Two-year Anniversary

It's been two years since I joined the dating site. I've IM'd, e-mailed, gone out with, and been in a relationship with guys from the site with some successes and, as you know, some failures. I spent my anniversary trying to increase my number of profile views (I was able to double them today) and, later, chatting with a guy who lives about as far away as one can be while still being in the continental US. Who knows, perhaps I can add penpal to the above list next year.

Dud Date

I guess I would have written about it sooner—if I could have mustered up the enthusiasm. Let's call him Gavin, after my city's dear mayor (though the fact that they're both male and this guy's name began with a G is about all they have in common). He'd IM'd me one night when I was bored. I was initially put off by the fact that his profile picture showed him in a military uniform, but I decided to overlook that when I learned that he had joined the National Guard to become a translator and was interested in pursuing a career with the State Department (the latter of which has been a goal of mine from time to time).

Just as Superquail and *Ily posted in the comments however, I should have trusted my gut. When I told one of my co-workers about the date she compared him to the character from "American Pie" who always started stories with, "This one time, at band camp…" because this guy started everything with, "This one time, at basic training…" The date—dinner at a neighborhood Spanish restaurant and a shortish walk (which I quickly ended by getting on a bus to go home)—was one long string of stories about his time at basic training. If he wasn't talking about that, it was about high school and, if I was lucky, college. No matter what subject I introduced, he was able to turn it back to training within seconds. Perhaps he should be a recruiter instead of a translator.

Regardless, he didn't recruit me. So as not to spoil his Christmas, I waited until this morning to write and say that I wasn't interested. Sorry, Gavin, but you're not the one for me.

Second Date with Alex - Part 2

The date was…fine. The movie we saw, "An Education," was excellent. The rest of the date, well, there was lust and not a lot else. Once that haze cleared we realized that maybe we're not the most compatible of people and decided that would be our last date.

This experience with Alex made me think a lot about the differences between dating someone from online vs. someone one meets in person. Alex and I technically met in both realms before our first date. Had I just met him in person at the meet-up group, I would have been attracted to him, but probably not have asked him out. I'm too shy. If I'd only ever encountered him online, I probably wouldn't have messaged him, given our "match percentage" on the dating site. (It wasn't particularly low, but about at the bottom of my current threshold.) Instead, we met in both places and he asked me out; unfortunately, we seem to have overlooked the fact that we don't really have anything in common. We aren't radically different from each other, but enough that anything long-term (or, apparently, short-term) never would have worked out.

He was, however, well-dressed.

Dating Standards/Second Date with Alex

Before I get to the main point of this post: I'm going on my second date with Alex tonight. We're going to go see the movie "An Education." I'll write again tomorrow to update you all on that.

OK. On to the main point. Standards. We all have them. Some are high, others are low, but, I would venture to guess, there are some basic things we all look for in a potential partner. I wrote a post about this ages ago but it's been a while since then. While Henry met a lot of my standards, there were a few (especially at the end—this should have been a warning sign) that he didn't.

As a joke, a co-worker gave me a page-a-day calendar for 2009 called "A Year of Bad Dates." It got buried in my closet upon leaving that job in June, so it was fun to spend a few minutes the other day catching up on what I'd missed. I've got a post to write about the calendar in general, but for today I'll focus on one page that said, "Do you think you're being too picky? Heck no!" Here are their "dating standards":

While I don't care about the George Clooney part, I quite like the "impeccably dressed" part. If there's one standard Henry didn't meet that Alex does, it's that one and I can't even begin to tell you how nice it is to have someone who puts as much effort in looking good as I do.

What do you think of the list?

First Date with Alex

A few weeks ago, I started regularly attending a Meetup.com group for people, like me, who are unemployed. We do free or fairly cheap things during the day on weekdays and generally have a great time. When I went to sign up for my second meetup, I noticed that a guy (I'll call him Alex) from the dating site had also signed up (same picture, same guy). Deciding to play it cool, I said nothing on either site and went to the meetup—a walk around the zoo—with the expectation we might talk a bit, but that I wouldn't mention the dating site unless he did.

To make a long story shorter, we had a good time talking at the meetup, he eventually found me on the dating site, we exchanged a few messages and IMs, he came to another meetup (one that I was in charge of), but then there was silence. However, it was Thanksgiving week. Then on Monday I got a message from him asking me on a date—for milkshakes. My favorite. So I said yes and we set the milkshake date for today.

I had no idea how the date would go, but I shouldn't have worried. Alex is a really nice guy, quite different (and much better dressed) than Henry, and we had a pretty darn good time. We tentatively set another date for next week. I'll keep you posted.

Pet Peeve

Photos mean a lot on an online dating site. Bad photos can leave a negative impression, while having one or no photos can make a profile look rather sketchy. (I learned that lesson with Ian, though looking back through my posts about him I see that I never mentioned he only ever posted one photo.)

So my biggest pet peeve is photos taken in front of a mirror. They're not terrible if you can't see the camera, though they're not great. However, when one can see the camera in the picture, it's generally a bad thing. It's not that hard to have a friend/roommate/relation take a decent picture or three—do it.

Canceled date—My choice

Two weeks ago, I received an IM from a guy on the dating site that was different from the usual: it was something to the effect of, "I'm playing a game. I'm trying to guess what else people are doing while they're on [the dating site]." Then, without any comment from me, he made some guesses that were silly, but intriguing. Since I was bored and he got my attention by writing more than just "hi" like many do, I wrote back. We chatted about mostly benign things, and, after almost an hour, he gave me his phone number and asked if we could continue chatting in person sometime. I told him it might be a week or so, since I was really busy that week, but gave him my number anyway.

When he texted me this week, I agreed to meet him this weekend. However, I started having second thoughts: he's 36 (I'm 25), he lives about as far away from me as possible while still being in the same city, and he's 36. I guess I'm just not comfortable with such a large age difference.

Then, when he asked me to send him the info about the gallery opening I'd suggested, I found that he'd deleted his profile from the dating site. WEIRD. That's just not OK with me. Therefore, I did something I've never done before: I canceled on him. If the same thing had happened to me before Henry, I might have still gone on the date, albeit with a bit of worry. I was really desperate—and I'm not afraid to admit that now—to go on dates. I was happy to find, as I sent the cancellation text, that I felt relief and no regret.

A Date with Nate

As I mentioned in my last post, I went on a date on Friday night. The previous weekend I'd received a message from a guy I'll call Nate with the subject line "Long shot." He wrote saying that he had received a pair of symphony tickets and figured, based on my profile, that I might be interested. I was. I rather like going to the symphony.

However, I had a minor thing to work through first: did I want to go out with someone who says he "sometimes" does drugs on his profile? After some thinking (and consultation with my dear friend Superquail) I decided to go for it. He didn't seem like the kind of person who would show up to a symphony date high, nor did he seem like someone who was deep into drug culture, so I figured it wouldn't be an issue. It wasn't. Plus, I didn't really see Nate as someone that I would want to date long-term; if he was, then we could talk about it.

All in all, the date was fine. We met for dinner before heading over to the symphony. It turns out that he's never been to the symphony, at least not as an adult. His dad (who does not live in the area) bought him the tickets (orchestra section!) so as to try to get him to be more cultured (or so Nate supposed). Nice dad.

Nate was a nice enough guy, but I doubt I'll see him again. We'd talked about board games during dinner, and at the end of the date he said I should call him if I was ever going to a board game meet-up; I might, but I might not. What was good was that I went on a four hour date and barely thought about Henry at all. Onwards!

Late-Night IMs

I went on a date last night and I'll write more about that in a following post, but first I had to share these charming IM's I received yesterday. First I'm offered food, and then…

These Posts Write Themselves Sometimes

Username + Quiz Result = WTF?

New look for Second Round

Now that I've been through my first relationship that got its start online, I'm feeling less frantic and/or desperate about making the whole thing work. I hope that the new colors make the blog more readable (sorry for making you read green text on black for so long) and also lend a more relaxed attitude.

That said, you'd think I would have learned the lesson of leaving myself logged in on the dating site late at night. Apparently I haven't. I received these charming instant messages last night:

AboveEnvy: you+me=bow chicka bow wow ;)

and then:

Juangalt: We should rub our privates together tonight

Really? You guys think you're going to get me to respond by starting off like that?  Sorry, I don't write back to such entreaties—I also block people like that, as I've done for both of you.

