #3: Uh-oh. A local. A local exactly my age. He seems to be doing well for himself, but he's also into dancing and clubbing, something that I'm totally not into. I don't know. We're probably only separated by two or three degrees (if that, this is not that big of a town, all things considered). Maybe I'll message him.

Oh, and in slightly different news, tonight's super-aggressive me also messaged two people on the dating site, one of whom just responded. Yippee! Perhaps something will come of all of tonight's activity…

Other sites

I'll write more about my experiences with other dating sites this month, but I'll start today with an announcement: I posted on Craigslist's personals today. Why not? There's nothing to lose. The lovely Superquail volunteered a profile for me in a comment on an earlier post and I decided to use it. Given that we've not seen each other in three years and only had snail mail and e-mail for communication, it's pretty darn accurate.

Here's what she wrote (in total Superquail style):

I'm a K-bird! I'm hard-working, responsible and really interested in world travel. I have been to Australia and I spent a lot of time taking pictures of vegetables. I find them aesthetically pleasing.

I was a stage manager at my college theater. This means I have had to put up with a lot of bullshit without losing my temper. Getting actors, directors, costume designers, and lighting techs to all work together is nothing short of a miracle. Doing so without losing my sanity basically proves my awesomeness.

In terms of guys, I don't go for losers. I don't want a guy who thinks that farting is a sport, or who honestly believes that he is a more interesting person just because he smokes pot. As a form of rebellion its been done ad nauseam, so unless you have cancer, get a real hobby.

I even posted one of my "aesthetically pleasing" photos (the same one that's below) just for kicks.

2008: It went out with a bang

This year I went on a single date with a bunch of different guys. There were a few with whom I would have loved to go out again, but they, unfortunately, didn't share my sentiments.

Until this week. Remember the vague references to the guy from out of town who'd asked me out? Well, let's call him Sandy, after his current place of residence. Sandy and I met up for chai and boardgames last weekend. We had a good time hanging out and he ended up inviting me to join him for pizza with a bunch of his college buddies. I could have turned him down—six hours with one person on a first date?—the prospect of good food with a bunch of new people seemed a lot better than leftovers at home by myself was too good to pass up. The evening did end up being a lot of fun and, if that had been all Sandy and I ever did, whatever—he lives so far away. However, I was getting ready to leave, he asked if he could see me again in a couple of days. I said yes.

So we met up again, this time for food, a good wander through the park, and random CD-buying at the city's biggest music store. Good times. He even came back to my apartment for CD-listening and, um, a little bit more than that.

The next day's New Year's Eve, and, lo and behold, we're both free and eager to hang out again. We went on a really neat ramble through one of the area's hidden gems before joining a couple friends of his for dinner, an awesome card game, and the ball drop. By the time he got me back to my place, it was really late, I could tell he was too tired to drive to the place he was staying, and, well, I wanted him to stay. So he did. He had to leave pretty early the next morning to drive far away back to his real home, so we said our goodbyes and promised we'd keep in touch.

Three dates with a great, smart, funny, well-mannered guy. What a way to end my year of online dating. Or so I thought. I heard from him the day after he got back and he said,

I think maybe I should not have stayed over on New Year's. I have some reservations as a couple and I think we should take a step back and just be friends. I am down to keep sending you amusing shit on the internet, but I don't think I am prepared for romance. Sorry. I honestly think you are an awesome lady and I'm sure everything will work out swimmingly for you.

True to his word, he sent me some funny internet links, but that wasn't what I really wanted from him. Given that he'd made all of the first moves, I wanted answers. So I asked for them.

It turns out that he's way more insecure than I ever gave him credit for. However, the honesty that came through when we played board games proved to be something he has in all aspects of his life, as he at least did give me his reasons for not wanting to date.

Reason #1: I think I should really be waiting until my life is stable to find a steady girl. OK. That, I can totally understand. He's in the process of trying to get a new job in a new city (one right near me, by the way) and until he's got all of that settled, his life's going to be pretty chaotic.

Reason #2: I also think two introverts is not a good mix, especially if one of them is me, seeing as I'm very bad at communication and suchlike. This one I'm not so sure about. The guys that I've dated for more than two seconds were both total extroverts, and I'm not sure that was any better. Two introverts may have to work harder at a relationship, but I don't think it's the bad mix he does.

Reason #3. Before I put what he wrote, I just need to say that this is as open as I'm going to get on this blog and this is probably one of the hardest things I am going to ever write here. I realize there aren't that many people who read the blog, nonetheless, I feel very exposed in writing this. I think this is kinda shitty 'cause it's not like you can do anything about it, but I'm not sure I'm up for dating a virgin again. My last (only) two long-term relationships were both with, ahem, inexperienced ladies and I think it kind of turned out badly for me, 'cause once they found out what having a boyfriend was like, they decided to get better boyfriends. I dunno. Doesn't the insecurity just shine through on this? I liked Sandy quite a lot and was pretty upset about the whole thing (I was crying while listening to Markéta Irglová sing "The Hill" from the Once soundtrack on repeat); however, once I read this I really had to wonder how insecure one could be. My feeling is that if I was going to go so far as to sleep with him, I would be ready to be with him for awhile. I'm sorry that his previous girlfriends felt differently, but I'm not like a lot of other people.

It took me a few hours (and a lot of online counseling from Superquail [thank you, dear]) but I realized that it was just as well that I found all of this out sooner rather than later. I have my insecurities, sure, but I think I'm a pretty strong individual. I had thought Sandy was too, but apparently I was wrong. If he's so unsure about all of this, I don't want to be involved with him. If he does move to my area, I'd probably meet up to play board games with him, as it's hard to find someone who likes board games as much as he does, but I won't try to pursue any sort of romantic relationship with him ever again. Plus, if I hang out with him and his guy friends, perhaps I might actually meet a better single guy. One can be optimistic, right?

Until then, I've got my sights set on a guy whose profile I've been looking at for a long time now. After months of dithering, I'm actually going to e-mail him. If I don't hear back, fine, but if I do that'll be neat. Did I mention he's posing (and growling along) with a miniature dinosaur?