I've been talking a lot recently with friends about the lists some people keep in mind when looking for a mate. While most seem to agree that having a list is pretty silly—one never knows what is going to lead to love—I do have a few desires that I can't seem to get past. On an early post I talked about liking it when a guy is taller than me and I've certainly mentioned my dislike of drug users. There's one trait though that I've never discussed, in large part because it is more political and I've tried to leave politics out of this blog. Given the prevalence of people who fit into this category, however, I feel I should address it. So, here goes.
The second I find out someone has been in the military, I immediately discredit him as a potential mate. Yes, that's right: I discriminate against soldiers, airmen, marines, etc. While I realize that the military can teach a lot of amazing skills, I don't support the government and its military decisions. As much as I would like to say this is true only for the people who joined while Bush was president, I don't think it is. My grandfather was a conscientious objector in WWII and, after doing a report on him and this designation when I was in high school, I've always felt that were I drafted, I would seek conscientious objector status as well. Therefore, I do not think that I could be in a relationship with someone who willingly joined the armed services, especially if he did so while Bush was in office.
What do you think about this? I'd love to know your opinions on this matter.
New Thoughts
3 years ago
5 comments:
This actually makes more sense to me than even your preference for taller guys. (After all, one can't help one's height.) Many if not most people who join the military are pretty politically and socially conservative, which, well, you are not. Furthermore, I know people in all categories of the military (reserve, active, former), and while I'm friends with many, I can't say that I'd consider dating any of them. The only exception would be my cousin--erm, except for the obvious--who's in the Air Force and whom I know from long personal experience to be pretty awesome. Otherwise, I've noticed that ex-military folks just don't seem to make good romantic material. Particularly troubling for me is the extremely misogynistic culture of the military, which tends to carry over into civilian life.
There was a guy who came to Kunming last year in a study-abroad program from his university in Oklahoma who had been in the military and served in Iraq, and overall I have to say that he was a very interesting person and I was glad to meet him and become friends with him. I have been off the market for a long time so it's hard for me to say if I would date him or not, but I am happy that I got to know him.
If I am not greatly mistaken, you have a relative of some kind in the National Guard. How do you feel about them? Would you date a guy who had been in the National Guard?
Close—she's in the Coast Guard. Her dad was in the Navy and she grew up right next to and often went on the the base and it military service was always important to her. We don't communicate with each other very often (I can't remember the last time I actually saw her) but she always seemed pretty nice.
I don't know how she feels about her service, though perhaps I ought to ask.
I pretty much agree with what Lanafactrix said at the end of her comment, about the misogynistic culture of the military. Oh, and the issue of gays in the military. It's like we discussed at a work seminar yesterday: If you are a participant in a conversation and someone says something disrespectful but you don't call them on it, your silence is as good as agreeing with that person.
Interesting question...
I'm just surprised you've encountered so many people from the military. I only know one person that I can think of. Being in a relationship with someone that had to up and go to Iraq all the time would be really hard and I don't think I'd be up for that. But someone that used to be in the military, that wouldn't make me disqualify them. It's hard to say I wouldn't date someone when I don't have a specific person in mind...
It's not that I actually know people who are in the military, but there are quite a lot on the dating site since I live so close to an air force base.
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