Henry's gone

As some of you know, my relationship with Henry ended about three weeks ago. At seven and a half months, it was by far the longest relationship either of us had ever had. It was a sad break-up. He broke up with me, but I don't think it gave him any great joy to do it. We'd grown really close over those months and it was like breaking up with your best friend. He felt that we were drifting apart and that there wasn't anything we could do about it. On a good day, I find myself agreeing with him—there were a number of things we each wanted to do/were interested in that the other just couldn't muster any enthusiasm for and then there was the issue of time. I had oodles of it, not having been employed since June. He had much less, given that he spends two hours commuting plus eight hours at work. My eagerness to spend most or all of his free time with him became a strain and, even though I started to realize it in the last month of the relationship, neither of us said anything, so we allowed the stress to go unchecked.

I know that we're not going to get back together, but I also know that he's not looking for anyone new right now, and I find a lot of comfort in that. We're both still on the dating site, and we've both switched back to "single;" however, he told me last week (when I went over to his place to pick up my stuff) that he's just doing his thing and enjoying having the free time to do all of those things I never cared about (like brewing beer, experimenting with cooking meat, and programming projects galore).

I'm having a lot harder of a time, what with all of my free hours to sit around and get stuck in my thoughts. I've acknowledged that I was exceedingly lonely before I met Henry, and that I'm lonely all over again. I'm trying to find my single-girl footing, but I've realized that the things I was doing to fill all my time before (especially in the evenings) don't really appeal to me now. I'm just going to have to find new things, which is going to be hard, but necessary.

That all said, I was having dinner with my roommate and a friend the other night, when I decided that I really needed a laugh. I went to one of the best places for a laugh (which had somehow come up in conversation), Craigslist personals, and found some real gems. I'll be posting those in the next few days. I don't plan on looking seriously anytime in the next month or two (at least), but if someone finds me, we'll see.

Hiatus

Things with Henry are going really well. As such, this blog will be on hiatus until further notice.

Thanks for reading!

Cyanide and Happiness

Henry and I have been e-mailing a lot in the lead up to our date tomorrow, and we've spent a good deal of time sharing things we think the other person should know about. From him, I received links to a web comic called Cyanide and Happiness. I'd never heard of it before, so I checked it out. There are many funny ones, but here was one I though had a little bit of correlation to this blog. If I had to guess, I bet there are a fair amount of people in the online dating world who, at some point or another, wish there was an easier way to find someone. I just hope they never get to this point:


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

So tomorrow Henry and I are going to dinner at a Moroccan restaurant and then on to a Slavic women's circus. At this point, we have quite a long list of other dates to go on, so I think there's a pretty good chance that I'll make it to date four. I haven't been on a fourth date with someone in a very long time.

Second date with Henry

The second date with Henry was wonderful. We joined a group of about 20 people for board games at a nearby cafe and played five or six different games over three and a half hours. He'd been twice before, so he knew a few of the people but we each met lots of new people. I would definitely go back again because it's a great way to try out lots of new games. 

Afterwards, we dropped our games back at my apartment and then walked over to the most fabulous little pizza place (it's truly tiny—four tables and four seats at the bar) and shared delicious pizza and a slice of goat cheese kumquat tart. If that sounds odd, trust me when I say it was amazingly good (and I even passed up on the flour-less chocolate cake for it). We stuck around and talked for a while—amazingly no one needed our table—before going back to my apartment. 

We watched "Once," which is a truly great movie with a spectacular soundtrack (if you haven't seen it, get it now) and lots of unresolved sexual tension. Let's just say that he stayed for another three hours after the movie ended and I finally had to send him home so we could both get a little sleep before work today.

I caused a bit of trouble this morning however, when I sent him an e-mail that was supposed to be flirty and facetious but was taken seriously by Henry. I quickly responded with a clarifying e-mail, so hopefully all is well there. Regardless, we've already decided to go out again Friday. We don't have any plans for the date yet, but I'm happy just to spend some more time with him whatever we end up doing. 

So far, so good. I'm happy and hopeful and I can't wait for Friday.

Haircut

I got my hair cut on Friday—finally (it had been almost six months since the last haircut)—and am loving it. I noted this on facebook, and friends asked for pictures, so I took a few and uploaded one there. I also put it as my primary photo on the dating site.

Then my profile was viewed over 25 times in the eight hours following my upload. That's about five times as many profile views as I usually get in a day. I don't think it's that great of a photo, but apparently others do. Interesting. However, I only got one message, and that was from a guy in Europe. There's long-distance dating and then there's long-distance dating…

At least I didn't get a message from a guy like this:

~~KREEPY BOY SEEKS CREEPY GIRL TO GET WEIRD WITH.~~ - 30

Part-time partner in krime sought. Pay is terrible. Benefits delicious. Let's get weird.

You: Scarf. Hunching. Werewolf mask. Vintage hearing aid. Bad breath.
Me: Raised eyebrow. Silk rope. Firm hand. Cruel smile.


P.S. I've got my second date with Henry in an hour or so. Wish me luck!

Compatibility

There was another NPR piece that I was going to share with you in this post, but I can't seem to find it. Therefore, we'll have to make do with a Craigslist ad I found a couple of weeks ago:

FUN COMPATIBILITY TEST - 34

High maintenance / low maintenance
Mac / PC
NY Times / SF Chronicle
iPhone / Blackberry
Designer jeans / Levis
Yankees / Giants
Beach / Mountains / Vegas
Heels / flats
Moaner / Screamer / Talker
SUV / sports car / Green
Starbucks / Peet's
Banana Rep / Gap
Greasy Spoon / Sunday Jazz Brunch
Adult Films - tolerated / encouraged / not permitted
Simpsons / South Park
Full / French / Bikini / Thong / Camando [sic]
Single / Attached / Married

Wow. If this guy thinks these are the most important checks of compatibility, he's going to remain single a while longer.

The Drake Equation

If you aren't a devoted listener of This American Life, shame on you. It's amazing and everyone should listen to it. If you are, did you hear the most recent episode, "Somewhere Out There"? It's this year's Valentine's Day show and it has a number of stories about the trials and tribulations of love and relationships and pretty much skips out on the sort of lovey-dovey mushiness most V-Day shows typically air. Though the whole episode was great (as always), my favorite part was the story at the beginning of the program in which a man explains how he and his fellow physics grad students used math (specifically the Drake Equation) to determine the likelihood of finding the perfect mate. Please listen to it here and tell me what you think about their calculations and specifications.

Since I haven't put a silly end to my post in while, here's something from Craigslist that was too good to pass up. Today's oddity is brought you by the letter C:

CUPID…I THINK YOU HAVE BEEN MISINFORMED - 32

You see, I like girls. cute ones. sexy ones. Not GAY MEN, so stop shooting them with your bow & arrow and then sending them my way. Especially, when I'm in the shower at the gym…I mean the guy with the rainbow flag tattooed on his ass. His glances were not furtive, homeboy was STARING!

Why can't you shoot the barista at the coffee shop who always smiles at me? Why can't you aim at any of these cute girls currently reading this ad?

Let's try this again.

What a difference a year makes

For those of you who've been reading my blog since the beginning, it may be hard to believe that it was a year ago this week that I had my intense IM relationship with the guy who seemed absolutely great (Ian)—until he disappeared. It's difficult for me to imagine that I'd ever make that mistake again. For one, there are better things to do than waste one's entire week of vacation IMing with one person, no matter how cool he may be. For another, well, there were so many warning signs. So anyway, I feel that I've learned a lot since then and am trying to be much more rational about this whole online dating thing.

As for the Henry/Adam situation, I've not heard anything more from Adam since Monday; I am however going to be seeing Henry again this weekend. He invited me to go with him to a nearby cafe for a board games group. Nerdy? Perhaps. Right up my alley? Totally. I'm really excited about this. Oh, and from the "it's a small world" files: one of you, a friend of mine from college, actually knows Henry from high school. I discovered this through the wonder that is Facebook. Sing it with me: "It's a small world after all, it's a small world afterall…"

What if you should decide…

…that you don't want me there by your side,
that you don't want me there in your life?
(Coldplay, "What If")

The date with Henry went really well, I think. We had dinner at an awesome South Indian place (lots of nice ambiance, lots of delicious food for your money) and then walked over to a funky little cafe that has live music every night. Last night, as it is every Sunday, was classical music. Henry's a classically trained singer—he even did a masters in voice—and spent some of his childhood playing various brass instruments, so he got just as much, if not more out of the concert than I did. It was nice to be with someone with whom I could have an awesome conversation but who also shares my love of music. Music is such a central part of my life that I find it hard to imagine a relationship could last if the guy in my life didn't appreciate it as I do.

So now I'm waiting. I messaged him and I was the one to ask him on the date, so now I feel as though I should give him a chance to message or call me. I got the impression that he had as good of a time as I did, so I'm hoping he'd be up for a second date. Even if a relationship doesn't come out of this, I really would like to have him as a friend. He's that neat and I'll be disappointed if he doesn't feel the same way.

