I've got some personal stories and thoughts to post soon, but I really want to share with you, dear readers, this Craigslist ad I just found:
IF CL PERSONALS WERE A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - 33
CL: Welcome to Craiglist's Personals, can I take your order?
Me: Uh, yeah, I'll have a smart, late-20's to mid-30's, physically active woman please.
CL: Short, medium, or tall?
Me: What's short?
CL: Short is 5'2" or shorter, medium is 5'2" to 5'8", and tall is 5'8" or taller.
Me: I'll take either short or medium, whatever you have in stock.
CL: Okay, short or medium it is... hair color?
Me: Well, it doesn't really matter
CL: Okay. Do you want to meet for drinks and dinner, or just the standard coffee/tea and engaging conversation?
Me: Hmm... I can meet for coffee, and then get to the dinner if it turns out to be fun. Going to an art gallery afterwards will work great too
CL: Okay, your total comes out to... a short description of yourself.
Me: Um, okay... white/Latin, 33, hot, fit, fun, fearless.
CL: I'm sorry, we've run out of short/medium women looking for hot white/Latin men. All we have are flakes, spammers, and men posing as women. Do you want one of those, or maybe something else?
Me: Damn it. Okay. Any tall women looking for a connection?
CL: Let me check... nope, no tall women either.
Me: Ugh... are the flakes any cute?
CL: Escorts? Did I say flakes? I'm sorry sir, they just canceled them from the menu at the last minute
Me: Okay then, I'll just try again later...
CL: Well, okay, thanks for coming to Craigslist's Personals!
The moral of the story is: If you'd describe yourself as a luscious, full-course, delectable dinner instead of a fast-food item, by all means send me an email to place your order! Your total will come out to...a picture and a description of yourself! =)
New Thoughts
3 years ago
8 comments:
Aah! When metaphors attack!
That is hilarious! Will you be emailing this fellow?
I don't know that I really consider myself a "luscious, full-course, delectable dinner" but this ad certainly was a fun read.
What do you think a person needs to be in order to qualify as a "luscious, full course, delectable dinner"?
I don't know what it would take, SQ, but even if I did, I'm not sure that I'd ever want be described that way unless it was by someone I knew really, really well.
I rarely think of people as food, but I do remember this one friend who I always thought of as Skittles. Whenever I would come back home during a vacation from college, I would meet up with her and we would chat and it would be jolly good fun, but after awhile it all started to taste the same, if you know what I mean.
But that is not really describing her as a person as much as it is the nature of our friendship.
That's an interesting comparison, skittles. You're right though, after a while they do all taste the same. That might be a good metaphor for my online dating experiences… let me work on that one.
I really like Skittles, but I can't eat the red ones. The food coloring they use (red 40) gives me crazy headaches. I'm not super-sensitive to it (I've heard stories of people who check the packaging of everything to make sure there isn't any red 40 in it) but red skittles do a number on me.
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