Therefore, I'm a bit confused about the fact that before I messaged Henry, I'd IMed with a guy I'll call Adam. I originally messaged Adam to correct something on his profile, but didn't expect anything to come of it. Instead, we IMed for over an hour and I ended up with his phone number. He doesn't live in the city, and the one day he was going to be here that week was the one day I already had plans, so we'd agreed that I'd call him in a few days and that we'd go from there. To make a long story a teeny bit shorter, I didn't call him because I wasn't feeling well (I told him as much) and then kind of forgot about him as I planned my date with Henry. He just IMed me. He asked if I was feeling better, we exchanged pleasantries about the weekend, and then he said he'd call me this week.

This is why, when last year I was faced with the option of chatting with two different guys during the same week, I decided I couldn't do it. It's too confusing—emotionally, logistically, etc. I really want to see how this thing works out with Henry, but Adam seems cool too. I never thought I'd be in this position—don't get me wrong, it is flattering—and I just don't really know what to do about it. Advice? Words of wisdom?

I want to ride my bicycle

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle

I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

I'm just totally and completely scared to ride on the streets of San Francisco. I learned to ride when I was little, but I only rode at the local middle school playground—which was FLAT and devoid of moving vehicles. Thanks to Ily, I've regained a little of my biking know-how, but I'm still afraid to ride on the city streets (even in my relatively quiet and flat neighborhood).

The thing is, in San Francisco, everyone my age seems comfortable on a bike. Lots of guys specifically mention on their online profiles (if not even in their usernames) that they like to ride their bikes and would be interested in going on bike rides around the city with a girl on a date. In theory, this sounds like a lot of fun; however, it's actually terrifying until I become comfortable on a bike. My romantic side hopes that I'll find someone who'll be willing to help me overcome my fear of bike-riding.

I've been thinking about this for a long time, but the other day the SF Chronicle actually ran a story about this called "Low-carbon dating: Biking gets hearts racing." Here's the lede:

Two-wheeled but single? Luckily there are hundreds of others like you with whom you already have something in common. Or perhaps you're already paired up and are seeking an active, outdoorsy way to spend Valentine's Day weekend. Well, pump up your heart and your tires, because the bicycle is a date-getting, date-going machine.

Someday…

P.S. I am going out with Henry tonight. I'll update tomorrow.

Could I become a bar fly?

It's really interesting how my dislike of alcohol and, thus, my general disinterest in bars and clubs, has made it quite difficult to find and meet single men. Sure there are lots of other ways to meet people, but meeting new people at bars seems like something most twenty-somethings are good at. Therefore, I would like to announce that I've found a bar that I actually like. It's got half hour pizzas at happy hour (and they're really good too), nice staff, a good location, cool art on the walls, and lots of good places to hang out with friends or sit by oneself and read a book. I've been with co-workers twice, but yesterday I decided to go over on my own with a book, have some pizza, and just enjoy being somewhere other than my apartment. I plan to make this a regular Friday thing. It's a really nice way to unwind after a long week.

Why am I telling you all of this? Well, you see, after an hour and a half or so of sitting there at the bar with my book, pizza, and non-alcoholic beverage, a guy sits down next to me. He doesn't look out of place, but it seemed like maybe he hadn't been there before. The waitress gave him a food menu and explained that the pizzas were half-price. I decided to go for it: I turned to him and made a pizza recommendation. We ended up talking for two hours.

Now, I'd like to point out that while it was flattering to have his attention, I don't think I'd really want to date this guy (let's call him James). Here are my reasons (and don't hesitate to comment and let me know if I'm being too petty):
- He's 38 (he told me about having recently been to his 20-year high school reunion).
- He's the father of a four year-old boy. There was no ring, so I'm guessing divorce, but I didn't ask.
- James drank about five glasses of Stella and had just started on his second bottle of Bud Light by the time I left (7 beers in 2 hours? Isn't that a lot?)
- He spends most of the week in San Jose, but comes up to San Francisco regularly. However, he travels for work A LOT
- James doesn't care about current events. We had a chat about this and we both agreed that the mainstream media is too full of depressing stories about violent deaths, wars, and the recession; however, we disagreed in that I still am a regular consumer of news, just from other sources.
- Going along with my previous point, I felt smarter than him, by quite a lot. I'm not sure if I could enjoy being with someone who wasn't my intellectual equal.

In the end, I gave him my card, mostly so I could pass along my Yelp reviews (he'd never heard of Yelp) since he seemed desperately in need of knowledge about where to go and what to do when he's in San Francisco. He asked me if he could call me and I said I prefer e-mail. We'll see. I'm not sure whether I would actually want to see him again. However, it was nice to have this kind of interaction. Perhaps next time it'll be with someone I definitely do want to see again.

Back to the online world for now. I'm probably going on a date tomorrow night with a guy from the dating site (he'll be Henry). We're both classical music fans and there's a cafe that has free classical music on Sunday nights that I've been meaning to check out for a while. I told him about it and he thought it sounded good. Henry gave me his number and I'm to call him to set up the date. I'll let you know how that goes.

Finally, because this post is already long, I'm going to make it a little longer by sharing with you this tidbit from Craigslist:

DATE ME NOW - 25

Shut up, do what I tell you, I'm not interested! These are just some of the things you'll hear if you answer this ad. I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself. P.S. No dogs!

I like bacon, I don't like clowns

Last night I found a surprisingly large amount of decent, readable ads on Craigslist. There are also a lot of desperate lads looking for a Valentine's Day date. However, two of those from the former category made me smile (though not enough for me to actually message them—unless you think I should).

NEW MOVIES AND NEW COUCH - 27

So I've got some new couches, and I want to watch a movie with some company. Obviously you're not going to come right away, cause I might be creepy, and you don't know that. But I'll have the couches for awhile, and the movies for a while. So maybe we can get some coffee, walk around and take in the summer all around us. 27, guy next door, good looking and professional. What do you say? Got a pic?

I liked this ad because it was more honest than most. I'm not sure what he means by "take in the summer" seeing as it's February, but he seems decent.

I LIKE BACON, I DON'T LIKE CLOWNS - 32

I like bacon. The only thing that might be better than bacon, are things wrapped in bacon. Shrimp, beef, even pork chops -- all good on their own. But you wrap them in bacon and then you really have something.

It's not that I'm all about the food. I'm actually in good shape (5'11", 190 lbs). It's just that I can't think of a better conversation starter in this medium. In person I can talk about all sorts of things: local/national politics, art, music, literature, and how all these things relate to bacon. I'm quite the raconteur. I am Jewish (but, uh, not very kosher), a recent home owner; I have a car which is silver and shiny (sometimes I use it to transport bacon to my home). I like to cook, dance, and travel.

Oh, and I don't like clowns. Clowns are scary. If you are a clown, please don't respond to this. Even if you like to wear lots of white makeup and a fake red nose, we probably won't get along.

This ad is a perfect example of how difficult it is to write a first message, profile, or response to a message/profile. What do you talk about? I like that he chose bacon and clowns; I may not share his sentiments on those things, but they were an interesting way to get me to read his ad.

Public Eavesdropping

A local newspaper columnist runs a reader-submitted quote each day at the end of her column. The quote is something that has been overheard by the reader and is usually silly and/or inane. Today the entire column was dedicated to these quotes, all of which have to do with relationships. Here's the first part:


Part 1: The Valentine's Game

By Leah Garchik

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

And now, with Valentine's Day approaching, let us embark on the annual quote-by-quote tramp through the pastures of relationships.

First, the need must be recognized:

-- "Not being married is the source of her drinking? Then I should be face down in a ditch" (Woman at Pasta Pomodoro on 24th Street, overheard by Tom Perrault)

-- "But I do know what I don't want." (Woman to friend, overheard at Peet's on Fillmore Street by Ken Maley)

-- "All my girlfriends dumped me when I lost my house." (Man to man while cycling, overheard on Tunnel Road in Oakland by Celeste Demitrios)

-- "The only thing I arouse in a woman is suspicion." (Man to woman, overheard in Union Square in New York by Steve Held)

-- "I need to stop chasing the guys in sanitation." (Middle-aged woman to friend, overheard in Sonoma by Leslie McLean)

-- "Shopping is like dating in S.F. It looks good at first. Then you get it home and it doesn't go with anything you have." (Woman to woman, overheard in the audience at "Shopping! The Musical" by cast member Dan Meagher)

-- "That's why me and Roman Polanski have the same taste in women." (Man to friend, overheard outside Savanna Jazz in the Mission by R. Guensche)

-- "I just can't believe it. You must be the only guy in California with a 27-year-old girlfriend who's still a virgin." (Man to man, overheard at Peet's in Montclair by Jack Bannon).

Read the rest of the column here.

So I guess I'm kind of girly. Isn't that hot?

For those of you who know me, you're probably wondering why I'd title this post such a thing. The short answer is that I'm not talking myself, rather it was a guy describing himself in a Craigslist ad. The long answer is this:

I'M NOT MOST GUYS AND THAT IS MY PROBLEM - 24

i work with two lesbians and both of them regularly tell me that if i was a girl they would so want me
some of my dude friends have said the same thing
so i guess i'm kind of girly. isn't that hot?

not that i actually do this, but as a curious writing exercise this is what i came up with for my sleazy unwanted bar approach:
ooh yeah girl, lets go back to my place and you can hang upside down for a minute on my inversion rack. i'll feed us coffee-infused vanilla vodka, we'll listen to epic cosmic stoner rock from the 70s and then i'll give you this back rub hitting muscles you didn't know you had but i did because they're where chi moves away from the middle and i'll explain why you're thirsty after you get water for us and put ice in mine but forget you did that because we'll see the ice later and it's better as a surprise

i write, i read, i listen to music and i make it
i'm way pisces and usually prefer my world to the real one even if my world is just a couple stories thrown over the real one
most people sleep through their whole day. i usually do too, but the blanket i use has a couple of colors that haven't been invented yet.

my myspace with pictures to follow an email from you but i'm 6'1 and skinny and have brown eyes and brown hair that misbehaves in a comically jewish way

This post is one of the weirder ones I've read in a while. It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I think he was trying to be creative, but went way too far.

Bad Usernames: Part 4

It's time for another round of bad usernames. This one was prompted by the first on this list, fearmybooty, but spurred on by the sudden rash of names ending in "4U" and a few others that were too, um, good, to pass by.

• fearmybooty (Why? Does it smell? Are you going to sit on me? Let me go back to my first question: WHY?)

• BiG_FriGGiN_d (First off, what's with the mish-mash of upper and lower case? Second, am I supposed to be impressed that you said "friggin" instead of something else? Third, what does the "d" stand for, or do I even want to know?)

• TheRussMan4U (Lose the stupid nickname—"The Russ Man" might as well be something equally inane like "Big Man on Campus"—and the 4U and then we'll talk. Maybe.)

• basementcat4U (Is this meant to imply that you like cats that live in basements or that you are a cat who lives in a basement?)

• summerlover4U (What happens in the spring, autumn, and winter?)

• braziliandude4U (I think you are Brazilian, but what if you are trying to express your fondness for Brazilian waxes?)

• 5hourenergy (That's pathetic. Get some more sleep.)

• thierry4U (If you want to use your real name but someone has already taken it, don't add 4U onto the end of it, no matter what the dating site suggests. Try to muster up a little creativity and add something else, please.)

• itsrevolution4U (Who exactly owns this revolution?)

• coolboy4U (This sounds like the screenname a 13 year-old boy would pick for his AIM account.)

• loko4U (You coud at least spell "loco" correctly. That said, why would I want to date a crazy person?)

• sickallover (Well that just makes you sound so appealing…)

• bluecoller (I really hate to say this, but your username just fits one of the unfortunate stereotypes about blue collar workers.)

• STFUandKissMe (Nothing says I love you like this wonderful turn of phrase.)

When will they learn?

Busy week

It's been a busy week in the real world, which has meant a slow week here. Oops. That said, I did just reply to this ad I found on Craigslist.


LET'S OVERTHINK THIS - 28

I'm looking for someone who cocks her head to the side when she's looking at paintings, whether they're in museums, on the side of buildings or in sale bins at IKEA. Someone who smiles when she gets a song that she really likes stuck in her head. Someone who thinks sex is fun but a little bit absurd. Someone who will earnestly and vigorously defend her tastes, even if she's secretly a little bit embarrassed by them. Someone who likes to pick apart what she reads and sees, and sometimes gets a bit overwhelmed by all the thinking she does.

Who am I? I'm that one guy who winds up giving thoughtful answers to silly questions, uses really precise words to describe abstract concepts, who goes to concerts and closes his eyes and silently mouths the lyrics. I write, play music, spend my days commuting to the South Bay for work, bike, and go see all kinds of shows and art.

So, write me, tell me about the last thing you saw (book/movie/painting/fight on MUNI/speech) that made you think. Ask and I'll send a picture.

What about words makes you want to take a vow of silence?

It's a good question, posed by this guy from Craigslist:

LANGUAGE HAS FAILED, LET'S GIVE INTERPRETIVE DANCE A SHOT - 28

I'm so tired of speaking. My relationship with language has gotten far too intimate -- we know each other's secrets now, which is a bit scary, since I've never sure when the spoken word is going to fly off on a random tangent and start alliteratively exposing every embarrassing event in my life to someone I'm trying to impress. It's like that uncle you have who always gets drunk at the Christmas party and starts quizzing you in far too much detail about your sex life, and it's really uncomfortable because you don't want to be rude, but does he really need to know about your toy collection? No, he doesn't. And without words, none of this would even be an issue.

Complication: I still want to date. Anyone out there feel like getting together and grunting at each other? We can make elaborate hand gestures too, possibly even obscene ones (if you've ever seen Bjork describe something as "erotic", you'll know what I'm talking about), and see if we can communicate with looks -- a big plus if you have a killer eye-roll, though puppy-dog stares do make me melt.

What about words makes you want to take a vow of silence?

He saw his shadow? Oh well…

Alone Time

I turned on the radio a few minutes ago and was excited to find that the current program was "To the Best of Our Knowledge." After listening for a few minutes, I realized that the episode was about loneliness and being alone. This is a topic I've given a lot of thought in the last year or two as I've tried to find a partner with whom to share my life; however, the different segments discussed different elements of loneliness and it made me reflect on whether or not author John Cacioppo (Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection) would consider me "lonely." For all of my desires for a romantic relationship, I have lots of friends, confidants, acquaintances, family members, resources, etc. and all of those people give me so much that I couldn't possibly be really lonely.

To hear this interesting, thought-provoking program for yourself, click here.

As an example of a Craigslist guy who doesn't sound at all lonely:

A MIX OF CLINT, KEANU, AND BIG BIRD. - 20

Another use for the internet

I'm going to take a brief break from writing about online dating to share with you this lovely (read: horribly offensive) story I heard on the radio yesterday. I couldn't find the reference to it on the radio's website, but I was able to find the original story, courtesy of the New Zealand Herald.

KIWI BLOKES LOGGING ON TO PMS

Kiwi blokes who fear their partner's hormonal hissy-fits are keeping tabs on their "time of the month" with online reminders.

About 10,000 New Zealanders have signed up to American site PMSBuddy.com, which sends email warnings when Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) is due to hit.

The warnings are colour-coded with messages such as "she's on yellow - tread carefully, fella" wand the website claims to be "saving relationships one month at a time."

If you think you can handle it, read the rest here.

P.S. In searching for the story, I came across wikiHow's article entitled, "How to Deal with a Pre Menstrual Girlfriend".

Girlfriend Application

Having had a conversation yesterday about what is and isn't important in a partner, I thought that this was an interesting—albeit ridiculous—way to determine relationship potential. I find #9 rather offensive. What do you think of this list?

GIRLFRIEND APPLICATION - 26

1. Who did you vote for president? Why?

2. How close to your family are you? If not, why not?

3. What are your favorite tv shows and movies?

4. How often do you work out? How healthy are you?

5. What is your body type?

6. Describe your perfect date.....

7. What is your occupation? What is your ideal occupation?

8. School??? Done? Going? Future?

9. Why are you single now?

10. What annoys you the most about the opposite sex?

11. What is your favorite feature on me?

12. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

13. Are you religious? Explain..

14. Where have you traveled? Where do you want to travel?

15. Name 3 things that you must have in a relationship:

16. Have any kids? Ever been engaged? Married?

17. Name 3 things that you love about yourself?

I am fortunate enough to be the perfect age of 26 where I am mature and successful enough to be ready for a real quality relationship and at the same time young and energetic enough to make new friends and travel buddies without the deep involvement. So I am open to anything really. A girl that is fit or slim/petite is important to me as I am super fit. I take pride in my body and hopefully you do as well. Living with the deaths of my mother and best friend it is important to have a girl that is caring and cheerful most days. I just love living life happy and not dwelling on anything negative. No “Debbie Downers”! No drugs.

Thanks for the wonderful advice

I want to thank everyone who commented on my last post. You all provided me with lots of good advice and I think you're all spot on. Ken is severely lacking in tact, but my great desire to go to Philip Glass overrode my intuition; it took your comments to pull me back to reality. I've not heard from him for a number of days, so I think it's safe to say he's no longer interested. Frankly, I'm not either.

Here's your Craigslist silly for the day:

I WANT YOU TO LAMBADA ALL OVER MY FACE - 31

Is that too forward?

Maybe I should have said something like, "looking for a partner in crime," but we'll probably get arrested for being too awesome. (Is that even possible?)

I'm not trying to sell you anything (email me, email me, email me.) I'm just here to tell you that there are good, decent guys on CL and that you should give them a chance (by "them" I mean me) who are open to exploring all sorts of wonderful things (like lambada face dancing.)

Anyway, I can go on and on about what I'm all about but all I'll say is that I'm loyal, good hearted, respectful, humorous, and stable.

I'm confident that you will consider my attempt to gain your attention as commendable and what has transpired over the course of this ad will be talked about for generations to come (I'm also great at bullshitting.)

If you like funny, smart, sexy, interesting guys with a heart of gold you should contact me (I'll forward your email to someone that fits that description.)

Just kidding.

Bye.


P.S. If you're still reading (hint, hint, Lanafactrix), you could totally make my day by becoming a follower of my blog. To the six of you who already have: Thanks!

MWP (Most Worthwhile Person)

On Sunday I read a Craigslist that, for once, actually sounded promising. See for yourself:

PHILIP GLASS IN FEBRUARY. MY TREAT, WHO WANTS TO GO? - 23

Who would like to go to Philip Glass on Feb. 16th? My treat, would be nice having company to enjoy the performance with. I'm a normal guy, young professional, enjoy hanging out with all kinds of people. Your pic gets mine.

Now, for those of you who don't me (or, perhaps, even those of you who do), I really like Philip Glass. I'm not a Glass junkie, but I've heard my fair share. However, I've never heard any of his pieces live. Some of you may be thinking, "She just wrote that post about not wanting to date someone younger than her, so why is she considering this one?" I guess my answer to that is: It's Philip Glass, someone else would be paying for my ticket, and I'd get to meet someone new.

I responded and have exchanged a couple e-mails with the guy (let's call him Ken), but last I heard from him he said:

Not sure about the concert yet, you definitely sound like the most worthwhile person to talk to about the music. Regardless, it would be fun to meet up for coffee or a drink sometime to discuss music and other random things. Not often get to meet an SF native.

I told him to keep me posted on the concert and that I'd still be up for coffee regardless, but now I'm wondering if that was the right thing to say. If I'm the "most worthwhile," why isn't he sure that I should be the one to accompany him? Should I keep in touch with guy? Or is the MWP comment more offensive than I originally read it?

At least I know I can ignore this guy:

ARE YOU A HOT MESS? ME TOO!

So I am a very energy passionate fellow who is chipper and full of good cheer however I can honestly say I am one of the most complicated men you'll ever meet in terms of richness, texture, depth, and various shades of color.

I tend to view life in a kaleidoscopic wide angle lens and have a fascination in the interesting often overlooked mundane parts of our existence. I can delight in the absurd and dabble in the ridiculous and would love to share my slightly askew and yet perfectly sane perspective observations and adventures.

If you are even slightly intrigued and wish to learn more or just share a few thoughts of your own I invite your response.

Is he asking for it?

The other day I saw that a guy with the username of jewbags had looked at my profile. Not wanting to actually open his profile, I entered his username into the search box and wound up with this. dissux10304 sounds like a real charmer. I'm not sure about jewbags, but I believe that what he's written is in response to the question, "What do you do on the typical Friday night?"

If CL Personals were a fast food restaurant

I've got some personal stories and thoughts to post soon, but I really want to share with you, dear readers, this Craigslist ad I just found:

IF CL PERSONALS WERE A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT - 33

CL: Welcome to Craiglist's Personals, can I take your order?

Me: Uh, yeah, I'll have a smart, late-20's to mid-30's, physically active woman please.

CL: Short, medium, or tall?

Me: What's short?

CL: Short is 5'2" or shorter, medium is 5'2" to 5'8", and tall is 5'8" or taller.

Me: I'll take either short or medium, whatever you have in stock.

CL: Okay, short or medium it is... hair color?

Me: Well, it doesn't really matter

CL: Okay. Do you want to meet for drinks and dinner, or just the standard coffee/tea and engaging conversation?

Me: Hmm... I can meet for coffee, and then get to the dinner if it turns out to be fun. Going to an art gallery afterwards will work great too

CL: Okay, your total comes out to... a short description of yourself.

Me: Um, okay... white/Latin, 33, hot, fit, fun, fearless.

CL: I'm sorry, we've run out of short/medium women looking for hot white/Latin men. All we have are flakes, spammers, and men posing as women. Do you want one of those, or maybe something else?

Me: Damn it. Okay. Any tall women looking for a connection?

CL: Let me check... nope, no tall women either.

Me: Ugh... are the flakes any cute?

CL: Escorts? Did I say flakes? I'm sorry sir, they just canceled them from the menu at the last minute

Me: Okay then, I'll just try again later...

CL: Well, okay, thanks for coming to Craigslist's Personals!

The moral of the story is: If you'd describe yourself as a luscious, full-course, delectable dinner instead of a fast-food item, by all means send me an email to place your order! Your total will come out to...a picture and a description of yourself! =)

Man-years

Last night I went on a date with Ryan. I'll write more about the date in a moment, but first I want to discuss the issue of age. Ryan's 30 and I'm 24, and that may seem like a fairly wide gap to some people. My answer to that: it's not a big gap when you're dealing in man-years. Man-years are like dog-years or cat years except where for animals a lower number of years corresponds to an older age, for men the lower the number, the lower the age. Although this has yet to be scientifically proven, I believe that to find man-years you must subtract five or six years from his biological years (BY) to determine his man-years (MY) There are always exceptions of course, but I think this formula works pretty well for the guys with whom I've gone on a date in the last year.

Ryan: BY: 30; MY: 24-25
Sandy: BY: 25; MY: 19-20
Wally: BY: 25; MY: Who knows? He was a really boring date.
Richard: BY: 30; MY: 24-25
Greg: BY: 33; MY: 27
Dan: BY: 24; MY: 22 (for the most part, though sometimes he seemed more like 19)
Carl: BY: 24; MY: 18
Eli: BY: 25; MY: 55 (big exception, I know, but it's really true)

So the date was fine, but nothing special. The whole point of the date was to try a Thai place that neither of us had been to and we did just that. We were able to keep conversation going for over an hour, so that's good, and I'd be up for trying another Thai place with him again; however, there wasn't any chemistry to speak of so if we were to go out again, it would just be as friends. As we left to go our separate ways, he said he'd call me. If he does, great. If he doesn't, whatever.

I'll leave you with this lovely ad from Craigslist:

WHORE'S GALORE IN THIS FORUM - 35

Just spam, fake and ugly third class woman here. There is no hope of any connection here.

I was almost tempted to message him just for kicks, but this guy clearly isn't worth even that little bit of effort.

Real Simple's "Love Rules" - Part 3

9. Love conquers all.
Love can withstand many hardships, but, as sociologist Pepper Schwartz writes, "Love won’t conquer poverty, addiction, or abuse." And it doesn't take something so severe either, as personal-development expert Barbara De Angelis says, "Love is a big part of a lasting relationship, but shared values and commitment are still required."

10. Everyone experiences the seven-year itch.
Who says it takes seven years? I think at some point in most relationships there's going to be a temptation to split up or start seeing someone on the side. Whether or not that temptation is acted on is up to the couple and how hard they're willing to work to keep the relationship going. Psychologist Howard Markman would agree with me I think, as he states: "The data show that most people who thought about getting divorced were happy they stayed married when surveyed five years later. When things are tough, focus on increasing friendship and sensuality in the relationship."

11. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
As much as I wish this were true—I fancy myself a pretty good cook and like making food for guys—I don't think it usually is. "It’s true if he loves food, but that part about having to feed the needs of his heart is true, too. Still, don’t lose sight of your own needs. For a relationship to be successful, both partners need to feel pleased and fulfilled," writes sex-therapist Judy Kuriansky. Ideally, my partner would want to cook with me and have the same skill-level that I do; there's something incredibly attractive about cooking together that I'd like to experience again.

Thus concludes my response to Real Simple's article. Are there any "love rules" that you've heard that I didn't include here? I'd love to know.

Finally, because a day doesn't go by that I don't find something truly ridiculous on Craigslist, here's your daily funny:

SURREALITY CHECK: DOES YOUR ASS EXIST WHEN NO ONE'S CHECKING IT OUT?

or is it Schroedinger's Ass?

For a clever answer, a professional asstimator will consider postmodern drinks.

36th Anniversary of Roe v. Wade

Today, January 22nd, 2008, is the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade and, as such, it has been declared National Blog for Choice day by NARAL (National Association to Repeal Abortion Laws) Pro-Choice America. I knew about the anniversary, but I didn't know about NARAL's campaign until Lanafactrix mentioned it on her blog.

Abortion may not be an obvious topic for this blog, but I think a connection can be made. While I am not doing online dating for one-night stands, there are plenty who are. I hope and assume that those people are taking every precaution to ensure that their date doesn't result in a pregnancy, but I'm sure there are still numerous pregnancies that happen just in this way. (I still haven't seen "Knocked Up" but I know that's the general gist of the movie.) Now, of this group of pregnancies, surely there are some that are carried to term, but there are probably quite a lot which are aborted. There are many, many reasons why I believe that a woman should have the right to choose (not being ready for parenthood, for her health, because of an assault or rape, etc.), but accidental pregnancy is certainly one of them. If a woman isn't ready to be a parent she should have the option to abort.

As a side note, the dating site has a question (one's answer is used when being matched with other users) that goes something like this: "Do you think it's OK for a woman to date/sleep with a man solely to get pregnant and then leave him as soon as she does?" I answered no.

Real Simple's "Love Rules" - Part 2

Continuing where I left off in my last post…

5. Never go to bed angry.
While it might be hard to sleep if there is something upsetting you, I agree with the "experts" that trying to talk about emotional subjects when you are very tired often ends up making the situation worse. I think psychologist Nancy Kalish has it right when she says, "You shouldn’t go to bed angry, but that doesn’t mean you have to solve every problem before you nod off. Even if an issue isn’t resolved, people who love each other should be able to put it aside and get some sleep, but with the understanding that it will be addressed in the near future with a time specified."

6. There is such a thing as love at first sight.
I've never experienced it—at least with animate objects (handbags on the other hand…). I think what sociologist Pepper Schwartz has the right idea: "It’s a romantic story when it works out, but you don’t hear about the relationships that end badly. Relationships start slow and build; they aren’t necessarily wonderful from the start."

7. Always keep him guessing.
This is very much like #3 (Always play hard to get). This phrase could mean a range of things, from spontaneously buying theatre tickets for an evening out to being outright dishonest. Clearly the latter is a bad thing, but random romantic acts are not. Dating-site co-founder is spot on in my book: "There’s good guessing and bad guessing, and it’s really about what kind of guessing you’re making him do. Try to keep the relationship fresh by being unexpectedly romantic."

8. You can never be too close.
I think at some point we've all felt smothered by the person (people) we love. Everyone needs some space in order to keep the relationship strong. Also, there's definitely the risk of taking another person for granted. As Ellen Wachtel, couples therapist, states: "Many marriages are damaged by partners thinking that closeness means not having to censor what they say or do. Some couples take each other for granted. Metaphorically speaking, they never get out of their sweat suits at home. If you don’t make an effort to be well mannered or attractive to your partner, then you’re too close."

I'll stop there for now. Tomorrow I'll work through the last three points:

9. Love conquers all.
10. Everyone experiences the seven-year itch.
11. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Real Simple's "Love Rules"

In the issue of Real Simple delivered to my apartment today, there's an article ("Love Rules") which examines common beliefs about love and relationships. They picked 13 "rules" and then had nine "experts"—including a founder of the dating site I use—discuss them. Since some are about marriage and/or kids, I will exclude those from my musings; I will, however, work through about ten over the next few days. Here are the first four.

1. Say "I love you" every day.
I think this is really important but, as psychologist Nancy Kalish says in the article, "it should be said often but it should be said sincerely, so it means something. Not just “Good-bye. Love you.” I think this is a good thing to keep in mind for a lot of words and phrases (curse words, in particular).

2. Play hard to get.
What's the point? I'm not in the business of wasting people's time. I completely agree with Sam Yagan, the co-founder of an online dating service: "Playing hard to get starts the relationship off on a deceptive foot. If you want your relationship to be based on trust, honesty, and communication, why would you begin it like that?"

3. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Short absences, perhaps. Long-term ones, I don't know. If we're talking a business trip or vacation, something with a definite end, I think I could handle it. If it's a nebulous, "I'll be away for a while and I don't know when I'll return" kind of thing, I think I'd have to do some serious soul-searching (as would, I think, the other person in the relationship).

Sociologist Pepper Schwartz had this to say on the matter: "To a point—and then absence makes the heart go roaming. You need a steady diet of intimacy and the other person’s presence to remember why you’re in the relationship. If you don’t see each other often enough, you can start to lead parallel lives instead of lives that intersect."

4. You can learn to love someone.
I'm going to agree with Greg Behrendt (co-author of He's Just Not That Into You) on this one: "No, that sounds like settling. I don’t believe in settling, because it’s not fair to the person you’re with or yourself. It’s not like settling on an apartment you don’t love but can live with." I think this is how I felt about Sandy. I really wanted to be in a relationship with him and he was giving signs that he wanted to be in a relationship with me, so I fooled myself into thinking that it would be great, but really I don't think it ever would have moved from like to love.

Next time I'll tackle these points:

5. Never go to bed angry.
6. There is such a thing as love at first sight.
7. Always keep him guessing.
8. You can never be too close.

Until then, I'll leave you with yet another reference to cougars. It's a title of a Craigslist post that I came upon tonight: TENDER PREY WAITING FOR A HUNGRY COUGAR - 35. What is it with cougars all of a sudden?

The ultimate cougar? No just a really sweet story.

You may have heard by now that there is a 107 year-old woman in Chongqing, China who is finally looking for a husband. Apparently she was very traumatized as a child when she was frequently witness to her uncle beating her aunt and, because of that and China's deeply patriarchal society, she never wanted to marry. Until now. Read the whole story here.

Given that I just wrote a bit about cougars, the first thing that popped into my head when I heard this story was that she must be the ultimate cougar. She could be the great grandmother of some of those women from yesterday's story. However, this woman is going to look only for another centenarian, so that they have as many things in common as possible.

According to the story, she'll be looking at nearby old-folks homes for a mate. Too bad online dating isnt' an option for her. Even if there were centenarians who wanted to look for love online, most dating sites allow only for two-digit ages.

Thai Food and Cougars

In my unofficial quest to message one new person every day, I messaged a guy from the dating site who said on his profile that he's trying to find the best Thai food in the city. This being a topic I know a lot about, I wrote him to say that I'm always looking for good Thai food and asked if he'd like to join forces and look together. I also sent him the link to my Yelp list of Thai places I've reviewed.

Lo and behold, I got a response from him—he'll be Ryan on this blog. We've bandied a list of places to try back and forth, and it looks like will be going out on Saturday. I like that there's a point to the date (try to find some good Thai food) but that there's been nothing personal to our e-mails. If we hit it off, great. If we don't, at least we get to share a meal with someone new. Oh, and if we do like each other, there are at least 100 more Thai restaurants in the city…

In other news, the San Francisco Chronicle ran a story in yesterday's Living section entitled "Cougars—unyoung women on the prowl." The article describes a singles event ($10 admission fee) for women over 50 and the (primarily) younger men who wanted to date them. My parents are almost 10 years apart, but, as my mom recently put it, she'd "been around the block a few times" before she met my dad and was, at that point ready to settle down. That said, my dad is the older one, not the other way around. This is all to say that I grew up knowing that I might find someone who was perfect for me that was not exactly my age.

However, as I read this article and looked at the accompanying photos, the only thought I had was: "These women are old enough to be the mothers of these guys." I don't know about you, but this just makes me uncomfortable. I watched "You've Got Mail" yesterday—more on that soon—but the whole "Annabelle is my sister and Matt is my uncle" part is completely unnerving. I don't think I could handle knowing that a friend of mine was dating a woman old enough to be my mom.

What do you, my lovely readers, think?

Finally, for today's interesting CL ad:

WOMAN, CREAM PIE, FLAT TIRE, CANNIBALISM, PANHANDLING

Don't think too much about subject line, it performed its function.

Looking for a girl to do Things with. The usual quals … clever, passionate, sexy, slender. Extra turn-ons: nonconsumers, manageably insane, off-shore breeds.

Me - tall, fit, driven, with a taste for improbable designs and chocolate.

So many false hopes

I didn't set out to do this, but since Wednesday I've messaged a new person every day on the dating site. I'm really trying to make something work, to find someone, to put myself out there, but I'm really not having any luck. It's disheartening to say the least.

On Wednesday, it was a guy who said he likes to travel and he listed hummus as one of the six things he can't do without. Of all the things people list in the "six things" section, hummus is not at all common. Food sure, but such a particular thing as hummus struck me as interesting. Plus, I really like travel and hummus. No response though.

Later that night I messaged the Katie/Jennifer guy. I haven't heard from him.

On Thursday, I read a profile that specified wanting a "partner in crime" among other things. I sent him a note that simply said, "If I were your partner in crime, what crimes would we commit?" Sadly, I never found out.

I opened my inbox on Friday to find that a new user (of the dating site) and looked at my profile and rated me favorably. I'd looked at his profile a few days before, but he'd only written a little bit in his self summary; I didn't really feel I knew enough about him to warrant a message. However, I decided to write him after his rating of me. I kept it short, responding to a comment in his profile about liking to find new music. Again, no response.

Then, right as I was about to log off and go to bed, an IM came through. I politely told him as much, but said I'd be happy to get a message from him.

Tonight, I think I'll message this guy who posted his ad on Craigslist this afternoon.

CUDDLING AND CUPCAKES - 29

My ideal Saturday night does not involve crowded clubs or loud dance floors. I would like to find a good cuddler to relax and watch a movie by the fireplace on this warm evening. There may be cupcakes involved if the timing is right, or really good dark chocolate as a fallback.

Do you have the cuddling skills to win a gold medal at the cuddle olympics? Do you offset all of China's human rights violations with your ability to relax and show affection?

You might be an olympic cuddler if:

1. You evaluate a lululemon wardrobe based on its cuddle versatility.
2. Your 27th pose involves melting into someone else and relaxing for the evening.
3. You understand human anatomy well enough to know my arms appreciate blood flow.
4. A cold day prompts images of a warm fire and a pile of blankets.
5. When you see a cute kitten you want to hold it gently as it nuzzles against you.
6. You enjoy relaxing to the sound of a heart beat.

Are you not quite at the olympic level of cuddling greatness? You will also improve your movie knowledge with such hilarious one-liners as:

• "Orange mocha frappuccinos!"
• "You need to be kissed. And often. And by someone who knows how!"
• "It's not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your men."
• "They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!"

Cuddling training sessions include chocolate. Worldly, dark, complex chocolates (I just got some good stuff from Madagascar). Act now and you may also enjoy some nice wine!

So why are you home alone on a Saturday night? What would you ideally like to be doing with your night instead? What is your olympic cuddling training regimen?

I am 29, single, and live in the SoMa district of San Francisco. I rented Hot Fuzz and I would like to see Revolutionary Road in the theater. I have many other movies and am not averse to on-demand rentals. I work hard, have a creative side, and appreciate the cool variety San Francisco has to offer.

What do you have planned for your long weekend? Any resolutions you would like to cross off early? Qualification rounds begin shortly.

Who doesn't like cuddling and cupcakes? I know I do.

Silence From Ted

Ted has not written back and, given that I saw his ad on Craigslist again last night, I'm guessing he's not going to. If I'm really honest with myself, that's just fine. He seems like he might be a bit too busy this spring to actually be a good date/partner.

Katie or Jennifer

I found this ad on Craigslist tonight and decided to be spontaneous and respond. Why not? It's an interesting premise, at the very least. With any luck, his name won't start with D…

KATIE OR JENNIFER - 33

So I've never dated anyone named Katie or Jennifer. But it seems that I keep meeting women named Katie or Jen, and I'm always attracted to them, and all are always taken. So, I know there must be a single Katie or Jen out there somewhere.

I'm single, fit, never married, no kids, don't smoke, responsible, easy on the eyes, more Mission than Marina, not rich, not broke, wine with dinner, beer at the bar, etc. etc...

So Katie, Kat, or Kate... And Jennifer, Jen, or Jenn. If you are out there, let me know...

Also, if your name doesn't start with a "K" or a "J", and you want to contact me, I won't hold it against you.

Evening chats

Last night I was IMed by a guy on the dating site who has looked at my profile a number of times. I might not have written back—according to the site, we're only marginally compatible, there are a lot of things about which we think differently, and I've never had any inclination to message him—except that he directly addressed something on my profile, rather than simply saying "hi" as so many do. We chatted for about half an hour about mostly non-personal things before I decided I was bored and ready to go to bed. So, to stop chatting, I typed something to the effect of "I'm a schoolteacher, so I've got to go to sleep now." He responded with "Sweet dreams."

I logged off after that, but was left a little unsettled by that last comment of his. Perhaps, to him, it means nothing more than "bye" or "good night," but to me the phrase is much more personal and intimate than that. I guess I just didn't like it that someone so unfamiliar to me was wishing me "sweet dreams." Hmm. Am I weird for feeling this way?


Today's silly (from Craigslist, as usual):

NON-SUPERMODELS NEED NOT APPLY - 22

Hello to all the supermodels out there. If you are single, excellent! If you are not, well, too bad for you. Here is a tall, dark, and handsome guy available on the market. Though I must warn you, I am very picky. If you are not a tall, rich, supermodel, please close this ad now…

I sure hope this guy was joking. Supermodels on Craigslist? Yeah right.

Sit on my facebook

My fellow blogger Ily often writes about popular culture on her blog, but I only do so on the very rarest occasions. This year, I'll try to write about it more often. To this end, I'd like to bring up the upcoming He's Just Not That Into You. Inspired by the book that was inspired by "Sex and the City," this movie features a lot of big-name actresses across from a bunch of (mostly) not-big-name actors trying to figure out how to get into or be happy in a relationship. In the trailer, one loveless character (played by Drew Barrymore) explains her situation to a friend:

"I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my blackberry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting." (Mary [Barrymore] to Anna (Scarlett Johansson) while standing in the middle of an aisle at a drugstore.)

Sadly, this is not too far off from my experience. I don't have a blackberry and I never text, but I've got two e-mail accounts, the dating site, Craigslist, facebook, and, of course, my cell phone. What's a girl to do?

Needless to say, I'll have to see this movie, even though it'll break my streak of only going to movies that are/will be nominated for a bunch of big-time awards. It doesn't come out until late February, but I'll be sure to post a review once I've seen it.

Until then, I'll keep using all means to find a date, including Craigslist, where I found this gem:

SIT ON MY FACEBOOK

Trying this again...
Sit on MyFacebook. Ah yes....cyber dating. E-rotica. It's a wierd thing. Oh look, I'm your online friend and I was just upgraded to 'Haunting' from 'Distant'. Thanks. I've met a few folks on here. Not many really. Maybe I'm picky. I think we all are by nature. It's not a fault. I mean, nobody enters a LTR thinkin', "Oh, you'll do, I suppose"...Doesn't mean you have to look like a Jolie or a Pitt or whatever other yardsticks of beauty there might be but surely there's gotta be sparks, fireworks, even little geiger counter farty noises, something.
So instead of a long list of all my utterly-fantastic-attribute-and-hobbies stuff, I'll just say I'm a fairly typical SFer. I wasn't born here (abroad in fact). I've had adventures. I want some more. I'll have some more. I like live music, occasionally hittin the town and maybe even painting it red. I know how to walk over a mountain and I have reasonable restaurant manners. I do stuff...learning, working, earning, traveling (lots) and I'm not a freak. I'm not a suit either (unless you're a very high-end corporate client, getting married, dead or a judge.) To summarize so...despite my dashing good looks, vast wealth, incredible sense of humour and physical perfection I am also delusional...
You: Funny and probably not into reality TV, Fox News, gobs of makeup or overly glam, sport, if things like Burningman changed your life, your life was boring to begin with...it's just a party. Tolerant of meat, occasional town-painting, occasional gym visits, occasional laziness, thermarests and bedwetting (just kidding on the last one)
A pic would be lovely...a banter equally so.
Ciao.

C'mon, Santa…

The Whirligig guy from the good ad in my last post wrote back to me. Let's call him Ted. From the information I gathered from his e-mail address and subsequent internet searching, he's the CEO of his own film production company and has worked on a bunch of films as a producer (and occasionally a writer). Clearly, he's ambitious, so +1 for him. With any luck, we'll chat online some before meeting for coffee sometime this week.

As I said last time (and may times before), the good posts are often hidden by the vast amount of bad ones such as this:

6'2", KINDA HOT, TOTALLY FUNNY SEEKS GOOD BAD GIRL - 33

C'mon, Santa, all I wanted for Christmas was a Good Bad Girl? Geez, I was good last year-- I mean, I was bad last year... I mean. Crap. Santa, please send me a lady that's packed with personality, knows how to work what her momma gave her, and is fun to hang out with! Please. :) Me: 6'2", 33, great career, good lookin, funny, smell fantastic, i tip bartenders well, and love to laugh. I get compliments on my eyes, chest, butt, and big hands. Plus, I don't dress like a bum. Howzabout you? Do ya dare to go out last minute for some Saturday night drinks? :) (Your pic gets mine.)

I mean, I guess he gets points for honesty by describing himself as only "kinda hot"; however, the rest of his ad is pretty lame. Next year, try writing Santa. Maybe you'll have a better chance of getting what you want, mister…

For every great one, there's a crazy one

Before I get to my post, I would like to invite all of you lovely readers to become "followers" of my blog. I don't have a hit counter, but it would be fun to see who's actually reading this. Click the "Follow this blog" link at the top of the page to find out more.

So, as my subject line says, there's at least one good guy for every crazy guy. I hope. I mean, this is Craigslist that I'm talking about after all. Today I found the following ad and responded to it.

AND THUS THE WHIRLIGIG OF TIME BRINGS IN ITS REVENGES - 26

So another year has cycled and I would love to get out and meet someone new.

I am an interesting character with a unique view on life and living. I’m over read, over educated, and have a nerdy edge but have social skills and work in the liberal arts. I’m currently in grad school and pushing to finish this year if all goes well.

In the city meeting someone new is an interesting endeavor. I’m not shy at all but I’m not a huge drinker, don’t do drugs, and don’t tend to like large dance clubs which for some reason makes me not quite hipster enough for some. I am however not shy and tend to be able to hold a very good conversation on almost any topic.

I’m certainly not perfect, but no one is, and I hope you aren’t either. I’ve traveled all over the world and politically you could say I’m socially liberal and fiscally conservative. I would join the libertarian party if the over half of them were not crazy and organizing it was not like herding cats. I grew up in the bay area as a total nerd but somehow retained great social skills.

I would love to meet an intelligent, outgoing, outspoken, opinionated, fun, and unique woman. I love curves on a woman but I really don’t have a “type”. Someone dynamic enough to go to the symphony one night, chill at home and read the next, and then maybe go to a dive bar and chat forever the next. This of course over time should be integrated with amazing physical attraction and possibly you being pinned against a wall in passion.

As far as myself I’m 6’2’’, blond, blue eyed, slender, and in very good shape. I tend to mostly wear jeans, T-shirts, and worn boots.

So if any of this seems to interest you shoot me an email with a picture and we’ll chat some more and maybe venture out for coffee or a drink.

This guy seems great, so I hope I hear from him. Here's one I've no intention of replying to, since he is likely crazy; however, his post was so off-the-wall that I felt I should post it here:

MANLY MAN BEAST WARRIOR

Manly man beast warrior. I ride a horse and carry a battle axe. My manly chest hair is flaring in the wind and my manly package is bulging out of my tight loin cloth. It’s bouncing up and down as I ride my stallion up beside you and scoop you up unto my horse. I throw you over my shoulder and smack your ass. Cus that’s how I roll! Then I take my bitch back to my cave. My manly man cave dwelling and throw you down on my bear skin rug in front of the manly fire. I then proceed to give you multiple orgasms. Just by looking into your eyes!

I AM A BEAST WARRIOR LISTEN NOW AS I SOUND MY MATEING CALL....
AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH

Oh, and he included a picture of himself as well as an illustration of some sort of crazed Viking warrior.

How about this one?

I am the aunt of a 25-6 year old nephew, mother of a 29 year old son. Both are hetro, employed and will be attending my open house on January 17. It's a very eclectic group, neighbors, relatives, friends and work folks. More folks in the 55-65 range than under 30.

I don't know you but if you are willing to take a flyer and just drop by for a party (hors d'oeuvres and wine) to me at least two eligible young men, e-mail me and I will send you and invitation.
You can bring a friend and we are in your neighborhood.

I've received two more responses to my ad since I wrote my last post, this one and one other (which was, well, lame). What do you think about this one?

15 Responses

After receiving three responses in the first 30 minutes of having my ad up on Craigslist, I ended up getting 12 more in the following day. Amazingly, they all seem to be responses to my ad and not just random spambots; however, they are of varying quality.

1. Australia guy. As I said, I did e-mail him back, but that exchange died quickly and I expect nothing of it.

2. Just-got-out-of-a-4-year-relationship guy. Hmm, maybe.

3. The local who likes to go dancing and clubbing. I don't think I'm going to go anywhere with him.

4. This guy has just moved back from another part of the state (the same place Sandy lives), and is on Craigslist because he is "tired of the same girls from the bars." He's a possibility.

5. This one sounds OK (though he's short) but he says he apologizes "that I don't send pictures out due to my job but I know I won't disappoint." He can't send pictures from his own e-mail because of his job? What does he do? This just seems weird to me.

6. He sent a picture and is about my age, but barely wrote anything and lists his interests as "sports, tv, movies, listening to music and hanging out." Hanging out? Since when is that an interest worth listing in an answer to a personal ad?

7. Honesty man. He opened his response by saying, "first of all I wont lie to you at all thats a promise." He says he's an Italian Asian mix and I wonder if he's actually from another country as his English is not quite right given that he says he's very educated. He sent a picture and looks nice enough. He's an option.

8. Remember how Superquail wrote in her ad for me, "I don't want a guy…who honestly believes that he is a more interesting person just because he smokes pot…"? Well, this guy just sent a photo of him blowing a big cloud of smoke towards the camera. It's actually kind of an arty shot, but that's so not the point.

9. OC man. He's from there and is going to be in a city about 50 miles south of me for five days and wonders (in very odd, poorly line-broken English) if I might want to meet him during that time. Hells no.

10. This one simply said, "You are real Classey too! I can just tell!"

11. He sent a message asking how my holiday season was and stating that he doesn't usually do internet dating. No photo, but he said he had a hard time trying to upload one on Craigslist. I could get a photo—and maybe I will—but I'm concerned because he's got an area code that isn't immediately close by. Actually, come to think of it, isn't it weird to put your phone number in the first e-mail? Wait a second: he didn't respond to anything in my post. Spam?

12. All he asked was, "What's a K-bird?" I didn't respond to him, but for those of you who don't know, Superquail's nickname for me is Katiebird.

13. He is perhaps the best prospect of the bunch.What do you think?

"I saw your ad and it piqued my interests. I just finished my residency and now I'm looking to meet someone new for fun, friendship, and possibly more. You sound like a cool and interesting person that I would like to get to know. I'm down to Earth, easy going, fun, loves to laugh, very open-minded, and honest and trustworthy. I have no dramas in my life, besides what goes on at work, no children, no previous ex wife, no skeletons in the closet, and i'm an all around good person -- no bad karma here, just good vibes. I love to surf, bodyboard, body surf (been in the ocean surfing for the past 15 years), swim, run, paddle canoes, spear fish, snorkel, and lift weights. I also love to sing, play the guitar (i've been playing classical guitar for 14 years), dance, draw, write poetry and stories, work with my hands, play pool, watch live music, etc... I also like cooking and make great pasta with salmon. I've also lived in South America before, and have traveled quite extensively."

He even included a link to his music. I've not listened to it yet, but that seems nice. There were two pictures as well, and he looks nice. Should I message him back? He offered to take me out for drinks.

14. This was one of the most interesting responses. This guy was writing on behalf of a friend whom he feels needs a date. He wrote:

"Hi! So I came across your craigslist ad, and.. well….this may sound a little strange, but I am looking to hook my good friend (& roommate) up for a date. He would never take the time to post/respond, and I owe him.. so…. Heres the deal, he just moved to city and doesn’t know anyone in the area, and I know for a fact he is tired of dealing with the type of girls you meet at a bar/club :-/

Anyways… ill get to the point… my buddy’s name is jon. He just turned 25, white, 6’2”, about 205lbs of pure man muscle (no homo) .. college graduate, entrepreneurial business… Successful business owner of 6+ years... VERY hard worker… always up for a good time (weekend party, bars, you name it..)…. works out regularly… athletic… a DAMN good wakeboarder/snowboarder… motivated, focused, down to earth, funny, honest, easygoing… ive known this kid since freshman year of highschool, and I can honestly say he is a great standup guy. …

o ya, and he loves photos of veggies too, but then again, who doesnt?"

Anyway, as much as I might want some pure man muscle, this guy seems to be too much of a partier and a bit more of the frat-boy type (I know I said I wouldn't type-cast people) than I care for.

15. Eggplant guy. "I think its organic eggplant. I don't know..i am no vegetable expert, but I sure do love em. Anywho, I am not very good at being "online" so here goes; I like listening to records, reading bukowski, and just being kind of existentialist and completely happy and satisfied with life (i know im a paradigm).

If you wanna maybe eat some delicious Ramen, hang out, listen to good music you should probably start talking to me soon...please? :)"

So who should I respond to? Anyone?